AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I had a nightmare where Chris was following me around

it was awful.

I recall that it happened to another one in this thread, like 50 pages ago

I think that would've been me. I remember commenting about a strange dream I had about Chris. Perhaps strange Chris dreams are contagious.

Still equally distressing now as it was then.

it is a self perpetrating joke

Why is this thread even still alive? There is bodaciously nothing new to talk about

So, when we last left Sonichu there was a bunch of shit with a stupid plot device, a giant robot, and an attempt to memorialize a dead friend by killing them off.

First, you all need to see this video. It was made early on in the trolling, and Chris felt he could make a better version.



It was actually the third in a series, but the original author deleted his account and dropped off the internet. Chris's attempt to make a better version is all that remains.



I'm not sure if those are missiles or bullets or why those bullet/missiles are being shot from the torso when arm mounted weapons are far more practical.



Oh right. Around this time Family Guy did a joke that was oddly similar to the Ghostbusters joke Chris made earlier. Chris thought he was important.



Just ignore the purple guy and focus on what has got to be the clumsiest pre-battle banter in the history of anything.

I'm positive Chris based him on a Zigzagoon, which means Chris thought "Aha! I will draw you as a raccoon pokemon because raccoons are thieves like you!" but failed to remember that raccoons primarily steal garbage.



Did I mention he did this after Kacey threw a huge fit over Sonichu Special 4? I think this is the "magical fight" Kacey was expecting. Apparently Chris thinks that slashing someone across the chest with a bladed implement is more PG than shooting them in the legs.

And he wonders why people consider him bloodthirsty.



Oh hey, he denied Liquid medical attention. That's compassionate.

And there's something oddly hilarious about how Chris is attempting to play this part seriously. I don't think he understands that the dramatic Where Are They only works when they aren't ten feet away in plain sight.



Chris originally intended for the plea to be putting Liquid in charge instead, but as you can see he decided that he'd rather have Liquid mutilated.

And oh look it's the plot twist Chris spoiled a few pages ago, la de da.



For fucks sake Sonichu you were separated from her for what, ten minutes? Does this happen every time she goes out shopping? Is it all "Sonichu I'm home!" and "OH GOD ROSEY IT WAS HORRIBLE THERE WAS NOTHING GOOD ON TV AND I THINK I SAW A BUG OVER THERE AND I TRIED TO MAKE POPCORN BUT IT CAUGHT FIRE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE MICROWAVE"



Goddamnit just shut up both of you I'm trying to point out how stupid your comic is.



In case you're wondering why Bizzaro Chris isn't using his Mary Sue powers, it's because a Mailbag letter asked Chris why Giovanni wasn't doing any fighting. Chris answered with something that amounted to "He left his only real weapons behind at his gym before entering a warzone". The letter specifically mentioned Nidoking as an example.



That's the dumbest looking Nidoking ever BTW.

Don't ask why Nidoking lost three fourths of his health to the weakest ground-type attack in the game(Chris tried to justify it with Super Effective). Or why Bizzaro Chris didn't use the legendaries he had earlier. Or how the best Ghost type move just pushed Magi-chan over a few dozen pages ago.



I love how Chris is trying to say "Evil me is evil because he is rude to his Pokemon", but it really comes off as Bizarro Chris reacting appropriately to the absolute bullshit that just transpired.

Also, did Bionic learn to fight in a women's self-defense course? Did they even have those in the weird-booty basketball dimension? Why does Chris keep going for the balls?



And now he starts shooting lasers. I have no idea if that's supposed to mean anything or not.



Oh what. Bizarro Chris, you don't need to curse these people with embarrassment, they can handle that well enough themselves.



Riiiiiight. Apparently the "evil" version of the "eternal life ruination" spell is the "eternal pants ruination" spell.



Yeah, that fight scene happened offscreen and he's completely raped Megan's shitty OC, fortunately we'll never see her again after this. We can presume that she shot herself after realizing what she had become.



I'll let this page speak for itself.



I think that's supposed to be a reference to that Disney movie with the three witches and the immortal talking cat? The one with the fat ugly one, the blonde hot one, and the evil one that had to eat the souls of children before sunrise? I think there was a part where their broomsticks were stolen so they had to fly using other cleaning implements and one of them got a vacuum cleaner. I forgot the name but it was better than this bullshit.



How is preventing your ally from falling to her death a dirty trick, Mr "I stole her only means of staying airborne"?



I'm not sure if this should be NSFW or not TBH. I mean look at that trident.



Yeah yeah, standard drill. Boring one sided fight scene, flagrant plagiarism of awesome games, ect ect. Chris thinks this is marketable.



Shut up Chris's high school graduation, Chris's community college dean did her best. And I didn't see you using the floaty platform thing to trap Sonichu in a box or something.



IVY AND PANDA FUCKING DIED YOU ASSHOLES AND THE CITY IS STILL ON FIRE.

NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOU TO BE WATCHING A MARY POPPINS WITH YOUR HELLSPAWN SONICHU.

ARE YOU ALL GOING TO JUST LEAVE THAT SHIT TO THE PURPLE GUY? IS THAT WHY HE LOOKS SO rustled? IS HE OUT ACTUALLY FUCKING HELPING PEOPLE?



Not pictured: the skies raining fanta and fresh underpants.



It has begun.

Sonichu 10. The absolute worst of the worst. The greatest ego trip to ever be experienced.

But before we go through hell, why not have a few extras?



Same old same old.



This is the same thing he sent Katie Bay the previous summer, but he's changed the text. So yeah, they have a lesbian Spanish nanny or something.

I hate those things so much.



I'm wondering why Simonla's house even has windows, isn't that something of a security risk?


Now, remember that dating exam? Wanna see Chris's answers?

if you answered no then fuck you we're going in anyway




I'm pretty sure Chris would have failed this test with like a 40%.

And that's it for Sonichu 9. Hell follows after.

my brain is full of shit.

Why would anyone wear gloves over their wedding rings. That seems really uncomfortable.

I forgot exactly when it happened, but either in late November or early December 2009, Alec Benson Leary created the best Sonichu parody ever.

And so, Asperchu was born.

Alec posted the first few pages of the comic's first issue to /cwc/, where it became incredibly popular and got him an invite into the inner circle. Alec wouldn't become truly relevant until January 2010, but he would spend the rest of 2009 establishing his position in Chris's world.

And by that, I mean making more issues of Asperchu.

If you wish to sample Asperchu, here is the audiobook of Asperchu Issue #0:





Alec sent the comic to Chris. When Chris didn't respond, Alec turned up in Mailbag 10.




Alec also extended the olive branch of peace by offering this heartwarming apology image:





In the same Mailbag, Chris met Sean:




After that, Chris sent this to Sysop.




Alec turned up again in Mailbag 17:



Oh, and Sean posted this but Chris didn't respond:



Sean eventually went on to create Moon Pals, a webcomic about Bill the Scientist, Yawning Squirtle, and Boulder Dropping Whale getting high on the moon and having adventures. It was also considered to be one of the best things ever, and an archive of it supposedly exists somewhere, but I don't know where it is.

Bidoof why are you even still following this? I mean the maker of the thread stopped updating or even remotely caring about the thread. about a year ago

He can't stop. Bidoof feeds off of our morbid fascination with Chris!

It is not Bidoof who feeds off of us, it's we who follow him. Bidoof has connections and tendsto break news to us before anyone else because he's a super chill dude. it's just kinda slow right now so he's recapping someof the more epic sagas

I actually quite like the recaps and think that it's pretty swell that he does them.
this thread probably won't fire back up until christ does something stupid again though

From what I understand, his arraignment is tomorrow at 2. An observer might be attending, but they won't be able to report until late at night.

First, an arraignment isn't a trial. It's where the defendants need to plead guilty or not guilty, and it's also the last point at which a plea bargain can be accepted. It's also the very last stop on the road before the actual trial.

If Chris accepts a plea bargain, then it ends tomorrow. If not, expect the actual trial to happen a month or so later. Also, this is only going to cover their felony charges. I don't know what happened, but Chris's lesser offenses were nolle prosequi and Snyder won a protective order.

I'm counting on community service and a fine. If he gets jail time don't expect it to exceed a month for either of them. Their felonies have minimum punishments, but those can still be reduced in the event of extenuating circumstances and stuff. Just remember that nothing short of a "Not Guilty, also your ban is revoked" will make Chris pop flyin'.

Oh, and house arrest is an option as well. Chris hates having his independence restricted, and best of all it might put a damper on his ability to waste all of his tugboat cheddar on video games.