AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Although the right way is often the most annoying way.

I didn't know there was any way other than arrows.

Also holy shit dem glitches

So wait, how did you end up hurting him? Just blindly stab near his eye when you were bounced in front of him? I'll just stick with arrows, especially because Bongo Bongo oozes them from his hands.

I return to the Temple of Time, as arbitrarily dictated by game programming.

It seems the magic bar glitch with Bongo Bongo has permanently extended my Magic meter.

Now I don't have to do the quest for that!



I can save a little time in my quest to save Hyrule, which for some reason seems a lot more urgent now!



I haul booty on Epona. I am feeling very heroic all of a sudden.



I head into the Valley of the Gerudo's.

There should actually be something for me here.



IT WILL NEVER STOP BEING COOL



I could do without the Lens Flare, though.



Ah, a fortress of all female soldiers.

I'll just sweep them away with my majestic manliness.



My entrance would be slightly more majestic if Epona could go up stairs.



I take the long way around.

It may be indirect, but it'll look much better.



Hello, ladies, your god has-



OOF



They caught me off guard once.

NEVER AGAIN.



So they want me to be quiet?

Oh, it'll be quiet.



ONCE EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THIS FORTRESS HAS FELT MY WRATH.

(Not killed, of course. Lonk does have some standards, you know.)



PRISON BREAK!



I search for additional prisoners to free. It's not a proper prison break without a good riot.

I find one.



Hey, it's one of the lazy carpenters from Kakariko.

Idiot managed to get himself captured.



There is also a guard.

She shall be the first to be punished for her associate's insolence.



Hah, a puny spin attack? What's that going to do?



...Knock me out and put me in prison, apparently.

Perhaps these Gerudo's are more formidable than I thought.



I continue my way about the Fortress.



Violence is resumed.



Since this Gerudo seems to have me outmatched in style, I go for what's always been my strong suit.



Pure, unrestrained violence.



1/4 carpenters freed.



I think I am supposed to be stealthy here.



Lonk doesn't do stealthy.



Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.



The women are frozen by the sheer magnitude of my manliness.

This is far more common than it sounds.



Another prison cell.



Another one of these stylish thieves trying to kill me.



I lay down an impenetrable wall of pure sword.



It works well.



"Kid?"

You know what, you've been in prison for a while, I'll go easy on you.

I'll give you TEN seconds to run before I kill you.



Nine.

Eight.

Seven.





A stealth montage occurs.



We interrupt this montage to bring you violence.



The 'Wall of Pain" strategy does not fail me.



Another Gerudo lies defeated.



Boy.

Since you refrained from calling me "Cute", I will give you twenty seconds.

Then you die.



He flees.



Another prisoner is located.



WALL OF SWORD INITIATED



This prisoner comes with a secret.

And he refrains from calling me anything demeaning.

He gets to live.



He heads back to the village.



A Gerudo shows up.

She congratulates me, surprisingly.



My radiant manlitude has impressed her.

But then she insults me by comparing me to Ganosedorf. I have TEN TIMES more manly in my little finger than Ganose has in his nose.

AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING



Nabooru, eh?

I will seek her out and prove I am more of a man than Ganosedorf!



And perhaps convert her to my side. I think it would be appropriate for me to lead Ganosedorf's own army against him.



Spirit Temple.

Sounds like a place I need to go!



I join them, because why not.

Even though this makes me a member of Ganosedorf's army, it's the best place to start a revolution against him.



I now have proof that I am so manly it curves in on itself and becomes womanly.



Time to head off to that Spirit Temple and start a REVOLUTION!

I shot the Gerudos with arrows. They fall over and don't get back up until you leave and come back.
And if they do get back up, then I just never sat around long enough waiting to get caught.

*disturbing mental images*

Mander, I lost.

I just kind of lol'd at you hauling booty on Epona.

Do ho ho ho ho~

Heh, puns.

Spirit Temple. <3

Also, make sure you go through the Gerudo Training Ground, you'll get goodies.

[spoiler]Ice Arrows. Pew pew *FREEZE* o3o[/spoiler]

Fixed. I mean really, they suck so hard.

I've never done the Gerudo Training Grounds. Apparently there is a time limit, and any sort of time limit makes me incomprehensibly nervous.

Gerudo Valley and Spirit Temple were my favorite part of the game, looking forward to the next update.

DO NOT FAIL ME, MANDER.

Mander fails nobody!
Except the people who expect him to fail!

Yeah, figure that one out.