AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Bacon walks into a bar. The bartender asks if she wants a drink. She says no. The bartender asks why.

[spoiler]"I'm depressing enough."[/spoiler]

What do you call a group of geography majors?

[spoiler]Geodudes[/spoiler]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.

Bartender says "What's with the steering wheel?"

[spoiler]Pirate says "It drives me nuts."[/spoiler]

A black child is in the kitchen baking a cake with his grandmother and he decides to cover his face in flour.
"Look, grandma! I'm white!" Says the child playfully.
His grandmother takes one look at him and slaps him across the face. "Go tell your mother what you just said."
Taken aback, the child walks into the next room and says, "Look, mom, I'm white."
The mother gasps and slaps him across the face. "Go tell your father what you just said," ordered his mother.
Now reluctant, the child walks into the next room and says, "Dad... look... I'm white?"
His father, with nostrils flaring, slaps him across the face. "What have you learned?" he asks.
The child replies, "I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate niggers."

I laughed until I cried.

A horse walks into a bar...

[spoiler]...the bartender says, "Hey buddy, why the long face?" To which the horse replies, "My son was just diagnosed with multiple sclerosis."[/spoiler]

EDIT: daisies, Merlin beat me to the joke.

Am I really depressing?

No, you're Bacon.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?

[spoiler]Niggers, duh.[/spoiler]

A magician is walking down the street. Then he turns into a grocery store.

No, I was joking. It was a bad joke.

y u do dis banana

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out!

The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.

By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."

Hey, you know, we were all THERE, Doug. You can stop telling the story!

Your avatar fits this post well.