AWKWARD ZOMBIE

It takes a while to figure out the pecking order of things here.

You guys just have these puns cooped up waiting for the opportunity to use them, don't you?

Carrion with the puns.
So far, they're been horrWrendous.
...I rEgret that...
ScOwl at me if you want. I don't care.
It's vultureally impossible for me to feel bad about anything.
...I'm kidding about the puns being bad. So far, they've been pheasant.
You all have real talont for puns.

Ignoring the last few pages and hoping you'll see this,

A tip, that you may or may not find useful. If people don't invite you, invite them. Organise stuff. Throw a party. If people won't come, send personal invites to people, and tell them you've invited their friends as well. If any of their friends are already coming, mention that. This may seem like a dirty little trick, but it will help you get to know people better, and eventually you won't need to do it anymore and people will start inviting you. From your posts I gather that you know how to behave at social interactions, so that shouldn't be a problem for you.

Furthermore, instead of wasting time trying to make friends here, do so in real life. This can be a fun place and all, but it's no substitute for real life.

i can bearly stand these puns

I learned that an internet friend of mine tried to off himself a week or so ago.
It's not the first time he tried to do so, so I wondered what pushed him this time.

Turns out that he was supposed to go to a weekend-long SSB tourney in Dijon that he was really looking forward to, but the two fucking assholes that are supposed to be is parents decided to hide his train tickets because they were in a bad mood, while perfectly knowing that anything could push him over the edge.

I feel so powerless. His parents treat him like dirt since he was a kid, beating him up. His whole family is a nest of violent drunkards, and he already saw his father try to kill two of his aunts while drunk. He has low self-esteem, terrible grades, almost no friends, and to the few people on the Internet he opened to, he refuses to tell who he is, so we cannot help him by calling the cops.

He's either gonna die or spend the rest of his life being miserable and I can't do anything about it.

I didn't need that additional frustration after a long day of emotional rollercoaster.

Christ, that must be horrifying... having a suicidal friend and barely being able to help.

This comic nearly killed Calvin and Hobbes (well, mostly Hobbes obviously) for me. I still get sad when reading it, even though I know it's fanmade.

Le Great Handsome Oppressor, I can't even imagine what that must feel like. I hope your friend somehow manages to find joy in his life again.

OH GOD I REMEMBER THAT COMIC

I saw it when I was younger and REALLY into calvin and hobbes.

I thought it was cannon and was nearly in tears of its sadness and that it was probably the end of C&H

This is the saddest thing.
Or cutest thing, either or
Read them like a comic
(Yes it's TTGL and yes it's spoilery)

If you don't get what's going on think about it for a moment.

Thought about it for a moment and still don't understand what I was supposed to feel from that.

They're dead

Oh fuck it whatever I was tired when I saw it

Oh...

...

...

Nope, still nothing.