AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Related, one time a few years back I pronounced 'hors d'oeuvres' as 'oars devores'.

Also, trying to restart my car one time: turning the key off while the car was still in gear, then wondering why the dumb car wouldn't turn on or let me take the key out.

I am a stupid sometimes.

Also related, I pronounced that as 'hoars doovers' until I got smart.

oh hey that's how I crashed into my house

As a small child, I split the back of my head open jumping on my parents' bed.

As a small child, I busted my lip jumping on my parents' bed.

Saw Prometheus at the cinema in 3D
Expecting a good time
With my long-time Aliens fan cousin

I have been known to get distracted while walking and then run into poles.

I am the definition of slapstick.

"I'm just gonna slide under this metal fence real qui-OW MY FUCKING KNEE."

Aw man I ran into a mailbox while I was riding a bike as a kid, that hurt

Also once I was riding a scooter and my mom yelled at me to come inside or something, and I got distracted and ran my wheel into a crack in the ground and fell. I scraped my knee.

Good times

As a small child, I enjoyed sitting on the arms of couches. Then, one day, I fell off the arm of the couch, onto a small chair. Specifically, onto the arm of the chair, which was made of metal. Specifically, my upper law fell into the metal arm of the chair hard enough to leave teeth marks and knock out my front two teeth.

Meaning since then, I have had a seriously fucked up jaw structure that really needs braces due to my teeth growing back in weird but fuck if my dad can't get off his cheap booty to get me something I need.

so now when i do a mock british accent people actually ask if i am british


and that hurts more than any smashed jaw.

When I was little my dad showed me a magic trick where he put a little ball in his ear and it fell out the other.

I being a dumb little kid put the ball in my ear. It didnt fall out the other.

YAY HOSPITALS

Reminds me of my brother and his intent to snort a Lite Brite.

Hey look the flashing lights of emergency vehicles.

I stuck tweezers in an electric socket when I was 8.

Grounded for life. Ok, just two weeks.

Tuxedo Mask had movie passes and we saw it. I can't hang with scary movies (even ones not considered technically frightening), and I wound up spending most of the movie in a small ball, hair in front of my face, and nearly broke Tuxedo Mask's hand. Bad decisions.

But dumb things I have done:

- Repelled down a cliff with home-made repelling gear (not tested) and a shoe-lace as a life line
- Gone night hiking barefoot in PJ's
- Mud sliding with no mud (lots of scrapes)
- Tried to catch a bird

I have tons of these. This thread is like Christmas to my accident prone/idiotically reckless life.