AWKWARD ZOMBIE

My digestive tract is still on the fritz. Thank god someone on my paper route is doing construction and has a port-a-john in their driveway or last night would have been a tragedy.

JOHN, DO THE FLUSHY THING.

Then the funnies really would have been shit.

So bad at finding threads tonight...

Anyway. Got my period today. Knew that was going to happen, cause I got all emotional during a Monday class. Luckily the teacher let me leave to take care of it.

Need to get drinks next time I go out, cause I can't take my Midol with water...daisies gag reflexes.

When I woke up this morning, (don't laugh) I had this weird pain in my left nipple. Like it seriously felt like I had somehow cut it or something but when I looked there wasn't anything there. It's kinda subsided by now but it was really annoying for a little while.

I don't know what this means

It means that you're the chosen one, Harry.

So when I go to take a piss, I, like most men, do the "penis shake" to get the excess urine out. Sometimes it works, but most of the time it ends up in "surprise pants-wetting". By this, I mean that the amount of "excess" is enough to the point where it leaks out in my pants. I'm not incontinent, but it's kind of like I didn't piss out all of it? I don't know, when my stream ends I usually expect there to be a negligible amount of urine left in excess, but more often than not I have to shake several times to get it all out and even then there's some surprise pee to greet my pants.

You can use toilet tissue to deal with rogue liquids before you put the thing away. Toilet tissue is not just for wiping your booty.

Fuck I'm stupid why did I not think of this

It's bad that I knew what that video was before I even clicked the link.

Venture Brothers is one hell of a drug.

As a female, why don't you people use toilet paper for every bodily function? Weirdos.

Cause they don't put toilet paper at urinals? I dunno.

Fucking cramps woke me up at 4:45 am. Took some Midol, feel better now.

A mere male cannot understand how completely terrible periods are until their girlfriend gets one and turns into a mess of pain in a matter of seconds. Or until some sort of external invisible entity starts repeatedly kicking their crotch for days at a time, that probably feels similar.

Hey, I do, and I don't get why everyone else doesn't. Shaking never works for me; one, it usually just gets piss drops on myself, and two, it never even gets all of it anyways. If there was liquid on your dick, it's still gonna be wet after shaking it and getting the drops off, there's no helping that.