AWKWARD ZOMBIE

OKAY FORUMITES. I PROMISED. AND THIS TIME I DELIVERED. TODAY COUSIN CRISPY WILL BE MAKING:

CINNAMONBUNS!



FOR THIS RECIPE YOU WILL NEED:
2 and a half cups of flour ( you can also substitute a cup and a half of white flor for 1 cup of whole wheat. we add extra white because it doesn't hold as well as with the whole wheat.)
three quarters of a cup of butter OR Margarine
a tablespoon of baking POWDER
a tablespoon OR MORE (if you want) of cinnamon
half a cup of brown sugar
a quarter of a cup of milk
half a tablespoon of salt


OPTIONAL
1 (or more!) friend(s) to help take photos and eat your creation (her name is crystal. :3 )


FIRST OFF, C--

Oh. Okay. I guess my counter is already kinda cleared. I have Enough space to bake here.

OKAY

WE'VE GOT OUR RECIPE BOOK. WE'RE SET


FIRST PRE-HEAT THE OVEN TO 350 F.


THEN GET YOUR FRIEND TO TAKE PHOTOS OF YOU WASHING THE FILTH FROM YOUR HANDS. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP!


PUT YOUR FLOUR IN YOUR BOWL!


THIS IS WHAT TWO CUPS LOOKS LIKE. ONLY PUT IN TWO CUPS FOR NOW.



NEXT ADD YOUR BAKING POWDER
FOLLOWED BY SALT (I forgot to take a photo of this.)


ADD YOUR BUTTER IN. ALL OF IT

NEXT YOU NEED TO GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY (unless you have a pastry blender)
MIX YOUR DRY INGREDIENTS WITH THE BUTTER UNTIL IT TURNS ALL CRUMBLY AND PACKY. (crystal forgot to take this photo!)


Add in your egg and milk. (see how it's crumbly and in little bits? this is what you want to achieve before adding your wet ingredients!)


Mix 'er all up guys!

Okay now remember that half a cup of flour we set aside? Now's the time to a--

JESUS FUCK THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH FUCKING FLOUR. KIDS DON'T BAKE LIKE COUSIN CRISPY AND ONLY MEASURE HALF THE TIME OKAY? FUCK

after mixing in the extra half cup, lightly flour your counter! this is also important, unless you want your dough to stick to the counter and be a pain to roll up later!

your counter should look kinda like this!


Knead that dough, Soldier! you should knead the dough no more than 8 to 15 times!

Take this opertunity to sprinkle your counter again ( if you think that you don't have anouth flour to prevent the dough from sticking to your counter top.)

Roll your dough out inot a rough square shape. Crystal forgot to take more photos. ugh. worst helper.
take MORE butter and spread it over the dough so that it coveres the entire surfase. then in a separate bowl mix up your Brown sugar and cinnamon

see? it's not mixed. but this is what you need to do. mix these buggers up!

Sprinkle it out all over the buttery dough and rub it in. mox all that deliciousness in, forumites! MAKE THAT DOUGH LOVE YOU. It should look like

this!

Roll it up like a jelly roll next!

It will look like a snake. so much fun!


See this here, lads? she is your BEST FRIEND HERE! Get out a muffin tray and spray it with her. Your cinnamon buns demand it.

after cutting them up, line up your children like so.

they may be a bit misshapen from moving them, but they will still be okay.

PUT THEM IN THE OVEN! Huzzah!

While waiting, perhaps you could enjoy a nice warm drink!

Crispy likes having tea in hir Love mug. yes Az. I do love you.

or looking at the dishes you have no doubt dirtied.

Clean up that kitchen!

DIIING

Oh! has it really be 15-20 minutes already?


Aparently it has! huzzah! our children are done baking!

Take them out! you don't want them dying in there!



mmmmm. don't they look delicious?


Crispy suggests eating these delicious bundles of happiness with Hot chocolate or, if you're Spoony, a cup of hate and despair.


and there you have it, AZ!

SO MUCH DELICIOUSNESS

Brb, making that. Shit where do I get a muffin form at 11 pm?

uhhh try the cupboards?

cvs

AAaaahhhhh......

Delicious....

way better than tims cinnamon rolls. :U

That doesn't take much.

BU

Have yu tried the honey lemon tea? i highly recomed it.

I had a roast beef and feta cheese sadwich
It was awesome

Seasoned chicken breast with craft dinner.

Mmmmmm....

Oops! I spelled it wrong!

Kraft Dinner.

Sorry guys! Sorry! Won't happen again!

Hey guys, it's that time again!
Aaand I forgot to take pictures again.

Anyway, today we make Angel's eyes. It's cookies.

What you'll need:
240 g flour
150 g butter
70 g powdered sugar
2 egg yolk
a bit of salt
A pack of vanilla sugar
ground lemon peel from 1 whole lemon
jam/jelly/marmalade of whatever flavour you fancy

It's really easy.
Take all the ingredients except the jam and mix and knead them together. You might need to add some extra flour so it doesn't stick to your hands.

When it's a nice dough, put it in the fridge for 1-2 hours.

It will be really hard after that.

Now just snap a bit off of it and knead it into a wibbly wobbly ball.

Put it on a baking tray with baking paper on it.

Now take a wooden spoon, dunk the handle into flour and put a nice hole in the dough ball. Not all the way through, just a good way in!

In the hole you put the jam. It should be about half a tea spoon per cookie if you made them the right size.

Do that for all the dough and make sure that there is enough space between them, cause they will get flatter and wider when baking.

Put them in the oven at 200°C for 15 minutes.

When they are done and cooled off, put some powdered sugar on them, or don't.

Eat their eyes!

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Allow me to introduce myself; I am Captain Chinmaster of the USS Chocolate Yule Log. This is my first mate, Jenkins.

Hi everybody!

Haha that's Jenkins for you.

In any case, the reason I've brought you all here today is to witness the maiden voyage of this fine piece of work. She's composed of,

CAKE:
5 eggs, separated
2 1/2 cups of sugar
1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup baking cocoa
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar

FILLING
1 cup whipping cream
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon instant coffee granules

FROSTING
1/3 cup butter, softened
1/3 cup baking cocoa
2 cups powdered sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon brewed coffee
2 tablespoons milk

Sounds fine, doesn't she? Well let's get right to work.

First we separate the eggs. A tricky maneuver, but nothing we haven't seen before


Next we put the whites aside and beat the yellows until they're so goddamn light and fluffy that I could sleep in them
Yes sir!

Good work, Jenkins.

Next, gradually mix one of the 1/2v cups of sugar in. It should turn thicker and lemon-colored. Looks good enough to eat already.


In a separate bowl, mix the dry ingredients together. Start with flour

Then cocoa...

...and salt

daisies fine job, men.


Now we gradually add this mixture to the yolk mixture.

We keep this up, we'll be home for Christmas


Sir, what about the egg whites? What should we do about them?
Don't worry Jenkins, I haven't forgotten about them. After mixing that previous stuff together, start beating the whites until it begins to foam

Then we'll add the cream of tartar and beat it until soft peaks begin to form.

After that we'll add the other 1/2 cup of sugar and beat it some more

Godddamn but do I love to beat things


Next we'll add the egg white mixture to the yolk mixture...

...and mix them together until there are no streaks remaining.


Now we pour the mixture into a jelly-roll pan lined with parchment paper
Sir, I can't help but think we're forgetting something...
Haha, don't worry Jenkins. I'm sure everything will turn out fine.


Bake it in an oven at 350 degrees for around 12 minutes. Be sure not to overbake; this beauty only needs a little bit of help to get her going


While it cools, dust a linen towel with some powdered sugar so the cake doesn't stick as much


And flop her right down on there.


Now we just peel off... shit. You were right Jenkins, we were supposed to grease the paper before putting the batter in.
Sorry I couldn't be more help, sir
No, it was my fault. We'll just have to forge ahead, I suppose. After all, what could go wrong?


Now we'll roll her up in the towel and let her cool off for a while


Let's get staryted on the filling. First we'll beat the whipping cream until it thickens.


After that mix in the sugar and coffee granules. We're back on track, Jenkins.
Yes sir!
Now we'll just leave that to chill for a bit and unroll the cake


Once the filling has chilled for a bit, we just pour it in the cake and start rolli-
Sir! Breach! We've got a hull breach!
What?!
It looks like the filling wasn't thick enough and now it's all flowing out through the hole!


No, goddamn it no! We're so close! Finish rolling that thing up and get it on a plate!


WE NEED TO PLUG THIS GODDAMN HOLE

WHO THE HELL WAS ON FROSTING DUTY
I was... sir.... I'm... sorry

JENKINS

HOLD ON JENKINS


We did it.
Did... did we win Cap'n?


We won, private. It's not pretty, but we won.


I'm sorry, Jenkins

I'm so goddamn sorry

tl;dr despite all the shit that got fucked up it still tastes pretty good

That last picture made the whole thing. XD

Let's go and make some weeaboo shit.

Katsudon, yeah that sounds weeaboo enough.

You'll need:
2 small pork steaks or cutlets
some flour
2 or more eggs
Panko (T/N: Panko is Japanese for breadcrumbs)
oil
1 spring onion
3 table spoons soy sauce
2 table spoons sake
2 table spoons mirin (it's like sweet sake? You can use sherry too if you can't find it)
200 ml Dashi (T/N: Dashi is fish broth. You can get powder for it in an Asia shop)
cooked rice, duh.


So take your steaks and dip them into flour

a beaten egg

then the panko

looks like mine is a bastard child of Korean and Japanese or something.
Be sure to press the stuff on good so it won't fall off.
Then pour a shit ton of oil into a pot or a pan or just use a deep fryer cause I know y'all Amurricans have one in your homes and deep fry the steaks for as long as they take to look good. My recipe said 3 minutes each at 180°C but that would have been too long on my stove.

Don't forget to let one of them accidentally fall into the pan and make a few drops of hot oil fall onto your foot, giving you 2nd degree burns.
http://i1251.photobucket.com/albums/hh543/D-vid/HNI_0068.jpg
Take your Dashi

soy sauce

Mirin and Sake

and mix them together in a pan. Then put it on medium heat and wait until it boils.
In the mean time, cut your steaks that are now called Tonkatsu for some reason in stripes.

When the liquid boils put spring onion rings inside for a few minutes.

After that put your Tonkatsu inside too and let it boil a bit.

Lastly put 1 or more beaten eggs inside, lower the heat and let it boil another 5 minutes.

Rice goes in a bowl, some of the stuff from the pan on top, eat with o-hashi(T/N: chopsticks).
Itadakimasu, bitches.