So, Chris just released fifteen new screencaps of the CWCki forums.
He thinks this is trolling. He thinks the CWCki forums are where all the master trolls live. It's actually where everyone who got kicked from /cwc/ for being stupid lives.
1. Chris is trying to say "Aha~ I'm WATCHING YOU NOW! I AM INVINCIBLE!". 2. Chris thinks this can be used as evidence in any sort of police investigation. 3. Chris genuinely thinks this is trolling. He hated it when his private conversations were leaked to the internet. He thinks that the CWCki forum posts count as private conversations between elite trolls. Ergo, if he leaks their private conversations he is trolling them. It is just for him to do it because his trolls started it.
So, when we last left Chris in late October/early November 2009, he was convinced that he had to win Kacey's heart from Liquid.
Liquid retaliated by showing him his kung fu skills.
Chris then decided that there was only one way to get Liquid off his booty.
A rap battle.
Of course, since Chris had tried rapping, that just gave Liquid more ammunition.
At this point, Chris attempted to prove to Kacey that he was too in shape by doing thirty pushups.
At this point, Kacey uploaded a video(which has since been lost) of her singing the female vocals from "A Whole New World". She also added this:
Kacey wrote:
Baby I thought of you as soon as I heard this song again! I want us to sing a duet, can you?? I left out some of the male speaking parts, this song really needs a duet. Sorry I went flat and too high in some places!
I adore you so much. Sing this for me and with me and solidify who I'm with! I know you can do it, my one and only!
Always yours, Kacey
Chris responded first, followed shortly by Liquid.
Finally, Chris signaled the beginning of the end. He attempted to introduce himself to Kacey's parents via Youtube video.
The next day, Chris uploaded Twin Falling Towers.
On November 3rd, he uploaded a LBP level for Kacey as proof of his love for her. She had requested that she be put into the comic, but Chris thought that this would be good enough.
On November 4, 2009, Chris spent two hours on the phone with "Kacey's father Matthew".
It didn't end well for Chris.
First, he was just about to upload this video:
Secondly, at some point prior to the Father Call, Chris went on a second date with Kacey. It was an utter disaster. Chris was even more touchy-feely than he normally is around women. He attempted to touch Kacey multiple times, yelled "OOPS MY KNUCKLE TOUCHED YOUR BUTT" when Kacey and Kim were next to the mall daycare center, and attempted to cop a feel on Kacey when she got into his car(he claimed that his hand slipped). Kacey apparently got a rash from Chris that necessitated a shot, but that was likely due to Kacey being allergic to whatever kind of detergent Chris uses.
And so, let the highlight reel begin:
On Chris and the Pokemon TCG wrote:
Matthew: How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that Cockfighting Society thing, wasn't that back in the 90s when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.
Chris: That was the late 90s.
Matthew: LATE 90s.
Chris: And- um- that's still going strong. Maybe I-
Matthew: If you say so.
Quote:
Chris: Yeah... I'm currently living in a two-story house with my mother and my father.
Matthew: Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [Chris tries to interrupt] Almost 30, excuse me.
Quote:
Chris: And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my- of the house.
Matthew: ...With her help?
Chris: ...And get a place of my own...
Matthew: You need her help in order to support both of you?
Quote:
Matthew: You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...
Chris: No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?
Matthew: It's still pretty close.
Chris: It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.
Quote:
Chris: Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.
Matthew: So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.
Quote:
Matthew: You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.
Chris: No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and I believe in God, I go to church every Sunday, and like, like in...
Matthew: That sounds like being a prophet to me.
Quote:
Matthew: Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?
Chris: Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-
Matthew: Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?
Quote:
Matthew: [extremely uncomfortable laughter] So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.
Chris: [Interrupting] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [laughs] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me on some things.
Matthew: But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...
Quote:
Matthew: That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.
Chris: Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu [Kacey's Dad groans], so I was the original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu, the Electric Hedgehog Cockfighting Society. And I created him on March 17, 2000, and I drew the comic books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-
Matthew: [Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Cockfighting Society is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two copyrighted kids' things...
Chris: But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the copyrights and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the CWCipedia, which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-
Matthew: Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.
Quote:
Matthew:You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.
Chris: I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet troll, who goes by the name of Clyde Cash, whose alias is Gregg Mays, and...
Quote:
Matthew: You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.
Chris: Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...
Quote:
Chris: [Chris's dander is up.] I am, I am, I am a grown-up sir! I have moved, I have moved on from Cockfighting Society years ago! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.
Matthew: No, you didn't move from...you went from Cockfighting Society to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.
Chris: [Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...
Quote:
Matthew: Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!
Chris: [short sigh] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!
(...)
Chris: [unfazed] I even mowed the lawn!
Matthew: Mowed the lawn! [laughs] Wow.
Chris: Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!
(...)
Chris: [Getting very angry at this point] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When my dog died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.
(...)
Matthew: I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?
Chris: I am not calling your mother a dog.
(...)
Chris: No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood and plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!
Quote:
Matthew: So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?
Chris: I, I, I, I... [angry, incoherent stammering]
(...)
Chris: Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.
Matthew: I am not convinced.
Chris: [snapping] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!
Quote:
Chris: Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...
Matthew: Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!
Chris: They're not just chores! They're not just chores.
(...)
Chris: Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?
Matthew: What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!
Chris: I am not mocking you!
Matthew: Is this...are you comparing...
Chris: I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...
Matthew: I don't know even know what to say to this!
Quote:
Chris: The last book I read... was To Kill a Mockingbird.
(Chris is asked what he learned from the book)
Chris: [long pause] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...
Matthew: That's Of Mice and Men.
(Matthew asks Chris if he ever actually read the book)
Chris: Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...
(When Chris is asked if he remembers the court scene)
Chris: I'm sorry, the what?
Quote:
Matthew: You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
Chris: [Rage button pushed] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
Chris uploaded this video the next day:
It didn't work, and Kacey announced her engagement to Liquid.
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