AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Someone finds out and spreads the word, and everyone will avoid you because they will be scared that you will read their mind, therefore being left all alone.

I wish I had more common sense than I do now. (I kinda lack in that department...)

You are the only one in the world with common sense.
Everyone dies, except you. Because you are smart enough to avoid their idiotic blunders.

I wish the world was like the Scott Pilgrim world

It is.

You are one of the cronies that Scott Pilgrim decides to obliterate for free cheddar.

I wish I could watch creepy videos without getting creeped out.

Granted, but over time you realize now nothing can thrill you anymore. So in an effort to go on the greatest adventure you commit suicide after a long spiral of more and more extreme stunts.

I wish I could dance

You become the world's best dancer, eclipsing everyone else who ever lived or will live. People hire you out so much, you become a millionare. You suffocate to death slowly and painfully in your cheddar pile.

I wish this thread was better.

It is so much better. It is the best thing since Sliced bread X every other "best thing Evers."
Now everyone spends all their time here and never do anything, leading to global halting. Everyon dies of starvation and other situational ways.

I wish I had a super healing powers.

Granted, you are capable of granting immortality to cockroaches
no one notices a difference and your talent goes unrecognized.

I wish I could get free shipping on these sunglasses.

Granted, but you only get Free shipping if you live in Djibouti.

Granted. All your wishes vanish retroactively.

I wish that I intuitively knew how to word wishes such that they can not be corrupted.

granted, but you get eaten by a shark

i wish i was princess brothel so i could be the prettiest girl in all the lands

Granted, one by one you eliminate the Awkward Zombies in a Highlander style deathmatch until it is just you and princess brothel. With a shout "There Can Only Be One!" your blade goes snicker snack through princess brothel's neck and you gain her/his powers and form. Unfortunately with everyone dead you've got nothing to do but interview random newbs who wander into the forum.

I wish Firefly got another season.

Directed by Shyamalan. Kills off Wash so he can place himself in as a main character.

I wish I had a neverending stock of sweet, refreshing, always carbonated Mountain Dew: Livewire.

The endless stock is contained in one can. Once you open it, the Mountain Dew bursts out and floods the earth.


I wish I had a monkey.

Granted; the monkey establishes dominance in your household and kicks you out, claiming your family as its own.

I wish my sweet iShades weren't peeling.

Kapow! Now your skin is peeling...ew.
Eventually you lose so much skin that your body is extremely easy to damage and cut. kinda like hemophilia in the long term. also disgusting.


I wish that that I was as good at singing as Freddy Mercury.