AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

I have a hunch the name Quasimodo has been used in a Disney movie.

The other day I saw a wheelchair-bound man losing an argument. He didn't have a leg to stand on.

The armored military vehicle industry is tanking.

One day a sculptor was making a replica of a mountain, but made it too large. He could bodaciously climb on it. Eventually he scaled down the model.

I last saw my mate Ishmael buying a lottery ticket on wednesday night. He rang me on thursday saying he had six million reasons not to come to work.

[spoiler]It was holocaust remembrance day.[/spoiler]

first punchline i've ever seen that actually provides a 'punch'

You know vhat's funnier than capturing and forcing a pokemon into your pokeball?

[spoiler]Pushing a dead baby into the pokeball.[/spoiler]

OH BOY IT'S TIME FOR GEOLOGY JOKES

You know how if you look Medusa in the eyes you get turned to stone? Well apparently a supermodel recently made the mistake of doing just that. The statue that was left behind had quite a bit of cleavage.

The layer underneath Earth's crust took on the mantle of having the majority of its volume.

A continental volcano was about to erupt, but the magma fell sick.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

A backward poet writes inverse.

I saw a poor looking dwarf walk into a convenience store the other day. He tried to buy some booze but came up a little short.

Music played by robots is pretty metal

A new technology was recently invented that gives life to lollipops. Sentience, reproductive capability, the the whole package. The only two problems they seem to have is the fact that they tend to be pretty gullible and they reproduce at an extraordinary rate. It just goes to show, a sucker is born every minute.

I was in a hobby shop the other day and after I left I noticed my wallet was missing. I think the guy behind the register took it. He looked pretty crafty.

HAH.

Why did I lose so much

Because geology is inherently hilarious

Did you hear about the dwarf that got pickpocketed?
I didn't think anybody could stoop so low

This Tory government is much like a rainbow.

It looks good from a distance, but on close inspection it has no real substance, you can see right through it and it's only there because of the sun.

So Miku, Len, Rin, Yuugi and Reimu walk into a bar? I can't see a joke here but something epic is about to happen.

Uhh... almost kind of? It was supposed to be Mika, Miku, Miki, Mike, and a miko. Which one of those is a camp singer? And when you say Yuugi, do you mean Yuugi Hoshiguma? I don't really remember her being a boxer.

lolweeaboos