AWKWARD ZOMBIE

He used mystery.

He drank his Ovaltine like a freak.

He couldn't help it he was just doing what the decoder ring said.

There you go Zang, your own M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.

No, Mr. Old Man, you ARE the decoder ring.

And then Mr. Old Man was sure to drink his Ovaltine.

okay redo-
Chapter 2

"Okay we need two teas" Flora told Zang as she grabbed a coffee and headed back to the tables.
Breakfast wasn't too rushed , just a few folks here and there.
"Alright " Zang said as he walked into the kitchen where Miss Anna was cooking
"Morning dear" Miss Anna said cheerfully. She was an elderly widowed woman. She ran the villlage orphanage, and also worked here for extra cheddar.
"Morning Miss Anna. We need four two teas"
"Okay dear, I'll get right on it"
Zang walked out of the kitchen. Coran was nearby. "Make sure these don't have alcohol."he said with a snicker
"No promises."
The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. A few people passing through, no fights today, and no major cleanups. all in all, pretty good day.
The night hours came around and people started to show up, It was, of course, a bar in the night hours, Yet Zang and Coran still worked.
"Lovely weather we're having" Coran said, looking out a window into the storm.
"Yea, makes you wanna spend the night working in a bar with a bunch of shady folks huh?" Zang commented sarcasticly.
"Oh yea, you gotta love the atmosphere"Coran remarked, looking around the room. Everyone seemed to be discussing something quietly, and the seemingly dark secrecy dampened the mood further.
There were men at the bar talking, murmuring.... something was going on
"Can I get you guys a drink?"Zang asked , walking to their end of the bar.
"Oi, lad, have us all a pint" One said, "let's be merry why me may"
"What do you mean by that?" Zang said, pouring their ale.
"Surely you've heard, lad- about the appearances lately" the second of the trio said
"Can't say that I have..." he replied, handing them their glasses, "Appearances of what exactly?"
"That's just it- their not just one thing, there's...there's different ones, there is! It's not just the gobs, or the trolls, it's like..... something different about these beasts that keep showin' up- they don't just murder and break thing like a gob would do, these plan why, they steal! who ever heard of a gob stealin? and of all things horses and weapons!" the third replied.
"No monster I've ever heard of had that kinda sense" Coran said, listening now.
"Nor I" replied the third man, "I don't know what's going on around here,... but something darks a brewin'" the man said, taking a sip of his ale. "...something dark indeed."
Zang looked to where the man was staring- out the window

and into the storm.

so...better?

since no comments-
[u][b]Chapter 3[b][u]
"alright thats everything" Coran announced, putting up the last of the mugs. Everyone else had left and the bar was ready for another day.
"Thank goodness...." Zang replied, breathing a sigh of relief "that atmosphere almost killed me."
"I know dude- not even one drunk tonight, these people are no fun."
The two walked out of the Inn and down the street.
"Monsters...please the only monster around here is Mart" Zang said with irritation.
"I saw a monster once." Coran said, an seemed to be thinking.
"Uh....huh..." Zang replied with obvious sarcasm.
"No, seriously dude- it was way back- I was like, six- I remember! You know that stuffed pig I used to play with?"
"Yea....why?"
"Well one night I dropped it out my bedroom window, so I walked downstairs and snuck around to where Dropped it...and there was this.... thing eating it and tearing it up.
"What- what did it look like?" Zang replied, seeming to believe him
"It was weird... I remember it was grey and had fuzzy hair on it's head....pointy ears..."Coran explained thoughtfully
"That sounds like what they call a gob...."Zang said, dumbfounded.
"Must've been a hob then- after i saw it i ran back in the house, locked the door, ran up to my room and locked my window. I didn't sleep that night."
"I wouldn't imagine.."Zang replied.
The two were now standing in front of the orphanage.
"Home sweet home"Coran let out with a sigh "You know... I'm kinda glad I'm an orphan....no responsibilities, no authorities... I'm my own person."
"Yea.... 'sides- making all those adoption interviewers freak out was also fun" Zang replied
Coran snikered "Yea, that too"
The two walked inside and walked to their bedroom hallway
"G'night" Coran said walking in his room
"'Night" Zang replied, walking into his across the hallway.

Still incredibly dialog heavy.
What ever you are righting should not be as dialog heavy as that. Needs some kind of action or movement or really anything other than those small snippets that you put in.

Zang, I'm sorry, but you just suck.

Chapter are more than five lines. Your dialogue is shit, and there's too much. Use fucking punctuation. Spell. Just.

Just stop.

I'm feeling as if now would be a very bad time to post a short story with all these comments going on.

Tales post your story. What is it about?

it's going to be a bloody comic, how much action can there be at the beginning of the story?

Right now I only have an idea - I haven't actually wrote anything yet. I was just going to do a more sort of normal setting rather than fantasy as I think if you do fantasy then it's easy to jump right into the fantasy. But then again, this is the short stories thread, so maybe I should, dunno yet.

I'm usually not this much of a bitch. I'll be nice to you.



And Zang, if it's a fucking comic, why are you writing? Just draw it, jfc.