AWKWARD ZOMBIE

in the fancy part of my town there's this really old pub with really ornate urinals and stuff in, they're made of marble.

Isn't marble really really suspectible to acids? And urine is acidic?

Spoony.

We all know you have a gambling addiction.

We're here for you.

Urine is a base last I recall.

Urine is usually close to neutral (but it depends on what you're trying to get rid of), because it contains dissolved salts, which are Ph neutral.

But Uric Acid is in there if I remember right.

Which doesn't actually do anything. If urine was acidic enough to do damage to solid things, it would do even worse to your fleshy insides.

It wouldn't have to be all that strong if the urinals are used regularly enough. Stains that never go away after a few weeks and you can't use many cleaners without making it worse. Just doesn't sound like the best material to make urinals from.

you cant get crabs from a toilet seat

you cannot get stds from a toilet seat

All the pub bathrooms that I've seen have that "you're going to die here" kind of vibe. None worse than the public bathroom in the town centre though, it is always dirty even though no one uses it, has no light, a heavy as shit door, questionable lock and always feels under 10 degrees even in the middle of summer.

I remember visiting a bathroom in a questionable pub in a questionable part of town.
Oh lordy, the toilet was clogged and the door had no lock.
Floor was bodaciously covered in a thin layer of feces.
Worst bathroom ever
would not run out again

What if the seat is warm?

I don't like public toilets because people don't know how to aim.

That's kind of a bad argument since your stomach acid is near pH 1. Wikipedia says "The pH of urine is close to neutral (7) but can normally vary between 4.6 and 8." .

How could you not notice?