AWKWARD ZOMBIE

BUT IT'S SO FUCKING FUN.

Oh, I mean

now no one judges you, not even the universal order, and your soul never gets recycled so it ends up in the closet in the afterlife in "Beetlejuice."


I wish I were a cloud for a day.

Granted: You are now a fully fledged cloud. You hover the skies and peeing on people at your whim, rumbling laughter and spitting lightning at the rainforest and whatnot. However, during the end of the day you decide to float a little lower to the earth and become a nice fog. Or it would be nice if people weren't walking through you, driving their cars through your innards and overall doing things humans normally do, but inside you. Your 24 hours then run up with all the trauma and molestation intact.

I wish my Mac was fixed.

Granted. You have a fully functional Mac.

I wish I had chocolate milk.

Granted: You now have a nice tall glass of udder piss and beans.

I wish people would use their blinkers before they turn.

Wish granted. You now live in Oldpeopleville.


I wish I had some limeade. That shit be delicious.

Granted. It's right over there, in between that mother bear and all of her young, vulnerable cubs.

I wish my final English assignment was easier.

Very well, however your teacher decides to reduce how much it affects your GPA and instead makes that one exam you did poorly on worth a lot.

I wish there were some cool stores in my town.

Granted. All the stores get new air conditioners and are now cooler.
I wish for a fish

Granted, you now are in a pool with a shark.

I wish paradoxes wouldn't exist.

granted- everything is now defined by paradox free boolean machine logic- including our brains. nice one, bro. also you step in dog doo the next day.

i wish to not have this wish granted.

Since paradoxes do not exist and your wish was clearly trying to induce a paradox, your whole existence is deleted from history forever.

Some chicken would be nice now.

Flat as a pancake.

I wish I had the willpower to do something with my life.

granted, but you crick your a little neck in preperation to do something with your life and become a quadroplegic. all that willpower goes to waste.

i wish i'd think of wishes instead of just ways to bust other people's wishes.

granted, but all the the wishes had to do with boners.

I wish i had a 3DS

granted. unfortunately there are no games. also it breaks.

i wish i didn't have a boner.