AWKWARD ZOMBIE

GET A DOG AND PLAY DUCK HUNT IN REAL LIFE

>Shoot snarf with portalcakethingy

ARISE FROM THE BUSHES AND LAUGH AT KALE

become a pimp and write shitty rap

Go ice skating with Shiva

> U U D D L R L R B A START

>Moep

>ride success of Groin Crumbler all the way to the top. Revel in success, looking down on all those heads you stepped on to get where you are.

Realize there is a gaping hole in your life that cheddar, success, exotic women and fancy facial hair cannot fill.

Fall into deep depression, threatening the very solidity of the corporation.

>Realize more cheddar and facial hair and women could fill the hole if you used cotton candy as the adhesive.

A SOUNDTRACK PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND. PASSERSBY DISAPPEAR. ITS JUT YOU AND F. RUNNING DOWN THE STREET. PUNCHING MEAT IN A FREEZER DESPITE F'S LACK OF ARMS. THE MUSIC GETS MORE INTENSE, THE SINGING STARTS. PEOPLE ARE FRIGHTENED. THEY DON'T KNOW WHY THERE'S SINGING OUT OF NOWHERE. YOU BOTH DRINK RAW EGGS OUT OF A GLASS. IT TASTES HORRIBLE AND YOU END UP THROWING IT ALL UP. IT WORKS IN THE MOVIES,YOU THOUGH. F FINALLY BEATS YOU TO THE TOP OF THE STAIRCASE, WHICH IS A BIG THING CAUSE HE CAN HARDLY WALK UP STAIRS NORMALLY. IT'S GO TIME, LARRY.



YOU HOLD UP A FLAG AND SUDDENLY, EVERY GUIDO, FRAT BOY, SORORITY CHICK, DJ, AND DOUCHEBAG INVITES YOU TO A PARTY. YOU DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY, YOU DRINK SO MUCH, YOU LEAVE WITH SOME NEW ODD OBJECT WITH YOU. EVERYTHING'S SPINNING AND YOU HAVE TO HOLD ONTO THE GROUND TO KEEP YOURSELF FROM FALLING UP. YOU PASS OUT IN A GUTTER. YOU WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY AT SOME GIRLS HOUSE, YOU'RE WEARING A PANK ROBE AND A FEZ. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.



YOU AND YOUR DOG GO OUT AND HUNT SOME DUCKS. HE LEAPS IN AND SCARES THEM, YOU MISS ALL THE TIME. THE CRUEL IRONY OF YOU SHOOTING YOUR OWN KIND THROWS OFF YOUR CONCENTRATION. THE DOG KEEPS LAUGHING. YOU TRY SO HARD TO CONCENTRATE ON SHOOTING. HIS LAUGHTER IS LIKE A LARGE DOG YANKING ON A LEASH TIED TO A POLE SLOWLY BECOMING LOOSE. YOU CAN'T STAND IT MUCH LONGER. SO YOU SKIP THE MIDDLE MAN AND SHOOT THE DOG. YEAH, TAKE THAT ASSHOLE.



YOU THROW THE TANGIBLE DIRECTIONS TO MAKE A CAKE AT SNARF WHO IS INSANELY LAUGHING OVER A DOGS CORPSE. THIS MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION. THOUGH, THANKFULLY YOU MISS.



YOUR INSANITY PUSHES YOU TO IMITATE THE DOG, LEAPING OUT OF BUSHES TO LAUGH AT HIM. LAUGHING FOREVER. YOU CAN'T STOP. YOU FEEL LIKE THE JOKER.


'
YOU BECOME A HO-LESS PIMP AND TRY TI WRITE RAP SONGS, BUT THEY COME OUT SHITTY. COMBINED WITH THE FACT THAT NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SAYING HALF THE TIME, IT GOES OVER POORLY.

'

YOU AND THE INDIAN-GOD SHIVA DECIDE TO TAKE A RELAXING DAY OFF TO GO ICE-SKATING. YOU FALL MANY TIMES, AND ARE ALMOST ATTACKED BY A POLAR BEAR. YOU QUESTION WHY ANYONE WOULD LIVE NEAR A POND LIKE THIS.



YOU GOT: MEGA BUSTER



NOUP



YOU CLIMBON BOARD THAT GRAVY TRAIN AND ROLL LIKE THUNDER DOWN THE RAILWAY OF SUCCESS. DESPITE YOUR cheddar, WEALTH, AND SWEET MUSTACHE, YOU FEEL EMPTY. NO WARM BUTTERED BAGEL CAN FILL IT. YOU FEEL ALONE, TORTURED, YOU FALL INTO A DRINKING HABIT. YOU COME TO COMPANY MEETINGS WEARING NOTHING BUT UNDERWEAR AND CROON THE WHOLE TIME, USUALLY ITS A SONG YOU MADE UP ABOUT INAPPROPRIATELY TOUCHING THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY. WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG.




YOU REALIZE THE SOLUTION TO XABYRNS EMPTINESS AND GO TO HELP HIM. HE'S IN AN ALCOHOLIC FIT, LIKE USUAL. YOU CAN GET NEAR HIM EASILY. SO YOU LEAP ONTO HIM, PINNING HIM TO THE GROUND. YOU RUB COTTON CANDY ALL OVER HIM DESPITE HIS SLOSHED PROTESTS. OE OF THE CHAMBERMAID COMES IN TO SEE A SHADOWY FIGURED RUBBING COTTON CANDY ALL OVER XABS HALF NAKED BODY. YOU YELL THAT ITS WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO FILL THE EMPTINESS IN XABS BODY. THE HORRIBLE IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID HITS YOU LIKE A BRICK WALL AND IT SENDS YOU FLYING OUT OF THE WINDOW.

MAKE ME A MAGE

I DON'T THINK SO TIM, YOU GOTTA PLAY THE GAME

Read instruction booklet.

>FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON

I wanna be the very best.