Vampires (before we go off topic)

iconsting · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:36 pm

please don't kill me.

Miss Starseed · **Posted:** Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:48 am

Wasn't it said he wasn't actually a vampire?

Edit: Because I love ripping on Twilight.
[spoiler]In the end, Edward and Bella get married, and for some reason decide to have sex before Edward turns Bella into a vampire. Since Edward has SUPER SPERM, Bella immediately gets pregnant with a horrible freak-mutant baby, which decides to to get the fuck out of Bella's centipede-infested womb by eating its way out. Oh, and by breaking her spine, hips, and a number of her ribs. Edward performs a C-section WITH HIS FANGS and pulls the baby out of Bella. Then he turns her. And everything's okay, somehow.

Also, the baby is a werewolf. Because human + vampire = werewolf. And the guy Bella was having a love triangle with falls in love with the newborn baby.

Also, the baby is going to age super fast for some reason, so Bella, being the genius mother that she is, says the guy can marry her child is 7 weeks, or something. Because by then the child will be old enough. And it totally won't be pedophilia.[/spoiler]

Tl;dr, his eyes are GOOOOLLLDDDDD!!

Doomwaffle · **Joined:** Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:05 pm **Posts:** 93

I deem vampires UNSCARY ever since Twilites.

Fi-chan · **Posted:** Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:11 pm

Vampires never really scared me in the first place to be honest, but then I can say that about most kinda monsters. Unless it's psychological, then I'm freaked.

Yeah though, Interview with the Vampire. Good book, good movie. Did they make the Queen of the Dead or whatever it was into a movie too?

Also. Anime vampires apparently.

Don_HH2K · **Joined:** Mon Jul 02, 2007 4:17 pm **Posts:** 182

In post-Soviet Russia, vampires can only be seen in mirrors, and can substitute blood for vodka.

(Seriously.)

zeedeveeel · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:38 am

Miss StarSeed wrote:

Wasn't it said he wasn't actually a vampire?

Edit: Because I love ripping on Twilight.
[spoiler]In the end, Edward and Bella get married, and for some reason decide to have sex before Edward turns Bella into a vampire. Since Edward has SUPER SPERM, Bella immediately gets pregnant with a horrible freak-mutant baby, which decides to to get the fuck out of Bella's centipede-infested womb by eating its way out. Oh, and by breaking her spine, hips, and a number of her ribs. Edward performs a C-section WITH HIS FANGS and pulls the baby out of Bella. Then he turns her. And everything's okay, somehow.

Also, the baby is a werewolf. Because human + vampire = werewolf. And the guy Bella was having a love triangle with falls in love with the newborn baby.

Also, the baby is going to age super fast for some reason, so Bella, being the genius mother that she is, says the guy can marry her child is 7 weeks, or something. Because by then the child will be old enough. And it totally won't be pedophilia.[/spoiler]

Tl;dr, his eyes are GOOOOLLLDDDDD!!

That whole part of the book makes me want to find Stephanie Meyer and beat her to death with her own shitty books.

Fireheart storm · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:50 am

[quote="zeedeveeel
That whole part of the book makes me want to find Stephanie Meyer and beat her to death with her own shitty books.[/quote]
No no, bad writers happen all the time, wo you want it the daisies editor that let this shit get published.

Also Salem's Lot by Stephen King

zeedeveeel · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:51 am

Fireheart storm wrote:

zeedeveeel wrote:

That whole part of the book makes me want to find Stephanie Meyer and beat her to death with her own shitty books.

No no, bad writers happen all the time, wo you want it the daisies editor that let this shit get published.

Also Salem's Lot by Stephen King

True, true.
Then I shall beat both of them!

Bear Police · **Joined:** Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:59 pm **Posts:** 2274

You're all banned.

Miss Starseed · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 1:34 pm

Fi-chan wrote:

Did they make the Queen of the Dead or whatever it was into a movie too?

Yes. And anyone who liked the book really, really hated it. (I haven't read the book(s), so I don't know what they fucked up.)

Bear Police wrote:

You're all banned.

OH FUC

Game Angel · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 1:49 pm

Fi-chan wrote:

Vampires never really scared me in the first place to be honest, but then I can say that about most kinda monsters. Unless it's psychological, then I'm freaked.

Yeah though, Interview with the Vampire. Good book, good movie. Did they make the Queen of the Dead or whatever it was into a movie too?

Also. Anime vampires apparently.

Yaaay! Vampire Knight!

Also, Twilight sucks. I don't think that was iterated enough in this hallowed thread.

zeedeveeel · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 2:57 pm

Game Angel wrote:

Also, Twilight sucks. I don't think that was iterated enough in this hallowed thread.

No! We must bash some more!

Bear Police wrote:

You're all banned.

OH GODS!

DoNotDelete · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:31 pm

...

I was lost when you said Edward (Elric) was a vampire.

But, his eyes, they're...

zeedeveeel · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:36 pm

DoNotDelete wrote:

...

I was lost when you said Edward (Elric) was a vampire.

But, his eyes, they're...

They go that screwed up gold-brown-yellow color when they drink animal blood.
IT MAKES NO SENSE AAHH

Game Angel · **Posted:** Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:57 pm

ITZ BECUZ AMINALS AREN'T TEH SAME AS HOOMINS. LIKE THAT MAKES ANY SENSE EITHER. I DON'T KNOW. ASK MY FRIEND. SHE'S AN ULTRA FAN OF TWILIGHT.

AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Vampires (before we go off topic)

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