AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted. Bill Gates comes to your house and kicks you in the head for being a traitor. Then I laugh at you.

I wish for world peas.

Granted. Now the aliens are against us.

I wish my tiddies were slightly larger.

Granted. Your tiddies are now slightly larger. But you're a man now.


I wish for three more wishes.

Granted.

Too bad you'll have to spend an assload of time crossing it.

I wish I had cake.

Granted. It's a lie.

I wish that I could find my Neosporin tube.

Granted. However, the Neosporin inside has mysteriously turned green and slimy. You put it on anyways and find that your wound now has small green tentacles wiggling around in it. You leave it alone. The next day, it has grown and has filled the entire house, suffocating you and your family.

You could've just thrown it away but nah.

I wish those cheap Lays chips weren't flat.

Granted, but they turn out to be poker chips.

I wish I had an iPhone

Granted. It doesn't work and never will.

I wish that my partner stopped dying in PMD2.

Granted, but now it outclasses you and hogs all the experience points to itself.

I wish I wasn't so tired when I drove home.

granted, but your car has been stolen.

i wish the police wouldnt be such pricks

Granted, now they're assholes.

I wish I had working Adobe Photoshop.

Granted, but now you can't draw anything without horribly, horribly abusing the dodge tool.

I wish I had an actual debit card instead of just an ATM card.

Granted, but you find out that they're really the same thing.

I wish I was a Haunter.

Granted, but you immediately get captured for Pokemon genetic mutation experiments.

I wish I had one of those cool Dvorak keyboards that worked.

Granted, but qwerty comes and destroys it.

I wish I had a watch.