AWKWARD ZOMBIE

It's okay, Trygve. I believe you, even if no one else does.

Also, I never actually made white chili before, Twas very educational, Mr. Dr. Prof. Kamak.

You forgot PHD.

Well I haven't done anything for this thread yet, so here we go. TIME TO BAKE. Sitting around looking through magazines and shit the other day and I found this recipe for baked chocolate pudding or something in one of my ma's lady magazines, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

-4 EXTRA LARGE EGGS (although I used 5 smaller eggs)
-3/4 CUP COCOA POWDER
-1/2 CUP FLOUR
-2 CUPS SUGAR
-1 TSP VANILLA EXTRACT
-1 CUP MELTED BUTTER (unsalted)
-2 QUART OVAL BAKING DISH
-BIGGER DISH TO PUT YO DISH IN

The first thing I like to do when baking is to listen to some music. Obviously you should listen to what you like, but for this project, I chose to listen to Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood.



Now that we have some music going, PRESET THAT OVEN TO 325 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT.



Now gather your ingredients so you don't have to stop later to find them.



First thing first, you gotta melt that sweet, delicious butter. To do this, throw it in a bowl



stick it in the microwave



and BAM! MELTED BUTTER; 1 CUPS WORTH.



Next, sift your cocoa and flour together into a bowl real nice like so you can get those pesky lumps out.





Then, pour allllll the sugar into a big mixing dish.



Next, you're gonna crack yo eggs and put them in with the sugar. I suggest using another bowl to crack your eggs into, then add them to the sugar one at a time.







The reason for this is so you don't have to get more sugar/eggs and start over if you get a shitty egg. Its not very common, but it happens. Seriously, I went to make an omelet once, cracked two eggs into my bowl, then the third egg was filled with dead chick blood or some shit. It was my last egg too. Fuckin' rustled me off.

Anyway, fast forwarding a bit, all the eggs are now in the sugar.



Just look at that beautiful, yellow shine. Now put that shit in the mixer for like 5-10 minutes on medium. While the mixer worked its magic, I decided to play God and add to the recipe. I had some raspberries in the fridge, so I figured "why the hell not?" and decided to smash some up and use them.





Alright, now that those berries met their end (and a good deal more found their way into my mouth), the mixing should be done.



You'll know its done when its a really, light yellow color. Now, with the mixer switched to low, slowly add the vanilla extract and cocoa/flour. This is also when I added my raspberries. Once that is all mixed nice and good, slowly add the butter. IT should now look like so.



Now grease up your 2 QT dish and pour that shit in.





Now for the bigger dish. Fill that one with hot tap water so that it will come half way up the side of the 2 QT dish when you place it in.



Once all previous steps have been successfully completed, place your dish in a dish in the oven for 1 hour. And with that, it's in God's hands now.

TOO BE CONTINUED...

Not pictured: massive clean-up from cocoa powder fucking EVERYWHERE flying out of the mixer when it was set to high by mistake.

HEY CHEFS


Apparently I was drafted into this cooking competition on Christmas day between a bunch of people who are going to be visiting and myself.

We're all going to be making an appetizer.


My problem is that I make main courses. :/

So anybody have some good ideas for some delicious appetizers that wouldn't take too long to prepare? If something needs to be soaked in advance in a sauce or something then I could do that, but I have zero ideas on what to make.

Are we talking more vegetable related, cracker related, or protein related?

Make spinach dip.

The highest form of spinach

Anything so long as it looks awesome, really. I just have never done appetizers.

I would suggest making REAL croutons (or at least fresh focaccia bread), but that takes a bit of time... and bread baking is a fickle mistress...

Also, one of these days I'll have time to upload the pics for the day two instructions for the White Chili... been busy as balls over here. :/

Well Chinmaster, it's Thanksgiving, your family has left to go visit some other relatives. But you're okay with that. You aren't seething at the slight they have bestowed.

You need to make something to bring to the neighbor's party to take your mind off of how content well-adjusted you are. What are you going to do about that?


LET'S MAKE SOMETHING FRENCH. THAT'S HOW REAL AMERICANS CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING


Tartiflette:
26.5 oz potatoes
8.5 oz cream
8.5 oz white wine
7 oz bacon
Wheel of soft cheese
2-3 yellow or white onions
1 tsp salt

As you might know, cooking is impossible without the right music. Anything you cook will bring shame upon your house and a curse upon your family.

I recommend "You're Awful, I love you" by Ludo

Start by boiling your potatoes with the salt. Just leave them there for now. Just like everyone has left you.


Holy shit this place is a mess.


You can clean while also receiving a phone call from the family that left you here to rot


If you, like Chinmaster, cannot find a job that will allow you to support yourself away from home, make use of the cooking implements like this one. Otherwise just cut the onions with a knife.


After that is done, cook up your bacon. You can also use diced ham if you are WEAK. Perhaps that is why they left you here.


Look at them, just laying there. They have no idea what is in store for them. The poor innocent fools.


They never stood a chance.


Mix your meat and onions together in a skillet along with the white wine.


Chinmaster prefers to chop up the onions while cooking them to save time. As if he has anywhere important to be.


The potatoes should be done boiling at this point. In fact, Chinmaster has left them to boil for too long, making them too soft to cut cleanly. Sometimes Chinmaster wishes his heart could feel that soft again. But he knows that will never happen.


Let the onions cook until they get soft and most of the wine has left. It's gone and it's never coming back.


Mix all this together in a sizable container. Doesn't it look pop flyin', all together like that? It's obvious that those onions would never leave those potatoes behind, leaving them to fend for themselves. Not like some people.


Pour your cream into the mixture. It will settle to the bottom, so you'll need to mix it up. You may start to feel sympathetic for the cream. You know how easy it is to just lay at the bottom of life and not do anything about it.


You cannot allow your mercy to color your judgement. Mix everything together- even if you have almost forgotten the meaning of that last word


Cut up your cheese wheel and put it on top.


Put it in to bake for about 30 minutes at around 410 degrees. You may want to find something to do while this is going on. Acceptable choices include reading, sobbing at your pitiful husk of an existence, vidya, television, planning the demise of certain family members, and/or cruising the internet


Your French Thanksgiving Feast is now complete. Whoever eats this will surely be stuffed afterward. If only it could fill the other void inside your soul.

Yesss tartiflette

What kind of soft cheese would you recommend, O master of chins?

I lost. that whole thing was just beautiful

Looks like camembert he's used. Why he's just lopped it into quarters to sit awkwardly on top instead of, like, a consistent layer, I don't know. Maybe indolence.

or at least invert them so they curve with the pan what the shit chin

In France we use Reblochon most of the time.