AWKWARD ZOMBIE

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."

After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole fucking thing

Oh man bill I lost

eat your heart out
I felt it was a necessary addition.

One of the worst pick-up lines I heard this weekend (Said by a quite Christian fellow too):
Are you a vegetarian or can I get some meat into you?

Police suspect that a murder killed someone by drugging their water with a drug that caused the person to vomit out their entire dinner, and keep vomiting until they died of dehydration.
The muderer is suspected to be Princess Undine.

A doctor's pick-up line:

Take my number and call me in the morning.

What does the cow say?
Moo.

Why is chair in French (chaise) of feminine gender?

[spoiler]Because you sit on it.[/spoiler]

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

pic related

I lost

At his expression in the last panel.

fukken saved

My notebook got pregnant somehow and now a paper is due in nine months.