AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Also, in case this is the first question asked: I did write down a bunch of stuff like enemy info/nat1 results/etc, but then lost it all so a lot of stuff was just bullshitted based on what I remembered.

Nooo TT. Well it was fun anyway, you did a good job DM'ing.

I hope I gave you some good stories to tell about Krom. (Playing the idiot was fun, I need to do it more often...)

Seth, I don't know whether it was luck, or die fudging on your part, but all your high rolls made you fun. Causing a gas leak, and being one of the few to withstand it? That was great.

I certainly won't forget the Sand Pile of death soon.

I'll be honest.

I'm fairly lucky for certain things. I didn't fudge the dice.

Aw, seriously? I was really enjoying it. DnD with a wackier AZ twinge to it.

While I'm sad to see it end, it was a very fun experience. Don't think I'll ever forget Kroms 'assistance' at the mage tower. Oh, the shenanigans.

If you guys ever do another one of these again, I'd like to take part if you'd have me.

You guys want to write epilogues for your characters? Like, where are they now/etc? I'm still here to answer any questions about anything if you need me to.

So what was the general plan for the campaign? Like what was the artifact of doom or whatever?

(Epilogue? Hmmmm....(friend of mine asked to incorporate his monk, who has the opposite problem with luck that Krom did.))

After the quest was completed Krom went home to the netherlands. There he stayed with his Orcish mother until a Jelly Wizard came and encased his home in the worst Jelly known to Orc-kind: Raspberry. Following the wizard’s defeat there was a festival...or whatever orcish tribes call their parties. Anyways, a travelling troupe put on a show which Krom admired very much. He soon learned why Orcs tend not to have theaters; they are too easy to influence. Now his tribe was dead and he didn’t have a cool set of eyes to show for it. This is where he promptly got bored again and wandered off again in search of his old partner, Cade. They never did reunite.

On his travels, he saw an impressive crowd. He joined the crowd and pushed his way to the front. there was a Monk making a fool of himself after accidentally incorporating himself into a troupe’s comedy routine. Krom quickly turned it into a RoShamBo contest, however, He did not win. 30 some people eventually got the better of him. The poor Monk was KO’d right from the get go along with many others however. The town constable then forced the two to work together doing community service by picking up all of the town garbage since Krom was putting people in the hospital (And illegally euthanizing some) and the monk had interrupted the show. The monk became his new 'buddy' who joined him in adventurous shenanigans.

Their travels took them to the peaks of mountains, and the depths of dungeons. Krom caused several wars, most notoriously by hitting a dwarven president in the head with a thrown brick (He was just trying to get the man’s attention and assumed the helmet would stop the brick...), rescued a dragon from a small village, and invented the henway. The poor Monk was dragged along for the ride, getting caught in several wars, most notably for being framed for a dwarven assassination plot, nearly getting eaten by a small dragon, and being involved in the first ever henway accident. The poor Monk, when asked, would say that they still had community service to do should they ever return to that village and thus was unable to leave the walking disasters side.

Krom was last heard of having declared war upon the moon for...some incomprehensible reason. We're sure it makes sense to him. But it is known he met with a shady pirate to aid him in his endeavor before disappearing completely.

Krom: International terrorist, Idiot, The man in the moon.

Alright, so, the campaign. This is long but has every piece of information about the game I can think of.

First, Kijun? Never existed, your characters at the beginning of the game were subject to a no save Memory Change to fill you with whatever was needed to make you believe there was someone who you admired, a hero, who you wanted to be like, and what better way to do that than get this super thing he told you about vaguely? This was done by the King of your land, who, though it was never mentioned, was a demi-god born thousands of years ago by the sacrifice of 100 different souls to make the land habitable and not filled with Tarsque (or however you spell those big orange things). He wanted to gain the power to become a true god and to do so, he needed three treasures: two of which would combine together in someway (I never really thought just what exactly. Two sides of a coin? Two halves of an orb? Two faces looking at a vase?) and the third: experience points, something only gained by overcoming challenges. As he could easily obtain these items himself, he could not get experience. So he set up your adventure via long range illusion magics so you would gain experience, and why not have you collect the items while you're getting experience? Of course, since your experience is being condensed into the third thing, he instead uses his divine powers to give you level ups at appropriate times to avoid suspicion "why aren't we getting stronger?" This is also why you were memory changed instead of mind controlled; brainless minions get no exp. To further ensure that you never swayed from trying to either get exp or get the items, a curse was placed on you that if stay in one place too long you'll get sick and stuff. This was also why he organized the attacks on Houton, to get you out of there so he doesn't have to look for another group to try this on. I had Blanche specify whether he was sent by Kijun or not to determine whether he was cursed as well or not. He claimed he wasn't, so the curse would never befall him.

Next, what was in store. The four paths I laid out at the beginning were: Desert west, Plains north, Swamp east, and Ship around the continent to your first treasure (leading to a Naval Adventure). Going the route you chose, you would be chased by a Tarsque (hopefully not dying) at which point you'd come across an unrelated-to-the-plot dragon and it's lair somehow, at which point it lets you attempt to steal it's horde because it wants amusement as you flail through it's "unbeatable" traps (this dragon is actually bad at dungeon/trap making). You would also possibly realize at this point that the reason why gold is so valuable is because it's solid magic, although I don't know how hidden I would make the information at this time. This also explains the gopher-man's actions earlier on. He for some reason knew the box was a one of a kind teleporter from space (unrelated to the plot, just put in for you to have some fun/emergency escape route) and used the gophers to find the biggest mine of gold in all of Yukon. Btw, I never got around to making the map, but the continents/etc are based mostly on real life, so yes, he went to Yukon. If you ever got there I'd bring him back up again and he'd have magicked the hell out of the gold. But again, not the main plot. Back to the plains, you'd eventually realize that there is very little life there to eat and also the emptiness causes SAN checks. At this point you could either head west where you know there's a desert (which would have food), continue north and almost be killed by a bunnallo stampede (edible bunnallos), or head east where there would be a hilly forest where if you kill something and don't use every part of it's body it's ghost will come back and haunt you. But I assumed you'd head north and eventually make it the the mountains of Notcanada.

At this point, you'd make it to the Dragon with the first treasure, and while good, it would be super vague about everything it says, but hidden within the vagueness would actually be the truth of the whole campaign spoiled early, though it wouldn't be figure-out-able, merely put for future reference and "how did we not realize sooner" factor. Anyway, I didn't plan an encounter here, but I figured I'd think of something, maybe a tunnel down to meet the dragon. Anyway, after getting treasure the dragon would blow you away somehow to somewhere in Western Noteurope, where you would be expected to find someway back to Notamerica, but not the way you came because a wall of fire has suddenly erupted from the ocean or something, making travel back impossible. At this point, you'd find a town, and if you dropped your gold at some point, not knowing it's use or thinking you'd never see civilization again, hooooweeee, I'd have laughed SO HARD. But yeah, then you'd go through inhabited areas (finally), and I had some ideas written down I'd expand on later if you went different places. If you went to Australia? Hahaha, oh man, the things I would do to you there... Siberia you'd get a Radioactive Ice Palace, etc.

ANYWAY, you'd make it back then find the desert (or skip straight to the mountains considering the direction you come from), and find the in-game equivalent of an active Mt. Saint Helen, except magical and evil and stuff. You would search it because I'd leave obvious hints that the other dragon lives here, but SURPRISE HE DOESN'T THE VOLCANO'S ERUPTING. Now, I don't know what I would put between here and the next part, but after that, you'd find a flying city that the dragon founded full of sickening horrors that if inspected are not really sickening but I didn't plan you would look for the sweet side so whatevs. Anyway you'd get the treasure and then just as it's too late the dragon will tell you everything about the plot/etc revealing that you guys were rubes for the Demigod King of Notsouth America. The items would be immediately stolen by the god king, then you'd look for the OTHER super treasure that can defeat him (also it'd take a while before he actually fuses the three things so you'd have time). At this point, if you still had the box with you, and informed the dragons of it's powers, they'd let you skip the next two dungeons and just skip directly to the item and the king. But why would you tell them about some crummy old box you had forever/probably pawned somewhere/etc? First dungeon would be the hiding place of the item, second would be the King's Castle. You'd win, you'd get both items, you'd do whatever you want the game is over and you have infinite power. I assumed that the only one of you from the beginning who would still be alive at this point is Krom who has mad luck.

Anyway, ideas I never got around to placing: every normal animal has a bunny counterpart (bunnallo, bunnee (bunny bee), bunnephant, etc); a dungeon of illusions, where the four different wall types of solid looks solid, solid invisible, fake looks solid, and mimic, would annoy you to no end; and dungeon filled with spikes and poison everywhere; used dungeon, a dungeon so clogged with dead adventurers that the traps don't work any more; a dungeon with a sacred statue hidden amongst identical replicas, every time you pick a fake up it explodes and the roof gets closer to caving in, it would have things like the bronze/silver/gold chest where all of those were fake, and the real statue is placed in the first room under the pedestal for the first fake.

Oh, and I was planning on 2 DMPCs joining you in the wood fortress, a young female sorcerer with maxed CHA, and a 1 STR 0 max HP 40 INT wizard/archivist/mystic thurge who speaks in mumbles and will keep his power hidden from you guys and travel on some miniature hovercraft to not hold you guys back.

And that is everything. If you have a local D&D group, run a campaign around this. Oh and Krom, the moon in this game is actually inhabited by a city of undead who live on the side facing away from Earth and worship a super lich in the form of a computer. But again, that never came up and would remain as background info unless you did some crazy shit.