AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted, you become the lamest person around.

I wish I could understand women. (srsly, wtf)

Granted, but now they won't stop talking to you. And they only want to be friends.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted. The thread ends before you can wish it though, due to Merlin wanted to be funny.

I wish I could control minds.

Granted, but you end up controlling your own mind.

I wish I could think faster.

Granted, but you do everything else slower.

I wish for a volcano named Tom.

Granted, but Tom eats you. Don't ask why.

I wish I could servive doomsday.

Or spell servive.

Granted, in the proceess however, you lose your mout, thus depriving you of the ability to scream.
I wish for a vocaloid named Tom.

Granted, but I don't know what vocaloid means, so it isn't really granted at all.

I wish Tom the volcano knew some tricks.

Granted, he knows "Cover your master in lava."

I wish for skills in tennis.

Granted, but now you can do nothing but play tennis.

I wish my drawing tablet was better.

Granted, your house is robbed a day later. Buh-bye, tablet.

I wish I could shoot poop bullets.

Granted, but I need one, so I stole it.

EDIT: Oh... that's awkward...

I wish for fire.

Granted. Your belly button now sustains an everlasting flame. Unfortunately, the rest of your body isn't fireproof like your belly button.


I wish my dog would shut up when I play piano.

Granted, it is now dead. And the piano is out of tune and can not be tuned again, none of them.

I wish it did not itch.

Granted. That itch is now a searing pain.

I wish for waffles made of solid gold.