AWKWARD ZOMBIE

What's the deal with buying condoms? It's not like it's a taboo thing, since, y'know, pretty much everyone has sex sometime or the other. And it's great to stay safe.
I mean, I don't get all shy and embarrassed when I buy pads. It's just something you gotta do, and who gives a fuck what you do.

Right?

And it's even easier to buy them online and not have to deal with it at all. So there's that.

My brother was a cashier for a while.
He says that after your first couple days or so you just start mindlessly swiping things. Bananas? Boring. Condoms? Whatever. Interplanetary missiles? Uhh. Yeah, gonna need a price check.
Oh, wait, here it is *swipe*

But then of course is the problem of waiting. And shipping fees.

I may actually just go with the wink and thrust thing.

But in all honesty, sex just hasn't really been a part of my life until now, and it feels weird to actually have to go buy these things all of a sudden.

I think it will wear off. But for the first time, it just feels a little awkward.

I'm not ashamed. Really, I'm more proud that anything.

It's just all so foreign.

I dunno. Part of it is that this seems highly pathetic to me because it's just a simple thing to do while, say, getting your groceries.

Another part of it is that this mindset just seems really decadent and lazy to me. Like "Hey why should I ever leave my house if everything I want can be delivered right to my door and I don't have to deal with other humanssss or the outdoorssss."

Not that I'm trying to say I have something against you man, it's just that particular attitude that rubs me the wrong way sometimes.

But sometimes you need them when you don't have anything else to buy. My brother STILL hates my sis-in-law for making him go out and buy her things like pads when they just went out and brought groceries. And plus, let's say, you were just dating someone, everything is casual, you aren't expecting sex at this point, and now you need them (as has happened to a few of my friends). Now you're needing to get them, it's night, and you're going to one of the stores to pick up just that.

Getting them by mail would help circumvent the late night purchase if you had enough foresight to get them (since you wouldn't have the discomfort of having to purchase them in person, you'd be more likely to be prepared).

And for many people, this is out of their comfort zones to do, since buying something that is pretty much solely used for sex leaves little room for interpretation (hell, a few of my friends hate going out and buying spraypaint even because someone asked them if they were going to use it to get high, and they just use it for painting up shit that they make). If people are uncomfortable with it, why not let them do it? Another thing to consider, at least where I live, some stores CARD you when you purchase things like condoms, so when it scans, the machine beeps, and the guy has to check your ID. Not exactly something discreet.

And besides, it's only as lazy as any of the other online buying (I personally cringe at the people who buy food online, mostly because of how easy it is for that to go bad), and it's not like it's something that's more essential to life. And, like other online things, you're probably going to get a wider variety of products, and possibly get it for cheaper than you would in a supermarket or a drugstore.

And if you're a hermit and you managed to get someone to have sex with you... I'd be kinda worried, personally.

However, I will say if I'm ever caught up in something where I'm going to have sex and don't have any condoms, I'm going to nut up and go buy them. I'm more afraid of having sex without them than uncomfortable with buying them in person.

It never made sense to me why stores would card you for condoms. A friend of mine told me that a store tried to card him when he tried to buy a pack. He basically told them off that if he couldn't get them and the girl got pregnant he would come back to sue for them not selling him the condoms. I know that logic isn't exactly sound, but why refuse selling protection to minors? There's only one thing that people can do with condoms. The alternative is something everyone is actively trying to avoid.

My point here is not really that I don't see why you want to buy them online. My point is that, as an adult, it's sort of silly to be so embarrassed about some stranger behind a register knowing that you are a person who has sex that you opt to buy condoms online, rather than just get them and have them when you need them. No one has the foresight to pinpoint weather or not they will need condoms, like, a week or so in advance. I just do not see the point. You get your condoms, a candy bar or something, and take it to the register. If the person really cards you, then oh well. Show em your card and get your stuff.

It's just one of those things you have to learn how to do so grumpy people on the internet like me don't have to write about it while they would be doing things that aren't stupid.

It makes parents feel safe knowing that their little Bobby isn't going to be porking Suzie down the street since they can't get ahold of condoms.

Because it's impossible for teenagers to have sex without condoms, right?

If you're really uncomfortable, just use a self-checkout line, like Kroger has.
Even though, as said earlier, cashiers just couldn't care less about it, anyway.

The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I couldn't find them and had to ask the cashier lol

Another time, when I was anticipating spending a night with Sailor Moon, I went to pick some up on the way back from a shindig in late afternoon. I was giving my friend a ride home as well, and only stopped with him because it was directly on the way back, and when I parked in the lot, I told him I'd be right back after picking something up quickly, but he insisted on coming in as well since it was a pretty hot day, so I had a chuckle (he's an awkward and shy fellow) and went in with him. He wasn't paying attention to what I grabbed off the shelf and came up with me to the counter and only noticed when I tossed the box on the counter. The (rather cute) lady cashier gave us a raised eyebrow and a little sly smirk and my friend started stammering and blushing furiously and rushed off.

I still tease him about that one

When you try your dick curves back in a perfect arc. It just can't go in.
Same with ejaculate, it just flies in the opposite direction when it gets within a 1 foot radius of a vagina.

Condoms break the spell. All teen pregnancies are the result of bear rape.

Tuxedo Mask usually goes alone to the store to buy condoms. I know far too many people around here that would shit bricks and tell my parents if they saw us together at that time...

He says it's pretty awkward though. I can imagine. But they're usually pretty discreet and scan/bag them as fast as they can.



One time we bought condoms, nutella and a pizza. I think this was like the only time I stood in line with him. The cashier gave us a strange look. I'm not sure what she thought we were about to do.

True story.