AND HERE WE GO WITH MAJORA'S MASK
BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MUCH SPARE TIME ANYWAY
It's Creepy Mask Salesman!
Behold, the pop flyin' city of Termina.
This bustling metropolitan area has a population of I don't know and a gross domestic earning of who gives a fuck.
Really I'm just here because I got sick of being in Hyrule.
It's hard to deal with that place when you've been 6 feet tall, and suddenly you get cut down to 3.
Being short kind of sucks.
No actually it really sucks.
It sucks almost as much as not having pants.
OH WAIT I DON'T HAVE THOSE EITHER
You don't want to know how hard it was to get up there.
These stubby legs are hard to use.
And look what being short gets me.
That little snot is the same height as me. I should be punting him across the street.
And this town isn't without it's problems either.
This guy here causes a lot of trouble, but he isn't the biggest problem
The giant rapemoon is a slightly bigger problem.
SO BEGINS OUR STORY
Like all stories, it begins with a name
That name is LONK
In summary, Lonk was a total badass, he killed all the evil and laid all the women.
And now he's a three-foot midget with no cool stuff.
By friend they mean someone who I haven't stabbed in the face yet.
I never did stab Navi in the face. So I'm hunting her down.
It's not the easiest job what with my tiny legs. At least I have Epona to help.
Gotta find my fairy.
Oh, two fairies.
Now where have I seen two fairies before...
OH THAT'S RIGHT
If you honestly thought Lonk could be defeated GET THE HELL OUT NOW
I AM IN FACT SO NOT-DEFEATABLE THAT I JUST WON
Oh hey, his face is on my level now!
That much easier to stab!
Zelda unleashes some fucking miracles and traps Ganose
The Master Sword is eager to do some face stabbin'
I SHALL OBLIGE
But first I'm going to chop that nose off!
Nose removed!
FACE STABBED!
Suffering from a severe case of noseless and stabbed face, Ganon freaks out
Zelda unleashes even more glowing light and stuff begins to happen.
Rauru begins a crazy sage incantation of Evil-sealing power.
The sages transform into sparkly things
And then we get a Cyclone.
You what?
Specify, people.
Okay I think you are missing something here
THERE WE GO
Credit where credit is due.
And the seal is easily breakable.
The gods have the worst security ever.
You may have a hard time with that.
I plan on having close to seventeen descendants in the near future.
And away he goes, into the Evil Realm.
And then we were in the sky
Yes, I just saw it happen.
I was the one who did it.
You are worse than Navi.
Good thing I was there to fix it!
I could always time travel back and knock some sense into you, you know.
We can time travel whenever.
Yes, exactly what we should have done several dungeons ago.
That's fine. Time Travel gave me a headache anyway.
WHAT
NO
I LIKE BEING TALL
Of course she won't let me out of this cloud place until I do it anyway.
God daisies it, I LIKED having pants.
I suppose I can always grow up again.
But it'll be the boring way with all the teen angst.
I'd rather my lost time stayed lost, but APPARENTLY I HAVE NO SAY IN THE MATTER
I don't give a daisies how I'm supposed to be, I like the way I am!
Screw you, Zelda.
And then everything goes black
Oh man there is a dance party
I'M MISSING THIS
I AM MISSING THE PARTY
CURSE YOU ZELDA
And Malon is here
I never got to hit that
They even got the big guy out here
I can't believe I am missing a party of this magnitude
Oh god it can't be
WHEN DID THAT DOUCHE GET UNSPLATTED
ARGH THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER
And then we go to the mountain for some reason.
The sparklies are there.
All the sages are there.
They look surprisingly pop flyin' considering they all just lost a friend to the timestream forever.
And speaking of time stream...
Stubby legs
Stubby, non-muscular arms
On the bright side, Navi flies away
Oh wait, I haven't stabbed her yet. I guess I'll hunt her down later.
I have business to attend to.
AND ALSO BY MR. MANDER
Meanwhile...
Hello Zelda
You owe me three feet and a pair of pants.
FOR REAL THIS TIME
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
