AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted, you die.

I wish for an imaginary unicorn named Sparkles.

Granted. He's also a badly-written vampire in disguise. You expose him to sunlight and he becomes unimaginary, impaling you with his unicorn-horn and draining you of blood. He then incinerates your remains with laser beams.

...What.

I wish I'd gotten to know the awesome people in my orchestra better, since most of them are leaving next year. Far too soon.

WHAT THE HELL, LESS.

Granted. They all turn out to be sociopaths.

I wish for a Petunia.

Granted. But theres a giant bee in it and it stings you in the eye.

I wish people knew my puppy is a GIRL.

Granted, but you get payed less.
I wish I could dance really well.

Granted. But you get hit by a car and break your legs FOREVER.

Granted.

I wish i had a free weekend.

Granted but when you get it you realize its broken.

I wish my brother would shut up.....

Granted, but then you drown from too much fluids.
I wish the Detroit Red wings won tonight. (stupid penguins, they don't earn to hold the cup.)

Granted. But the Penguins hired a hit man on one of the Red wings so when he held up the cup he got shot to death, and 3 other civilians got shot to.

I wish you would shut up about hockey.

Granted, but she becomes even stupider.

I wish people would be more optimistic.

Granted, the planet blows up because people's optimism tells them that the Earth is fine if they destroy the resources.

I wish I had a Taelon Power Plant.

Granted. You die. Horribly.

I wish that I had some Burger King.