AWKWARD ZOMBIE

When I was in primary one of the weird kids said that when you were older and with a girl ‘you made this stuff like icing sugar’ and because I misinterpreted ‘icing sugar’ as ‘icing powder’ from the ages of 8 -11 I thought that dudes ejaculated a fine mist. It’d be like walking through a flour filled bakery or just after talcum powdering a baby.

Children are fucking stupid.

I had a great post going, but I accidentally hit the "Quit" button. daisies YOU 3DS INTERNET BROWSER.

Oh, boy. When I was really little, my mom was talking to me about sex and I said, "It's okay, I think I know how it works." And she was like, "Oh?" and I said, "Yeah, I think the first clue for how you know you're having sex is there's a man in the room and he's also naked, and then he slithers up your leg, right?"

Apparently, she just said "Yep," and then left quickly to avoid laughing her booty off at me trying to Blues Clues my way through the concept of having sex with what were apparently half-snake dudes.

Is that an offer?

Anyways, I remember as a kid, I'd pretend to be a rocket scientist. I'd go outside and play in the mud and shit, and mom would ask me what I was making.

Apparently, cooking mud (because Texas) in plastic plates to make mud cakes was my way of "making rocket fuel".

To this day, if I'm working on crafts or making something odd in the kitchen, my mom teases me that I must be working on some rocket fuel.

Wait, you mean that's not what happens during sex?

When I was a kid I thought the term "Sleeping together" was literal.

Like I'd hear on Friends or something where they'd be like "You slept with him?" and just figured sleeping in the same bed with someone was a big deal and meant you were together, I mean that's what my mum and dad did so it made sense.

I don't remember ever having any weird ideas about how the world worked.
Actually, that's not true.
I used to think belly buttons were where the baby came out of. Like some kind of stomach anus.

Iblaughed way more than i should have

When I was a kid I thought you made babies by cuddling on top of eachother. Mum never told me any different.

Also I ised to pretend I was a rabbit

When I was little I thought that tv and computer screens were basically windows. I assumed you could cut open the computer screen and climb into the game or whatever.

I was pretty stupid

I swapped the stickers on a couple of VHS tapes once because I thought it'd change what was on them.

Every kids dream.

I used to think I was psychic and tried to make pokemon real.


princess brothel thats actjally adorable.

I loved doing this as a kid

When I was little I said that croutons were my favorite vegetable in a salad.

Okay, that's adorable.

As a kid no one could have knobs around me. I'd pull 'em off. I also used to pull the eye lashes off of dolls. Maybe that's not so much 'dumb stuff' that I did. but bad stuff.

I used to trim my stuffed animals' fur with scissors. Most of the older ones look terrible now.