AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Madican, stop it. My lungs.

My friends got sick with a fever and puking this weekend. Now I'm sick with a horrible cold and diarrhea. Why am I backwards

I might be late to the whole swimmer's ear thing but I get it in my right ear almost every time I go swimming.
It really isn't that big of a deal.

My grandma usually burned a match under a metal spoon full of oil (I think it was rubbing oil or something, I forget), absorbed the warmed oil in a cotton ball, and put it in my ear. I'd lie on the couch for about fifteen minutes so the oil would drip into my ear, and once it got a little dry I could walk around with it in there. After a day (ta-daah!) bye-bye swimmer's ear.

Also that whole ear candle thing doesn't work. Turns out the residue inside the tube is just stuff from the burnt paper.

I remember my mom used to use those candles.

They scared the crap out of me.

I hate it when I jizz so hard that it makes it to my face

It feels fantastic until it hits my face. but still.ew

Dude I am not circumcized and it is a turtle neck. So I more or less dribble out.
I wish I could shoot my load.

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Just saying you should still be thankful you can shoot. And it is pretty impressive if you can shoot that far.

I can only manage to hit my belly button, that is while I'm lying down though. Once hit my chest while sitting up. Surprised the hell out of me and had to change shirts because my mom called me for dinner just as I finished.

No thanks, mom, I already ate!

i can hit the ceiling

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I love walking into the TMI thread and seeing people talking about masterbation.

Remember guys


Willow is always watching.

This image just goes so far.

I once accidentally got it on my undershirt, and had to sneak it into the pajama load in the wash without my mom noticing.