AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Yes, Sun Reaper? Is something wrong?

My mind. I think you broke it.

Also bonus points for knowing Latin

So, midway through July, Chris's PSN accounts(he has like five) were hacked by someone calling himself Jack Thaddeus. Or maybe it was Samantha Thaddeus.

It started when Chris started spamming Samantha, demanding that she give him back his accounts. She refused. Chris claimed that thanks to a nonexistent detective, Chris knew that Samantha was someone named Alex Hendroil from Sacremento California. Samantha refused to budge even after Chris implied that she deserved to die in an earthquake for hacking his PSN account.

A day or so later he made these three videos, possibly while drunk. The first one addresses a failtroll who was trying the old fake girlfriend trick.



The second one addressed Sonichuizcool, a girl with Downs Syndrome or something that genuinely liked the Sonichu comics. She was trying to white knight for Chris but Chris thought she was a troll(she wasn't). I know she made a response video, and it's hilarious as fuck to hear a person with a genuine mental disability diss Chris.



Finally he got to Samantha. The video speaks for itself.



These videos are what got Chris's CChanSonichu account suspended. Chris abandoned the account in favor of his new account, IBAChandler. He uploaded a video entitled "A Near Public Apology", where "near" meant "I don't expect my trolls to find my account, but I somehow expect the failtroll and the girl with downs syndrome to find my account". Naturally it was uncovered the next day.



The next day, July 12, saw the following correspondence:



This caused Chris to snap. He sent the following email to Samantha a hundred and six times:



Samantha responded with bible verses that detailed a few sins Chris is guilty of. She then claimed that she was able to hack Chris's account because God gave her the passwords in a dream.

Chris flipped out and spammed her with this:



Eventually Chris "hacked Samantha's account"(she gave it to him), and Chris began his quest to get his PS3 accounts back by posing as one of his own trolls.

Ahaha oh lord this is too much.
Though I do feel a bit sorry for the girl who tried to defend Chris, do you know where the video is/can provide a link?

Oh woah. Just woah.

I lost track. Is this happening currently or are you basically doing CWC History 101?

Just history. The event I'm describing happened in July 2009. I'm going to go through the Liquid Saga so Sonichu 9 will at least have some context.



Right here.

On July 15, 2009, Chris went out to a Fridays with his friends again. The videos were uploaded the next day, along with some pictures of Chris drinking with a beached whale. The second picture is my favorite.









The woman was promptly dubed Hambeast. She was a friend of Kim (one of Chris's friends) who knew Chris as "sign guy". She has a reputation for being something of a whore, and was apparently willing to solve Chris's virginity problem purely for the sake of notoriety. Why exactly she reconsidered is unknown, but I know that Chris at least insulted her weight at some point.

Chris also uploaded this video to his IBAChandler account, presumably in an attempt to reverse troll his trolls. He was, of course, doing this at the behest of his trolls.



Now, after Samantha allowed him to "hack her account", he tried to impersonate her with the intent of finding out what Jack Thaddeus changed his PSN passwords to. Keep in mind that Chris had been speaking with Samantha for two days and that he was supposed to be speaking to her father. Presumably he still thought that Samantha was actually a guy, because this was his first message:

I might have forgotten to mention that Clyde Cash "committed suicide" at some point between May 2009 and July 2009.

After Jack Thaddeus reminded Chris that he was supposed to be impersonating his daughter(this happened twice, Chris isn't good at pretending to be other people), he "revealed his nefarious scheme". He was going to use the line "I'm not autistic, I work 40 hours a week to support my family" to get Chris's SSI check cut off. He claimed that the plan was foolproof, as the only way it could possibly go wrong was if Chris made a video confirming that he was indeed an unemployed autistic loser.

Chris promptly made a video in which he smugly admits that he is a failure at life. This is one of my favorite videos.



Chris also learned that Jack went to Otakon and helped a Chris impersonator sell fake Sonichu merchandise. Jack took care to mention that he made a ton of cheddar off of it. This caused Chris to finally notice Liquid, who had been making videos showcasing his Chris impersonation for the last month. Here's Liquid's video and Chris's retaliation.


Chris screwed up the audio in his response, so you'll need to turn up your volume


On the 23rd, Chris sat in on a "secret troll planning session" in IRC. The transcript is preserved here. Here are a few excerpts:





The trolls in attendance asked for a picture and the dimensions of his genitalia. Chris gave out his (5 inches, 2 inch diameter balls) and posted this picture.



After a lot of irrelevant Xbox 360 bashing, during which Chris said nothing:



Jack eventually revealed his plan: if Chris didn't made a video where he humped his PS3 for ten minutes, he'd get Chris permabanned from the PSN.

Chris was then asked to give his three main reasons for hating Chris:



And then for some reason he made this bizarre suggestion:



Then Chris learned about Ivy "killing herself".



They went into further detail on the PS3 humping blackmail. If Chris didn't make the video soon, his accounts would be permabanned and his console would be bricked. Both of these feats were possible due to "a plant inside Sony".

Chris began to inquire about any other plans.



There were in fact radio stations that did segments on Chris around that time.

Chris left the chat shortly afterwards, and uploaded another one of my favorite videos:

Chris is the new James Bond.

I half wonder how much of Chris's antics can be attributed to him alone, and how much is the result of assholes from the Internet finding a new toy.

Most of it is his fault.

Now, the day after Chris humped his PS3, Jack Thaddeus revealed that he knew that he was posing as Samantha the whole time. And that he was actually the real Samantha.

Chris demanded that Jack/Samantha return the PSN accounts as per their deal. However, Chris insisted that Samantha should return his accounts before getting the video. Since Chris was likely trying to pull a fast one, Sam called bullshit and added a new condition: he had to sing "It's Okay to Be Gay", by Tomboy.

He agreed, and one of the best Chris videos ever happened.



He would later mention that he felt nauseated after singing this video, and almost threw up.

However, Sam was unsatisfied and demanded a video where Chris didn't sound like a muppet. Chris attempted to bargain with her: the retake in exchange for the names of the plants at Sony and NBC29. Sam refused and Chris did the retake anyway.



Of course, he failed to take into account the fact that people would actually watch the video. Sam was rustled and made two demands of Chris.

First, he was supposed to make a puppet show about Sonic and Tails going camping in Wyoming and having gay sex. It had to be 15-20 minutes long, and nine minutes of it had to involve gay sex. At one point Chris was required to ask if he could join in. Second, he was required to redo the song again, this time wearing women's clothing.

Chris gave up on the accounts and sent this confusing message.



This was the last meaningful contact Chris had with Jack Thaddeus, as the Liquid Saga was beginning and Chris was too busy being rustled at him to care about anything else.

When Chris was talking about "Trolling Chris by having him rape his counselor" I can't help but wonder if he wanted them to take the idea... *shudder*