AWKWARD ZOMBIE

...He bleached his hair?

He looks retarded like that.

FTFY~

So, back to August 2009.

On the 8th, Liquid confronted Chris in an amazing phone call. Chris apparently thought "identity theft" meant "HE'S PRETENDING TO BE ME AND PRINTED OUT COPIES OF THE PERSONAL INFORMATION I PUT ONLINE QUICK GET THE COPS", while Liquid insisted that Chris was the nefarious troll Ian Brandon Anderson.



By the 9th, Chris was so desperate he tried to use his manboobs as proof that he wasn't Liquid.

On the 10th, Chris released six new pages from Sonichu 9.

Four days after that, a lot of things happened.

First, the judges from the SingStar competition decided on a winner. All of Liquid's judges voted for him, and so did Katie.

Chris was rustled as hell



He then decided to upload this video to Youtube



This was not how trolls found his dox. However, it did cause everyone in the youtube comments to commence the standard life ruination tactics. Unlike Alex Wuori (you know him as the "ex hacker" in the HACKERS ON STERIODS report), Chris's parents were smart enough to get the piles of empty boxes and other assorted free junk (and Qur'ans) sent to the dead letter office.

Chris also found out that Vivian Gee, an on again off again troll/gal-pal, was promoting her Sonichu audiobooks on youtube.



Meanwhile, Liquid declared himself the winner and marched off into adulthood.



On the 15th, even more happened.

Scarred by his experiences with Vivian and Liquid, Chris began to go through the process of getting Sonichu copyrighted for real.

But not before he responded to both of them. First, Vivian:



And his absolutely buttfurious, nigh-incoherent response to Liquid's announcement. Notice how out of breath he is at the end.



Not skipping a beat, Liquid uploaded this. It would be his last video for a while, and it marked the end of the first Liquid Saga.





As I've said before, this was not the first time Chris tried to use the Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on someone. However, this convinced him that he might actually have the power to curse people with misfortune, as it had apparently worked twice before. He'd apparently used it on Mary Lee Walsh back in 2004, and Chris assumed that her reputation had gone down as a result of his magic.

Chris then invented the "forgiveness blessing" and also attempted to use it to save Liquid from his kidnapper. Nothing came of it and Chris considered the issue with Liquid closed. For now.

Also, an update on the court situation.

Chris will not be punished for his two misdemeanor charges(trespass and minor assault). However, Chris and Barb's felony charges have been moved to a higher court for further review. This is, however, the first step towards an actual trial. The trial is going to take place on the 16th.

Snyder was also granted a Protective Order against both Chandlers. This means that if Chris and Barb go near Snyder, harass him in any way, or incite others to harass him, Snyder will have grounds to sue.

Once Chris decided that Liquid was dealt with, Chris turned his attention to Vivian.



He then sent her a few emails where he demanded her personal information so he could send the FBI after her. Vivian called his bluff and made fun of him for thinking he could curse people with bad luck.

Near the end of the month, the CWCki and CWCipedia both suffered an outage due to their shared host being terrible. It apparently shocked Chris considerably, because he sent the SysOp this message:



Sysop blamed a failtroll for the outage. This may or may not have been the case.

During the outage, Chris tried to establish a Deviantart account as a backup site, but it was banned shortly after he went back to the CWCipedia because he didn't properly censor some parts of the comic. On the 24th, Chris added nine new pages to the CWCipedia.

On the 28th, something happened and Chris's parents found out about the house tour videos Chris did four months previously. Chris presumably made the following video shortly after his parents found out. What makes this video hilarious is that midway through Chris's rant, Bob barges into the room and demands that Chris get his booty over to the computer so he can get the videos off the internet.



Chris initially uploaded this video, before he immediately replaced it with a version that cut out Bob. I did notice that when Bob orders Chris to "shut that goddamn thing off", Chris does something with the remote. It could be that Chris genuinely thought that the camera was off, and he didn't notice that he'd filmed Bob talking to him until he saw the preview image for the video.

what the hell did i miss while i was gone

Oh my god, this Liquid guys impression is spot on. I am in actual awe right now.

Chris would not survive in jail

It's probably going to come down to the fail stop accident charges. Bell can definitely argue Barb's class 6 away, and Snyder has already won a restraining order.

If convicted, Chris and Barb must either go to prison for at least one year(maximum ten). Alternatively, they can go to jail for at most a year and/or pay a fine that can't exceed $2500. In addition, they might have their licenses suspended for two years.

Obviously imprisonment isn't going to happen, and while Barb might lose her license she's too old to drive anyway. At the worst, Chris will be banned from driving a car unless his mother is present. If one of them goes to jail, it will probably be for a few months. And even then they'll have to pay off a fine of $5000 at the most.

This is all assuming they get convicted, of course.

And popcorn, don't forget the popcorn.

Whoops I was too busy not caring.

At least nobody's bringing Fanta.

Also at the end of august, Kacey began to talk to Chris every few days or so.

Now, Kacey has a horrible reputation. She was apparently booted out of the inner circle for being a complete and utter cow who thought that she could get Chris to change. As in, she expected her saga to be the last one. I don't know the full story myself, but that's all the inner circle will say on the matter.

The calls on the 28th and 29th of August 2009 mostly consisted of Kacey trying to convince Chris to get a job.

On the 30th, Chris gave us this video.



Chris would later reveal that this was a plot to "momentarily derail the trolls". I have no idea how he thought pretending to have a split personality would work.

The day after, Kacey called him again and tried to get an explanation. It still made no sense.

On the first of September, Chris began to act strangely. First, he remembered that Vivian Gee was still making audiobooks and sent her this message.



He also started favoriting gay videos and left weird comments about how "Christoper" wanted out.




When Kacey tried to explain that the whole split personality thing was stupid, he changed his story to some weird thing about the ghost of Clyde Cash (or Bluespike) making him favorite gay videos or something.

On the 4th, Vivian sent Bob a birthday present. Chris mistook it for an attempt to get back into his good books.



When Vivian refused to delete her youtube account after two days, Chris decided to try intimidation.



Trolls put the sign on his lawn to commemorate the one year anniversary of his ED page. I honestly don't know why he held onto it for so long.

Now, around this time, Evan George reappeared on the scene. I've lost track of their correspondence from this period, but it went like this:


Chris then blocked Evan and didn't speak to him until Evan's saga began. Chris then rewrote Simonla's CWCipedia page, removing anything that suggested that she was stolen from Evan. Chris actually left this on the page:



Chris figured that since he could have thought up a ground type Rosechu on his own, and since he had been planning on introducing one for a while, then he wasn't technically plagiarizing Evan.

Chris spent the rest of September 2009 talking to Kacey and trying to make his own audiobooks. Here's a sample:

really, split personality?

How did he think this was going to convince anyone?

It was just going to add to the "Chris is a closet homosexual" stuff that pisses him off. Which means he's effectively trolling himself for the trolls.

At that point I would have thought he was at least smart enough to not do this. Then again, this is Chris.

Why, if I may, is this even a thread?

I mean, it's far surpassed it's critical mass and exploded, but why?

I lol'd at the name of Chris' audiobook video, "Origin of Shit". Pfffft

Even Chris thought the idea was stupid.

At some point during the month, someone claiming to be Clyde Cash hacked Chris's PSN again. Chris was able to recover the account without issue, and he even managed to get the IP of the hacker.

Chris then traced the IP to an elementary school in Kentucky, at which point he deduced that the nefarious Clyde Cash, who he had spoken to over the phone multiple times, was an elementary school student between the ages of six and eleven.





Chris also discovered the section of the ED forums dedicated to him, and managed to foil a plot to convince him that Project Needlemouse was a Sonichu game. There were also a few minor trolls who employed the "pretend to make cheddar off of Sonichu" tactic, which just spurred Chris towards registering Sonichu with the library of congress.

Oh, and Chris also drew a picture of himself having a foursome with his custom characters from Rock Band. He'd later upload the picture to the CWCipedia and make a youtube video displaying it to the world as proof of his heterosexuality.

At the very start of October, Chris uploaded another set of new Sonichu pages. And now we return to our regularly scheduled comic.