AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Mander I think you need to take more screenshots in third-person.

They are hard to take but they look much better than first-person shots.

I should do that but I find third-person hard to control.

Maybe when I do an update that is not entirely about me killing people I will try it out.

IT'S FINAL BATTLE TIME

WITH A SHOCKING TWIST ENDING YOU'LL NEVER SEE COMING



The first thing Ruin does is die.

Er...Re-die. Un-die.

He is not helping me anymore okay.

Time to pull out my hammer and lay waste!



This is not my hammer.

This is my hand. Where did my hammer go?



WHERE DID MY ARMOR GO

This is not good. I must have been stripped naked while I was blindfolded.



I strip Ruin's double-corpse and take his armor.

Now I am armored, at least.



I am still weaponless though. I fisticuff my way out of the room.



Then I run away as fast as possible.

I also flip a switch on my way out that should trap the Shadowscales behind me.



Oh good here is my stuff.



Now it is FOR-REAL Smashtime.



Some of the Shadowscales managed to get through the gate I locked earlier.

This Shadowscale obviously has no concept of Personal space.



In my case Personal space is how far my hammer can reach.



I summon up a Daedroth to deal with those pesky Argonians.

He is also very intrusive.



Most of the ones that got through the trap are down now, including the leader. He'll have the stuff I need.



He has a note explaining how he resurrected Ruin, which I already guessed.

Even posthumously he is still pointing out the obvious.



The second thing he has is a book that will let me out of the base.

That will be handy once I have taken care of the other Assassins.



Just as I suspected, they are all trapped behind the gate.

This should be amusing...



I unload a few dozen frost spells on them.

Unfortunately my most powerful offensive spell does about 16 damage so that is a waste of time.



I grab a bow from one of their dead assassins and start sniping through the bars.

This is actually very amusing.



I should be an Archer one day.



But arrows aren't unlimited.

BACK TO SMASHTIME



Only two of fifteen left to go.



Zero of Fifteen.

Ruin has been avenged to the best of my ability, I believe.

If I could resurrect them and re-deadify the assassins again I would, but I am more focused on resurrecting Ruin right now.



I drop the Recall book and show up in the arena again.

How they got a book to work like that, I don't know.



The Shadowseekers seem to be my best bet for resurrecting Ruin.

It might be harder for me if their base weren't marked by a ten-foot tall exclamation point. (Which signifies a texture error).



Alright, one of these people should be able to get Ruin back for me.



This guy can do it, apparently.

He'll do it for free to boot.



...Because he enjoys watching a hero like me stoop to grave-robbing.

I have to dig up an Argonian corpse for Ruin to be resurrected into.

Ew.



Hey, look, it's a texture error obscuring my quest objective.

An uncorrectable texture error.

Uncorrectable as in there is no way for me to finish this mod.



Well, I guess I should just accept that there are programming errors that can lead to unavoidable problems.

I SHOULD accept that, but:



FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF



FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF



FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

RUIN NOOOOOOO

Why are there so many texture errors, anyway?

Did you install the mod incorrectly or something? Or was it just not bug tested?

NOOOO DDDD:

not going to lie,

i laughed.


BUT THIS MUST BE FIXED.

He told me he doesn't have the shivering isles and a lot of proletariats use stuff from that, So they probably took a grave from the shivering isles graveyard.

SOMEBODY BUY MANDER THE EXPANSION PACKS.

QFT, but not necessary.

I was speaking with the guy who made the mod earlier and apparently I made some strange mistake that Borked it.

I could unbork it but I'd have to start a new game.

So instead I will be playing Tears of the Fiend, which is yet another mod made by this same guy.

Today's adventure begins like so many others.

With me taking a nap.

I don't think I've actually slept without being interrupted for a while.



Looks like that streak continues.

I remember you. You were in the Crypt where I ended the Armor stuff. You gave me a hammer.

I like you.



Well actually I kind of took care of that with the Guards already.

Even if I hadn't you are still pretty late.



Kind of liking you less, buddy.



And he was actually serious about attacking me.

Oh well.



The fight boiled down to me hitting him once and him surrendering.

He is an old man, I guess.



But once he was Young and Heroic and all that jazz.



He talks to me about Ancestry and then leaves.

He also mentioned a book about him that is apparently important to the quest.



And I have to go to Leyawiin to get it.

I hate Leyawiin. The buildings are confusing and weirdly designed.



I buy the book from an orc.

What an orc is doing with books I don't know. I thought they were the "Smash stuff and then smash more stuff" race.



Anyway, the book is about Pellew and how he defeated a fiend.

Apparently Pellew is Half-Angel and he used the power of his ancestry to defeat evil.

And then he got old.



My journal regards finding my Ancestry important, though, so I guess I should do that.



I seek out the Imperial Registrar.

Registrar is a funny word.



And apparently I have no family.

Furius Smashman is alone in the world...

I need a nap.



God damnit man.

This is like the fifth night in a row I have woken up to this kind of crap.



He asks me about my Orphan status and tells me a story.

A story about a man who didn't know who his family was until he got naked and someone noticed a birthmark on his back.



Which means it is time for me to get naked in the presence of an old man.

an old man who watches me sleep.



The search is successful at least. I have some sort of Runic symbol on the heel of my right foot.

This paper is supposed to show me what it looks like. It does not.



It just dawned on me that I'm using a mysterious artifact to trace my long-lost heritage. Along the way I employ the help of a mysterious old man who guides me with sage wisdom.

It's too bad the Oscars are over. I'd have more Academy Awards than I could carry.



But for now tracing my family roots will suffice.

I show the good Professor the rune from my foot.



It is a rune of the Marcomannic dialect. I am not pop flyin' about this.

Marcomanni is also known as the King of all Necromancer's. I am wearing a Necromancer symbol on my foot.



Ehothorn, eh? There are worst last names, I guess.

Although I doubt I can fit "Freddy Furius Ehothorn-Smashman" in a thread title.



Back to the Registrar.

He looks for the name Ehothorn in his book.



And he finds them!

They live in Cheydinhal, and they're nobles!



Oh joy, now I can meet my family.

I'm sure they will be pop flyin' to know that I have saved Cyrodiil multiple times.



Buuut the door is locked.



It's technically my house, so trespassing is not a problem, right?



It's a list of names.

Apparently the Ehothron family has some serious bad luck, and there is usually only one Female left alive at a time.

Won't they be glad to see their son alive?



Jounral hints that there may be more than one Ehothorn alive right now.

I kind of hope neither of them are my mother. I do not want a mom demanding that I always carry extra suits of armor "Just in case".



TO THE BAR!



Hmm, the Crypt?

I suppose that, once again, it is my family crypt too so it is not intruding to go there.

The bartender also mentions that the Ehothorn family almost always look alike. I'm sure that is unimportant.



The crypt is a wooden door.

That's it. It is just a wooden door on the ground. There is no crypt, no bodies, no Ehothorn tomb.

But I am notified that I hear a door opening and closing nearby...



And there's my possible sister!

Except she is an Imperial and I am a Redguard. Something is amiss.



I have no idea what you are talking about. I am quite clearly not dead at the moment, nor have I ever been dead.

She comes to her senses rather quickly, though. Apparently I am nigh-identical to a very old friend of hers.



Why yes, Allecia, I have come to realize something.

Using my incredible detective skills, I Furius Smashman, have deduced that





Allecia has achieved some sort of immortality. To prevent people from noticing, she marries occasionally, uses copious amounts of Illusions, and pretends to be her own daughter every couple decades.

I tell her about the Ehothorn symbol on my foot.



But, sadly, I am not related to her in any way.

Although she is interested in finding out why I so closely resemble her friend and why I have a Marcommanic symbol for her name on my foot.



She offers to help me find my family.

I accept and-



What the hell is going on here.

The light changed and I am on the upper floor now and everything is shaking. What.



The shaking will not stop.

I am leaving this loony bin.



Oh there you are- No, I have no idea what you are talking about again.



Seriously, what the hell do you mean?



The lighting is back to normal now.

That was weird.



Anyway, We're off to her old friends mansion, which was burned down.



Well this doesn't look so bad.

There's even some completely intact cheese in that cabinet.



She is all teary-eyed about her friend, though.



She starts reminiscing and oh god here we go again.



I am back in the house.

I suspect that this is actually the house that is now burned down.



Suspicions confirmed.

I really hope the house does not burn down while I am still hallucinating inside it.



You are not helping Allecia. I am already awake.



Astute observation, Sherlock. I was, in fact, dreaming.

Leave the detective work to me from now on.



See, I'm actually good at it. I find a book on the ground, which is unreadable.



And a tablet, also unreadable.

Allecia is like, a thousand years old, she should be able to read this ancient language stuff.



Now she cannot.

Although Smashman I was apparently working on it.

(Smashman I is what I am calling my ancient look-alike until I find out his real name.)



There are archaeologists who are working on it as well.

I must find them!



That is not an Archaeologist.



That is a lot of not Archaeologists.



They are just Wolves, though. I can one-hit those at my level.



I find a pack of Archaeologists that is not trying to eat my flesh, fortunately.



Although with his attitude he's ending up as smashed as the Wolves were.



Fortunately for his survival, he recognizes the language, but cannot translate it.



He does know where I can find a translation, though. There is a digsite somewhere in Cyrodiil where tablets like mine come from.



But Cyrodiil is a big place, and finding it without his help would be nigh-impossible. I have to hand over my slab to get the instructions.

I will probably end up killing him later as part of the quest so I will get it back.



There it is.

I have map markers nearby, luckily, so it's just a matter of Quick Travel.



Beyond this door lies the path to my destiny. And most likely things trying to kill me.

I'm going in.

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY



timber wolves are not good archeologists i hope you told them this

IS EVERYONE EXCITED FOR DESTINY?



Too bad because I am going to the Market District first.



This Mod-Maker has a tendency to make his dungeon's really dark, so I am not going in without a decent Light spell.



Now is everyone ready for destiny?



It turns out Allecia has a torch so the spell was kind of redundant.

Well, it's not like I don't have cheddar to burn anyway.



OH GREAT

ZOMBIES

My favorite thing.



This cave has a surprising amount of support.



And a surprisingly large number of...roofs.



MULTIPLE ZOMBIES

MY EVEN MORE FAVORITE THING



MULTIPLE FLAMING ZOMBIES



MULTIPLE FLAMING ZOMBIES IN THE DARK



Allecia sees fit to interrupt my combat with conversation.

At least I am not fighting zombies.



And I find out that she isn't entirely human.



I am fairly certain that walls do not belong underground.



Nor do spires.

What the hell is going on in this cavern.



Now Allecia decides that she is tired, and I am forced to go it alone.



Looks like that Light spell will come in handy after all.



Okay, that's a window.

I am fairly certain that those do not belong underground. Something is definitely wrong with this cavern.



And I mean something besides the copious amounts of undead.



Very copious.



I come to a rock wall.

I cannot do anything meaningful with it just yet though.



Oh great, I finally get to sleep.



Here's betting I either have a freaky dream or I'm woken up by someone trying to kill me.



And it's option number 1!



This is a big castle. Even bigger than mine.

It may be mine, actually. I'm still not clear on how me and Smashman I are related.



You can't exactly tell with this blurry stuff, but that guy is causing people to drop dead just by walking past them.

Even I cannot do that.



He doesn't seem pop flyin' about the "Death-by-Proximity" thing though.



I have no idea what I am saying.

But it is the only option.



That is not a very Smashman thing to say.



And now I am awake with no explanation of why I was ordering around a walking Death machine.



But hey I get to go mining.

I'm sure 3-5 hours of grueling physical labor will make me forget I might be responsible for the slaughter of hundreds.



Nope still remembering it.



Hey, a sword.

I would be more excited if this was a hammer. Allecia might be interested, though.



But first I am going to sit on this chair.



I'm wearing a full-face helmet, Allecia.

These people should really think Dialogue through.



She recommends an enchanter I should look into.



But first, I must make a hopeless attempt to sleep soundly.



Maybe tonight I will learn that Smashman I kicked puppies and stole their ice cream.



I have no control over what I say or do, so I just nod and play along.



I am expected to follow her.



It is really hard to do thanks to this blurriness.



Yes it is a very nice view.

Now tell me something Plot-relevant so I can wake up.



That's wonderful, except I already know that.



Allecia is trying to talk to me again.

I tell her I was dreaming about her. You can imagine how that goes over.



I try very hard to convince her that I was not picturing her naked.

I fail.



Meh, whatever floats her boat.

No, that was not a double entendre.



I do a little more mining and get to a second chamber in the tunnels.



This one has books.



And also a big scary door.



I head back to tell Allecia about the door, and I get greeted by the not wolves.



This guy is a dick, as always, and yells at me for digging around the mines.

Considering I have cleared the tunnels of Undead and done all the mining single-handedly, he should be a bit more grateful.



His companion is a bit more grateful, though.



Cleon is the name of the Death Machine I gave orders to earlier.

I should learn about him.



He was very smart.



And also fond of total genocide.



And fire.

I am really glad I can only meet this guy in Flashbacks, or else I would be royally screwed.



Now that story time is over, I should check out the enchanter Allecia mentioned earlier.



I kind of doubt that he is a reputable enchanter considering he doesn't have his own store.



And of course he is a selfish dick.



400 gold later, I am given the directions to a shack.

I hate the Bruma area.



The inhabitant of the shack is old and ugly and and even bigger dick than the Archaelogist.



He even throws me out of his house!



But all I have to do is wait for a while and he leaves, giving me free reign of his home.

What a moron.



Jackpot!

Journal's always have the best information.



The journal is all about him killing a "Foe" with Edward Pellew's help.

The problem is, the foe they are talking about killing is Smashman I.



I should tell Allecia immediately!

It is raining too. I do no know if this is random or if it is scripted.



And mister Dickaelogist locked the tunnels down with Allecia inside.



Of course, I can just bribe the key out of him.

I really hate having to do evil things for the sake of the mod.



She's been examining the room while I was gone. There's nothing here but the big scary door, to be honest.



The door has a combination lock on it, which I figure out through trial and error.



Hmm.

This is a bit of a frightening room.

I wonder what secrets it hides and OH GOD HERE WE GO.



I WASN'T EVEN ASLEEP THAT TIME



Oh what the heck.



Are we breaking into an orphanage?

That is not a very just thing to do...



Oh jesus I am being attacked.

This is not a good orphanage.



Wait a minute, these are orphanage guards.

I am killing people who guard orphans.

Why am I killing people who guard orphans. I am supposed to be the good guy here.



Now if you could just explain what it is that we are doing, that would be great.



Nope. I wake up before I get any explanations.

I should investigate this orphanage next.

Reading this LP makes me tired. Poor Smashman can't get any sleep.

Anyway I had best head to that orphanage as it seems important.

I just noticed the very large crowd of intimidating men in this room.

I hope I never have to fight them.



That is a fairly short walk.

I should really explore some more so I can have some map markers.



This is one destroyed orphanage.



It looks like it was killed with fire.

Just like Smashman I's mansion.

SUSPICIOUS



There is a person here named the Caretaker.

Why he is hanging around a burnt orphanage int he middle of the night I do not know.



Apparently this was the worst orphanage ever.

Two people (Smashman I and Allecia) stole an orphan and then it got set on fire.



And there was an incendiary device like the one used at Smashman I's manor.



Allecia also points this out. But there is a problem.

I never told her about the Incendiary device.



LE TWIST



Allecia has been lying to me this whole time.

How completely unexpected.



But apparently if I lie down on the altar everything will be explained.



I do not like the sound of this...



Oh god what is going on.

This is worse than all the other hallucinations put together.



Also I am naked.



Those rocks look very important. If I can drunkenly stumble my way to them I should be able to learn something.



Good god I can't see shit with this blur effect.

It takes me almost half an hour just to navigate through the halls.



And my destination is not particularly pleasant.



I have no idea who this person is and why he is so interested in me.

I bet you think I have to kill the demon. No, readers...



I AM THE DEMONS



Well almost, actually.

The body I am in used to be the Demon's body, but he got kicked out and now I'm in charge.



The problem here is that he wants his body back.



I do not agree to this plan.



OH JESUS HE IS ANGRY AND CHASING ME AND IF HE TOUCHES ME I DIE AND THIS IS NOT FUN

SCREW SCREENSHOTS I AM HAULING NAKED booty



Oh thank god.

I'm glad I got out of that mess.



And then this guy shows up.

If you don't know, Qurrol is the name of a demon Pellew has been hunting all his life.

And apparently Allecia was her which means she was lying even more.



Anyway, Pellew finally confronts me about my Demonic origins.

I try to convince him that I am good, just for the sake of characterization.



But it works.

HE ACTUALLY AGREES TO LET ME GO



There is also this guy, who gives me his bow. Pellew also gives me his sword.



All together I got a sword with some fancy "Call of the Celestials" enchantment, and a bow with some fire enchantment.

That would be nice except I use hammers you idiots.



You two are the worst final bosses ever.



But at least the climax is over and done with and I can get some sleep.



GOD DAMNIT WOMAN



I FEEL THE SAME WAY



Anybody remember those scary muscular guys I mentioned earlier?

Yeah.



I just stand back and let them hack her to pieces with their swords.

She has bugged me so much I am not even going to beat her to death myself.



With Allecia/Qurrol's death, "The Legacy" questline is officially over.



And Freddy Furius Smashman begins again, ready to face evil despite his demonic origins.

And what shall my next quest be?



There is the matter of this "Cleon the Butcher" fellow...

I am intrigued by the Cleon person-quest-thing.

Also, let' hope this thread advances a page sometime so it doesn't have to load like 5 updates of images at once.