AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Oh god Dad and I just got back from the grocery store and my friend Garrett was on shift there
I didn't even know he worked there and I was dressed all sloppy because I couldn't be assed to put on some proper clothes
Just some baggy pants and one of Dad's shirts
And my hair's all greasy and sweaty because I haven't taken a shower yet

Then we went to check out and I was buying some feminine pads and he was the bagger and dgsjfddfgfgk
Basically he put them in a bag, arranged the bags on the counter, and walked outside to go round up the carts
I was trying so daisies hard to pay attention to something else augh
Then when we walked outside we talked really awkwardly about seeing each other tomorrow and stuff
Oh my god have I ever been this embarrassed before
I just wanna take a shower and hide in my covers

Sorry, but any time I run the risk of public interaction, I take those necessary hygienic precautions. I can only assume most people would as well. Not to try and sound like a dick, but that's on you.

Even if I didn't take a shower that morning, I'd have attempted to seem like I did.

Just now I was on the phone to this customer service person and they asked me for the second and fifth letters of my secret answer and I said "A and T, please" like I was on fucking countdown or something

Who does that? If someone managed to have the answer to any of my secret question, they'd be more than capable of writing it down and regurgitating that criteria. Asking for specific letters sounds retardedly complicated for no real reason.

I would guess it's so that the person on the other end doesn't know my secret answer

So me and a friend were lying in our beds in a hostel somewhere and she was all 'I feel creepy talking to people sometimes' and I tried to explain to her that she shouldn't feel creepy - creep level is all down to context and a lot of that context is how you personally appear. I pointed out that she outwardly seems to be a really nice and personable human so shouldn't feel weird, whereas I look like Fondell Von Touchup and so really have to watch my step sometimes.
She didn't understand. I had to think of an example.

I brought up the time she started talking about masturbation and it then evolved into a delightfully funny conversation for the whole group. I then, to prove my point, stared deeply into her eyes, and stated in stern monotone the word "Masturbation".

"...see? Wasn't that creepy?"
"Just a bit. Blubber, you do realise you are topless and lying in bed, right?"
"..."
"..."
"...I did say context is important!"
"..."
"Godammnit ok, look my hands are up here, alright?"

Thankfully we burst out laughing at this point.



Let me have some guesses

BALLTRAIN
GAY4TAILS
HABITUALLYHANDLESSELF
FAGOT

was I close I bet I was

I'm impressed that you are dedicated enough to the cause to make those work

Only the best for "forum big-shot princess brothel"

people be lining up for miles to suck my dick but don't worry I got your mum a fast track ticket

Oh cool dude, she'll be really grateful for that

she's being using this training technique with loaves of frozen garlic bread for next time

she says it isn't really a good match for size or shape but the strong smell mixed with the way saliva makes it go limp with bits crumbling off after a minute or two is a perfect analogue for brothel dick

buddy you got a treat coming your way

my member glurries in anticipation

so should

should you toast it for a garlic rub prior or

you apply the globby red mixture and eat it like bruschetta

I microwave mine

And I'm no longer hungry.