AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You will be paid.




I mean, not really. But your talents will be appreciated.

I could make curry for you then send it over the mail

APPLE OATMEAL.

GUESS WHAT, GUYS. RIKU IS ON VACATION FROM BOTH SCHOOL AND WORK. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
THAT'S RIGHT, AUNTIE RIKU IS GOING TO TEACH YOU HOW TO EAT THINGS BESIDES COLD PIZZA AND STALE CORNFLAKES FOR BREAKFAST.
Apologies for the lack of cookings of deliciousness over the last three months are over there--->

Okay, first you start off with a clean k--

Oh dear God.



Auntie Riku is going to save you the gruesome details of her stepmother's kitchen and just clean the small area she'll need to work.

This'll have to do.
Riku's stepmother really needs to learn how to kitchen.


Okay. Moving along.
INGREDIENTS:
1 CUP of oatmeal (old-fashioned rolled is best, but if you have quick oats, Riku will talk about this)
1 CUP of water
1 CUP of low-fat milk (if you have whole milk, just do 1-1/2 water, 1/2 milk)
1 apple
1 TBS brown sugar
Dash of salt
Cinnamon for sprinkling




INSTRUCTIONS:

Your apple will start off looking like this, knife not included. Auntie Riku has a special tree in her backyard that grows knife apples.


They're quite convenient. Especially when your apple will end up looking like this.


You need to core the apple, but you don't need to peel it. If you want to, you can, though.


PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

THIS KID. THIS KID RIGHT HERE.
THIS CHILD IS LIKE THE MINECRAFT CREEPER OF THE KITCHEN.
HE WILL FUCK YOUR CULLINARY SHIT UP.
IF YOU DON'WANT YOUR COOKING TO EXPLODE, ESCORT HIM OUT OF THE KITCHEN IMMEDIATELY.
BESIDES, HE IS PERPETUALLY STICKY AND HAS AN UNPLEASANT ATTITUDE.

Now you just throw everything except the cinnamon in a pot, and let it boil, stirring occasionally.
However, if you have to use quick oats like Auntie Riku does this time, leave the oats out too. You'll add them later.



Once you have it all boiled and stuffs, turn the heat down to low and cover it. If you are using quick oats, now is when you add them. Let it simmer for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.


Once it looks like this, you are done.


Split it up into three bowls, sprinkle some cinnamon on (however much you like), and serve.
It looks like less than what it is, because these bowls are rather large.


Look at this. Auntie Riku's sister who sleeps like the dead even woke up just to have some.

Ahahaha oh mai That looks delicious.

Also your brother? is adorable.

Yeah, you should see him when he's not posing for a camera.
That's when the magic happens.

TIME FOR THE COMFORT FOOD OF ALL COMFORT FOODS
Macaroni and cheese.
Except better.


Riku is going to spare you the horror of her stepmother's kitchen, as it's even worse than before.



OKAY TIME FOR INGREDIENTS
2 cups of elbow macaroni.
1/2 cup of milk (whole is best)
About 3 cups of Colby/cheddar cheese
About 3 TBS of cream cheese (optional)
Black ground pepper
Salt
Pinch of flour
Olive oil (about 1/3 cup)
1 TBS of pesto herbs
(Or you can use ready-made pesto mix, in which case use 3 TBS of that, and 2 TBS of olive oil)



INSTRUCTION TIME

Alrighty here, First, what you do is mix the oil and herbs (unless you are using ready-made, in which case skip this here step)


Now take a 4 quart saucepan (I don't know what the European measurement of cookware is, sorry)fill it about half with water, and set it to boil. Once it's boiling, put the noodles in. You'll be doing the cheese sauce while this is on the backburner. It is not even worthy of a picture.


Now, take a larger pot and put about 2 tbs of the oil in it, set it on high to heat up. Once it is hot, add a pinch of flour and stir it together to make a roux.


Stir the roux for a minute or so, and then add the milk. Stir it around, and if you're using cream cheese, now is the time to add it. You have to keep stirring from here on out. Also, turn the heat down to medium


It appears as though Auntie Riku's picture of just adding the yellow cheese has been deleted. Sadness. Anyway, once you've got your optional cream cheese melting, gradually add the rest of the cheese, consistently stirring. Don't worry if it looks all stringy when it first starts melting. As the milk gets integrated into it, and it melts more, it'll turn creamy.

Once you've got your cheese all melted and stuff, add as much pepper as you please. Riku likes a fair amount, but that's just her. RIKU IS ALWAYS RIGHT.


Now add the pesto stuff. Stir it in and take it off the heat.


If you have not drained your pasta yet, do so now. Shake it around a bit and drain it as thoroughly as possible. But don't rinse it.


Mix the pasta into the cheese sauce


Put it into about four bowls like this, and have at it.

Do what you like as you feel all cozy. Riku likes to write up how-tos and upload pictures of food.

(Also, admire her lovely computer. If you don't wanna chuck it, duck it)

RIKUUUUUU

Can I use this picture as a reaction image? It's priceless~ <3

Go for it. I am flattered that you find my unflattering photographs worthy of reaction images.

Yay~

Also your mac n' cheese looks delicious.

I might make some later.

Uuugh, I hate pesto with a passion! >.<

The dish itself looks quite delicious though.

Still, I don't see one single sandvich...

I didn't make you one then, Trygve.
I won't make you one now.

Oh man this thread makes me want to cook so many delicous foods. I need to talk with my dad sometime and get all of his awesome recipies like his nachos and his mini pizzas and his steak tip biscuits.

Cooked a legit margherita pizza with made from scratch dough and fresh mozzarella.

Oh my gosh, that sounds so good right now.
I am jealous, Xabyrn.