AWKWARD ZOMBIE

An Onix? Sure, then along with my Bidoof, I'll have the second worst Pokemon in the game!

After Magikarp, I mean.

Also, I can't get Steelix, remember?


Edit: Oh, and I will be using the Secret Key. It comes out in Europe on the 8th.

I hope that Bidoof is destined for HM slavedom.

Today's update: ACTUAL BATTLES!


Okay, having to pass through this route so much is really getting on my nerves...

(god. daisies. bidoofs.)


But hey, at least its good for experience points!


Looks like another Star- OH HEY I HAVE POKEBALLS NOW!


The geeks of the Pokemon world.


Well, its not.


DING!


Pros:
-new move
-may actually be used at some point

Cons:
-not fudging likely!


And now to-
Wait, there's a Dawn hiding around this corner, isn't there.


FINALLY someone responds to what I say!


What. All you do is throw a Pokeball at it. And, for Bidoofs, as hard as you can.


HIT IT HARD!!


Congrats, you now have two utterly craptacular Pokemon!


TECHNOLOGY YEAH!


Put them to sleep?




I already got ten. They're like a dime-a-dozen down at the mart. This gift is about as pathetic as the Journal.


Except for Bidoofs. They're more likely to end up being a liability to you, somehow.

I don't know how, but they'd find a way to screw you over when using them in battle!


Here's to hoping I can actually get to Jubilife City without having to meet you again.


Aaaand now back to levelling up on Bidoofs.


Awwwwwww, how cute! A puppy!



KILL IT WITH FIRE!!


FUCK YEAH!


That is one sweet novelty hat. Where can I find a hat with an excalamtion bubble pointing out of it like that?


Logic at work.


Well I'm sure this is gonna be an even battle...


Toasty!


I still don't know where I get this cheddar from, but hey; if life gives you lemonade, don't question its existance before you get stuck into yet another subplot!


I'm... right in front of you. You don't need to spy on me...


Wait what? Why do you lot insist on trying to destroy my Pokemon?


...


Yeah.....


More W00Tinary is in order here!


Gosht! Real big surprise there! I never thought I'd win that match!




Oh god! They're becoming more powerful! They know my hatred of them and plan on taking me down!


Hey, no fair, I called dibs on winning first!


Oh come on. Its completely wrapped in flammable fuel! This is gonna be more pathetic than the Bidoof trainer!


Still enjoyable though. Whee, firey firey death!


I...'m not sure what experience there was to be gained from setting leaves on fire, but there ya go.


Right; whatever about talking to everyone, trying to battle everyone just seems ridiculous to me!
Heck, not everyone has Pokemon. As shocking as it might sound, there are some people who don't think Pokemon battling is serious business!


Oh hey, another electro-puppy!
Right, this one I am gonna catch. I am not gonna screw it up. I am not going to kill it...


GOD FUCKING daisies!


Who puts these here, it makes no sense!

BIDOOF INTERMISSION!

BIDOOF INTERMISSION!


Return of the puppies!


It's like there's a wootinary in my mouth and everyone's invited!


Get it? Eh? Eh? Getit?






Hey, y'know who I haven't seen?

FUCKING COCKS! And so close to reaching the city too!

Catch a male Ralts. Turn it into a Gallade. Kick everybody's booty.

Goddam yes, I've told you this several times: I already caught Pokemon!


Isn't that the whole point on the Pokedex?


Please please please don't force me to follow you...


God. daisies.


The screenshot doesn't show it, but that man is running backwards and forwards between those two lightpoles.


Sssh, dude! Indoor voice!


Wait, we're outside. Hm.


I... huh?


Wait, you mean by running backwards and forwards across the street and shouting as loud as you can was you trying to be undercover?!

Why must everyone in Sinnoh be oh so hopelessly horrible at their job?


I... didn't say that.

I'd be running away now if Dawn would actually let me go.


I prefer the term "special".


Yes. My power of observation allowed me to see a man behind a very thin lightpost. Totally.


Worst. Undercover agent. Ever.


For a very loose definition of 'elite', right?


But they never call you Toucher.


OH LAWLZ AZ SHOUTOUT!


Whenever somebody says that, the item I get is rarely of any use.


Today is not an exception.


Really now, what on earth is wrong with cameras?


Wait; you're able to NOT battle in this region?!


Trust me: I've tried asking people the same thing for ages. They never listen.


Such strenuous work, eh? Having to run between two lightposts all day?


You mean it was right there all along?


Wait, trainer school? You mean its an entire school dedicated to teaching only on how to battle with Pokemon?!


...Alright, McPants is beginning to be too easy to mock at this point.


I can't help but notice that people here tend to say their goodbyes very... suddenly.
Imagine that in real life. While still talking to someone on a topic, just say "Ok, bye now" and leave straight away.


DO IT!


Oh gods, flashbacks of my own school days!
PLEASE, NO! NOT IN THE TOILET!

*coff*
Right. Find McPants ASAP, give him the parcel, then get the heck out of dodge! -I mean the building.


Second thoughts: steal anything not bolted down, THEN find McPants!
Besides, it's not like anyone will mind me taking this stuff. Kids don't have feelings, right?


I'm insulted! He just implied that I would never go into a school to learn! That's rude, inappropriate, and only mostly true!


But you're not Professor Oa- oh right, different times... I was wondering where all the Pidgey went to.



What happened to my NES anyway?


But... aren't we in a city?
Oh wait, its a map of Twinleaf Town? Heh, you've been living their your whole life but you still don't know how to navigate the whole four buildings?


Wait, you're so much of an idiot that you need two maps to know where to go?


Oh hey, you're actually useful, for once!



Umm.... that's not how maps work.


That'd be funny. "Pokemon Grand Master McPants"!
Keep dreaming, kid. I don't know how you expect to be able to get enough gym badges. I mean, you're still light-years away from beating Brock!


Should I add in a "I like shorts" comment for good measure?


Oh wait, he's gone? I sorta dazed off for a minute.

So now what: should I go fight random trainers and beat up little kids, or should I continue advancing the plot?

Beat up little kids.

Beat up little kids and catch a Male Ralts so you can kick their asses even harder with your awesome Gallade.

Catch a male Ralts. Turn it into a Gardevoir. Make fun of it for being a tranny.

HOW CRUEL.

Get a Male Lopunny and then do the abovementioned suggested by Water. Gardevoir is overused for lulz.

You know, you can get a female Mr. Mime. :o

JESUS CHRIST MY UNIVERSE HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN.

Majority rules!


Say goodbye, kiddies!


"Doing it is the best way to learn", eh? Man, why couldn't my sex ed teacher have a policy like that?




Wait, you actually asked permission to fight? Wow, thats probably the nicest thing anyone has said to me the entire game!

Still gonna kick your booty though.


BWAHAHAHAH! You look like a dork!

--Said the beret-wearing man.


Look, I know you're a kid and all, but I really think you could've gone with something better than a Starly.


I mean c'mon, they faint from a light breeze!
What you need is an electro-puppy. It's like sticking a knife in a toaster, only cuter!


You only had a Starly! Surely you could've captured a Bidoof someplace!


Well I can battle properly anyway, so I guess it all comes down to whether or not you can pull off a decent attacker without-

Yeah... no.

Stay in school kid. Chances are someone as retarded as you could get eaten by wild Budews or something.



Also, I only noticed now that Chimchar looks like he's farting out fire in that image!
He probably is too.
:awesome:


Oooh, owch! That Bidoof actually managed to do damage! That's not right, that's not right at all!


Aaaah, no! This girl actually knows how to use items! Mabye she's not as retarded as I first thought after all!


*sniff* They grow up so fast!


Oh hey, an actually useful item, for once! Thanks! Now I sorta regret having given you those whirlies a few minutes ago.


...back in the toilet with you! Never say I don't know how to use potions again!


Anyway, I should probably head outside now. The stench of Learning is getting to me...


Sure I do! Like I know that, umm... Pokemon can spontaneously change the position of the sun!
Totally! No way is it just that I skipped making today's update until rather late in the day! Definitely the Pokemons' fault.


Didn't... didn't you just see me come out of the school?
Oh wait, you're at an angle to the enterance. I forgot you people can't see in a direction not at 90 degrees.


STARING COMPETITION!


Note to self: to trade Pokemon, hold a rectangular plastic block out in front of you, then proceed to stare angrily at your trading partner from a distance.


Wait, I'll find places by... going to them?
FUKKEN' GENIUS!


No, see, the Professor doesn't evolve Pokemon, he just mauls them completely until they stop representing the Pokemon as it used to be!

SUDDENLY:

What are you, the anti-Santa?


Hm. I would've thougth to be a Pokemon trainer you needed Pokemon. But apparently, you actually need a type of watch. Nuts.


The rare Beretted Trainer in its natural habitiat.


So you're this region's giant company president? Nice to meetcha! Where do I pick up my Master Ball?


That... has to be the lamest PR campaign I've ever heard.


Wait, you'll just give the thing away, completely free? Man, and I thought the guy running the PokeStore was bad at his job!

So anyway, SCAVENGER HUNT!


That's a clown?! That... really looks more like a bad Pikachu cosplayer than a clown!


Well some obviously can. But I don't know about Pokemon like Gengar...


What about Pokemon with two hands, eh?


Woo! Two more to go!


Clown #2.

Man, these guys are so ridiculous...


Nobody wants to hear his boring question. Kthxbye.


And last one. I don't know how I managed to miss him completely.


I...
Umm...
Wait, what the heck are Exp. Points anyway? I mean, I know what they are, but why on earth is a Pokemon's strength so determined by them? And how can we see exactly how much it has? And how come their strength only goes up at every level milestone rather than continuously? And how come their strength doesn't deteriorate over time? Heck, how can we see the exact health of a Pokemon anyway? And-

Oooh, shiney!


You need to use a watch to count up to three?

How exactly did you invent these anyway?


Alright, I'll shut up now.


Woo, I actually have something other than a silouette of a Pokeball to look at now! Even if all it does is tell the time. And its only in three colours.
Need to change the time though. It's obviously still midday. Totally not a belated update, nope!


Man, why couldn't I have moved to Orre? Their watches are REALLY impressive!


What, you mean like instead of a Pikachu in the corner... it'll be a Raichu?

Cuz that would actually be rather awesome! Raichu kicks booty!


...yeah, alright, I think he ran away because I was being too crazy...


So anyway, lets check out this Town Map to see what else there is here.


....wait, what? That doesn't look anything like this city! And it certainly doesn't look like Twinleaf Town either! What the hell kind of town map is this?!


Ah, screw the town. Imma going to hunt more Bidoofs! TO THIS DIRECTION, I GO!

Get a Gible and evolve it into a Garchomp. You will kick booty.

Oh right, forgot to mention: I plan on playing this game without using any Uber-tier pokemon. Its never as fun then.

I also plan on playing without using a constant team of Pokemon too. Well, mabye I'll keep a Ralts on full-time or something.
GALLADE OR GARDEVOIR! VOTE NOW!

Or, vote before I reach Route 208. I got mixed up and thought they were on 203. Hm.