AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I merely posited that water is a terrible lubricant. It gets absorbed into the skin, as any bath shows.

if i get my period tomorrow i'm going to be so fucking rustled

unrelated but what's left of my jaw joint is sticking out at a funny angle. it hurts like a bitch when i talk or eat or lean on it.

>.< that sounds like it would be quite rough...

wrinklydick

HOW TO SEX: A GUIDE

FIRST. Foreplay! Lots of it! Ask her what she wants/likes! Cunnilingus is really good at getting a girl ready. And it's just a nice thing to do.

SECOND. Use a condom. Use a condom. USE A CONDOM. If it breaks halfway through, pull out and get a new one. If you don't have a new one, stop having sex. Pregnancy is bad unless you are super prepared for it. I am guessing you do not want babies.

THIRD. Go slow. Assuming this is virginal sex, it is going to hurt her. Missionary position actually isn't that great for sex; it's pretty easy for it to, uhh, slip out. Cowgirl (girl lowering herself onto it) is a better idea. It is probably going to slip out a lot anyway. Go slow, let her choose the pace.

FOURTH. If you're going to do anal, for the love of god, use lube. You can't just shove it in; it hurts both people. Porn is not a good indicator of how sex works.

FIFTH. It is okay if sex does not go perfectly. It rarely, rarely does. If don't laugh at least once during sex, you're not having very good sex.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU NOW KNOW HOW TO SEX. USE THIS KNOWLEDGE WISELY.

All hail Bacon on his knowlage of sex.



I second this forever.

and ever


and ever

I think we can cut the conversation short here, thank you, minors browse this forum

We do not need to get into any of the details

Still a virgin. I like it that way. That's all.

thats just what a virgin would say

loljkilu

I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

Agreed. There need to be more posts that make your stomach quench.
Like this fridge I had to bring up from downstairs two days ago. If you open it, the most stomach quenching smell comes out. Like something ate rotten apples, eggs, and old crusty socks, died, gotten grounded up, turned into incense of the most worst smelling kind, and then broken into the fridge.

ditto

For grossness:
Our suite mates did not take out the trash in the can located next to the toilet during their week. Tampons up to the brim! Guess I'll do it.