AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Spirit Tracks was really good, especially after Phantom Hourglass. I don't think it measures up to LttP, MM, OoT, and WW though.

We begin with investigation.



Oh, it's been a while since I've seen one of these.



I summon the fairy. Hopefully I'll get a neat new power.



Voila, the Benevolent Bosoms arrive.



I receive Nayru's Love, which acts as a magical shield.



Not my usual strategy, but it can be useful for the more dangerous attacks.



anyway, it's time to go to the Temple of Time and meet this mysterious person.

And by mysterious person I mean Sheik.



It still kind of bugs me how ruined this place is.



Well, there's the temple. Let's go inside and see what Sheik has to say.



That's either Ganosedorf or Sheik. It sounds slightly threatening.



I turn around and-



It's Sheik's butt.



Still loving the sound of that.



We could stand here all day and talk about my exploits.



Yes, and I would be going to do that right now if I wasn't talking to you



We are about a few hundred yards from the King of Evil this is not storytime



I am taken to the land of lasers and rain.



I'm not seeking it, you know.

Why are you telling me this.



A reflection of the heart. This sounds like the opening to a terrible romance novel.



Well it's a good thing I never touched it. The Sacred Realm would have become a superviolent arena of Valhallan conflict.

On second thought I am touching the hell out of that Triforce.



The Triforce comes in three pieces.

WHAT A TWIST



Sounds promising. I think I have Wisdom, Power, and Courage. I could go for being emperor of Hyrule.

It's a shame one of the criteria isn't self-restraint.



You can break the Triforce.

Now that is just stupid.



Ergo, if an evil person is strong enough to get to it, they will still retain a third of it's holy power.

Best defense mechanism ever, gods.



And then they still have a chance of getting the whole thing.

Seriously, gods. I thought at least one of you was wise.



Why of all places they would go to the back of the hand, I don't know.



Ganon broke the Triforce. Moron.



But as per the Gods INCREDIBLY well thought out security system dictates, he still gets to keep a piece of it.



And, in a shocking turn of events, he fucked Hyrule's shit with it.

Way to go, Gods.

Of course, there is an upside to this.



Namely that I get one of the other pieces.

AWW YEAH



And as it turns out Sheik has the other one.

First I am going to ask her for hers, then I am going to stab Ganosedorf in the face and take his. Then I'll be god. Simple.



EXCEPT SHEIK IS ACTUALLY ZELDA

And on the next episode of Dekus of Our Lives, Dark Lonk impersonates me and shatters Malon's faith in our relationship.



No no, it made for an excellent season finale.

You can tell this is the finale because of the lens flare.



Flash backs?

Shit, I actually am in a Soap Opera.



Black and white flashbacks, no less.

I better learn spanish.



Don't worry, let it out.

Caer en los brazos fuertes, mi amor, y yo te la consola



El amor como el nuestro nunca se espera, mi flor del desierto.



He estado fuera durante tanto tiempo, pero ahora que he vuelto yo te querré siete años vale la pena



Have fun using Google Translate on those last few lines.



I could insert a Soap-Opera line here but I'm kind of sick of writing like that.



You're tempting me here, Zelda.

I feel the need to be Spanish again.



Okay this is better. Back to business.



Alright yes, I like this speech.

Although I'm missing the part of this plan where I stab Ganondorf in the face.



Oh shit here we go again

Yo te proteja siempre, mi hermosa estrella



Weapons, right.

Because I am masculine and enjoy weapons.



Arrows. Neat.



Oh no, I feel a bit of Mi amor, ella se ilumina con la luz de una estrella



Light arrows. Neat.

I don't really know what the point of these is. Light is kind of everywhere.



It's time to rumble.

No bodaciously, the place is shaking.



I told you standing around here was stupid. While you were making me soap opera Ganose was bearing down on us.



Mi amor!



Ganondorf immediately starts insulting her.

Why she would trap her and NOT ME, I do not get.



Oh right, because she's a weakling and I am a walking death machine.

Sometimes I forget about that.



You didn't just underestimate me. You've hardly estimated me at all.

I AM GOING TO STAB YOU IN THE FACE



I kind of earned it, you know. It's not like the Triforce just chose me randomly.

It came to me because I earned it.



Oh boy, Wisdom

That's gonna do you a lot of good when my sword is bearing down on your face.

Maybe you'll have the privilege of knowing exactly what part of your brain I am bisecting.



It is hard to rule the world with a sword through your face.

Just saying.



I was going to do that anyway. Mostly to stab you but the rescue thing works too.



And then she was gone, and Ganosedorf shut up.



Well, time to raid the heart of the enemy with no support, no backup, and no place to run if I fail.



TIME TO ROCK

WOOHOO, GO LONK.
CHOP OFF THAT GIANT NOSE



Oh god. When I got to that bit in OoT on the Virtual Console, I really had to use the bathroom and OOPS GIANT CUTSCENE THING.

"Fall into the strong arms, my love, and I will console (you?).

Love like ours can never be expected, my desert flower.

I've been away for so long, but now I'm back I (shall?) love you seven years worth.

I (will?) always protect you, my beautiful star.."

Maybe it's because I've been reading Homestuck lately, but...

Best bridge incoming.

Man that part was intense when i was little

sig'd

I make that face when playing games.
Usually it's for "WHAT THE HELL HOW DID THAT HIT ME GRAAAARRGJHKJLHKJLAGFAJSGklKJAHGKJAH" moments.

Sorry, am having a hard time restraining myself.

Man at legs?

DEFINITELY the Man-at-Legs.

I'll stop now.

Best bridge coming up soon.