AWKWARD ZOMBIE

The legendary pokemon Narwhal is rumored to be living on the moon. A call was sent out to all adventurers to find out if it truly exists.

Many adventurers heeded the call. Noffletoff, Fooflyer, and Squigzog were among the first to arrive. Foo and Squigzog were being attacked by Piranha plants when HotBrothel jumped out from inside one and joined the fight. Noffletoff crash-landed soon after and was set on fire.

While this was happening Deiphobus flew to the moon, Zink shot off on a rocket-powered deserted island, and Impmon hook-shot his way there. Deiphobus left a magic carpet behind for anyone to hitch a ride on, but no one has yet to take up his offer. These three's current whereabouts have not been disclosed at this time.

Null heard the call but chose to ignore it (for now), while Lyrasen slept through it.

Meanwhile, on the surface, DnD and Epona were driving to the Mushroom Kingdom when they spotted Odds and Torizo. Epona tried catching Odds with a Pokeball. He wasn't successful. Airigh asked for a ride, but it's not known yet if DnD and Epona heard her.

Back on the moon, Mander revealed he was already there. After seeing Squigzog and HotBrothel being attacked by the plants he used his Eagle Punch to destroy the Pirahnas. Noffletoff, who was still on fire, was healed by Mander's Eagle Punch.

(Shoolis was just arriving at this point to catch the Narwhal, but was hit by the Eagle Punch. Decker also arrived at this point on a rocket-powered bear.)

Noffletoff immediately betrayed his benevolent healer and fired a rocket. HotBrothel, who had been unaware of Mander's presence, realized her nemesis just before he was blown up. Noffletoff went Super Saiyan, thinking Mander was defeated. (He was wrong.)

A new adventurer named Nate appeared on the scene at this time.

Back on Earth, Yanimae questioned the feasibility of getting to the moon. Insert countered with the pig canon.

The entire time, a wizard by the name of Merlin was watching everything unravel with a cat who may or may not be Miranda.

Backtracking a bit, DnD was on his way to the Mushroom Kingdom's Bomb-omb Fields to find a way to get to the moon. On his way there he picked up Trainer Epona, Airigh, and a girl with glasses. Eventually they ran into Torizo and Odds, whom Epona tried to catch with a Pokeball. Torizo and Odds hitched a ride, Epona made amends with Odds, and the group of six is currently on their way.

Back on the moon, KokiKariya made a successful crash landing, Impmon donned some space gear, and Shoolis reached the surface with the help of a magic carpet.

Thinking Mander dead, HotBrothel, her silent partner Squigzog, and Foo left to find the Narwhal but fell into a crater. Yanimae and Insert, who successfully arrived via pig cannon, started bombing the shit out of the moon in hopes of finding the Narwhal. A stray bomb fell into the crater HotBrothel, Squigzog, and Foo occupied, and they were caught in the blast. Squigzog's quick thinking and repair squigs saved the three.

Noffle, having powered up to Super Saiyan, prepared a Kamehameha to shoot at Yanimae and Insert. Mander was preparing to Eagle Punch HotBrothel, but they had moved on. Impmon hook-shot onto his hat to get in on the action. A swarm of Imperial Guards came towards Foo, HotBrothel, and Squigzog, but they were able to clear the area and prepared a "present" of unknown purposes.

At this point Operation Awesome arrived on the moon with his steampunk rocket, and Malum grenade-jumped to the surface.

Back on Earth, the Narwhal called Null and asked for his help. Null decided to go to the moon to help the Narwhal, except it turned out Null had always been on the moon and the Narwhal shot him.

Back on THE ACTUAL EARTH, DnD & Gang were driving to the Bomb-omb Fields when a stray bomb-omb warned them of impending danger at the Fields. They decided to totally ignore it.

No word on the whereabouts of KokiKariya, Shoolis, or Nate.

Still on Earth, DnD & Gang made it to the Bomb-omb Fields, where with the help of a PANK bomb-omb they were able to blast off to the moon. Upon arrival, they encountered a dragon that had followed them from the Bomb-omb Fields. Trainer Epona quickly called his Pokemon to battle and was about to face-off when he heard the sound of a banjo played by none other than Alexandy.

Foo's "present" was revealed to be a tank heading for Yanimae and Insert, but he called it off in favor of placing a giant Tower of Genericness in front of their path. Having temporarily defeated Noffle, Yaminae and Insert turned to face this new obstacle only to be crushed under Zink and his rocket-powered island. Impmon, who had been hook-shooting his way around the moon, landed on the grounded island.

Shoolis had been traveling with Malum when Malum spontaneously combusted, leaving Shoolis on his own in the meantime.

Operation Awesome, after having landed, began his search in a steampunk land vehicle only to have its computer crash on him.

A new player entered the game - BANANALIEN, self-proclaimed destroyer of moons.

Mander, with HotBrothel on the down-low and having failed to accrue allies, decided to go on his own for a while until he heard a banjo playing, a sound he loathes. It was there that he saw Epona's quagsire, which he loves.

Odds, in the meantime, revealed himself to be carrying a mysterious box. Upon his arrival on the moon, Yaminae and Insert's Narwhal Senses began tingling.

Operation Awesome spied Odds and the contents of his box from afar, causing Odds to become enraged. Epona and his quagsire Wendyll, ignoring the banjo strummings of Alexandy, focused on the battle with Shadow Dragon Tatzel.

BANANALIEN busied himself spinning leeks.

Nulls was saved by Deiphobus's magic carpet, which could talk. He set out to have his revenge against the Narwhal.

Squigzog, having lost track of HotBrothel, became a Deff Dread-for-hire.

Shoolis decided that instead of catching the Narwhal, he was going to have a tea party with it, as proper men do. On his way he passed by the grounded island and shortly after found Squigzog, whom he decided to hire. Disliking Foo's Tower of Genericness and it's inability to be a stylish tea party location, he ordered Squigzog to attack it; however, the two soon noticed the battle being fought by Trainer Epona, and they joined the fight against Shadow Dragon Tatzel.

Insert and Yanimae, with their iNarwhal detector, grabbed Impmon and headed off in the direction their detector indicated. Zink stayed in his tropical sniper roost staring off in the distance when he suddenly noticed the blue shape of a quagsire in the distance and set his rifle focus on it.

Noffletoff had been Nofflecoptering across the moon when he also saw the fight raging between Epona and the shadow dragon. With their combined efforts, they were able to turn their opponent to dust. Epona found an ancient map in the dragon's dust - no one has read it yet.

Foo, having decided to ditch the good guys and become a mad scientist overlord, sent out his troops across the moon in search of the Narwhal. He briefly took interest in the battle with the dragon, but quickly switched his sights to Yanimae & Co. and set a sniper after them so he could obtain their Narwhal detector.

HotBrothel, who had been sleeping somewhere, woke up and infiltrated Foo's Tower of Genericness. He entered a lab where he saw a broken life-support chamber and bloody footprints leading out the front door. He then headed up one-hundred flights of stairs and took out the sniper Foo had set on the Mythbusters, donned its gear, and turned his attention to the fight that was (at the time) still going on between Trainer Epona & Friends and Tatzel.

When the dust from the battle cleared, it was revealed that Tatzel had not, in fact, been defeated. HotBrothel, with only one shot left in his sniper rifle, aimed for Tatzel and fired.

By this point Null had inflitrated the Narwhal's base, where it was revealed to be, in fact, a gigantic Death Star. The Narwhal and Null prepared to face off against each other.

The shot HotBrothel had fired hit Moon Halen instead, much to HotBrothel's despair. In retaliation Tatzel and the Shadow Dragon launched to the top of the Tower of Genericness to face the small dog. HotBrothel coughed up a detonator and blew up the base of the Tower, which severed the connection between the Shadow Dragon and Tatzel - the dragon then fell on top of HotBrothel.

Nate finally landed on the moon at this point and was getting yelled at by KokiKariya for his lack of action.

Xabyrn fancied joining the adventure, but once he saw the chaos on its surface he decided to fuck that shit and join Wall-E to help the fatties lose weight.

Bill and Miranda shot off from their secret McDonald's headquarters on the back of Moon Pig.

When Tatzel was revealed to not have been defeated, Trainer Epona summoned his Pokemon so he, DnD, Airigh, that one girl with glasses could sneak quickly and quietly away with Odds and Torizo and continue their search for the Narwhal. Along the way Torizo discovered the Narwhal Odds was hiding but, mistaking it for a beard, attached it to her face. Epona has yet to tell anyone about the ancient map he has. Noffle was silently trailing the group with his Nofflecopter.

Back on Earth, Trygve rode a polar bear across the north pole.

At this time Bill and Miranda made a safe landing on the moon. They immediately noticed HotBrothel stuck in the shadow dragon's black goop and swooped in on the back of the Moon Pig to rescue him. After touching on relatively safe ground, Bill sent the Moon Pig off for help.

Nate wandered around aimlessly until he came upon three shadows in the background, one of which wore three hats.

Squigzog, having nothing to do after the defeat of the shadow dragon, stood around aimlessly when he was jumped by Deiphobus, who fused with Squigzog to become Dread Deiphobus.

Having successfully made their escape, DnD & Co. came upon a large column of smoke. Epona sent Odds to investigate, who found Operation Awesome kicking his broken-down vehicle. Operation Awesome joined them, and they continued on their way to find the Narwhal when suddenly Fusoya, the Master of Beards, looked down upon Torizo, and saw that her beard was good, and ye did he offer to join them to look for the baby Narwhal's mother.

Tatzel rose from the dust of his defeat and saw that his opponent escaped. Turning to the side he saw the Dread Deiphobus, but decided not to bother with this and find Epona's group. Changing his mind, though, he sent out a shadow wolf to have fun with the Dread Deiphobus while he searched for the Trainer and his companions.

Shoolis came upon the Dread Deiphobus just before it was attacked and, furious at Deiphobus's theft, attacked the fused machines.

Null, meanwhile, began to battle the Narwhal and his group of ninja when suddenly Foo's minions appeared. The Narwhal's ninja focused their attention on Foo's search team and began to brawl - Null slipped away in the confusion and headed towards the control room.

At this time a new challenger by the name of Cabinet appeared. Cabinet hook-shot to the moon. Upon arrival he spotted a house and proceeded to make his way there.

Alexandy, having survived the explosion and figuratively dying of thirst, spotted the grounded island and made his way there.

On said island, Zink abandoned his Sniper costume and, in a fit if excitement shot off a mace arrow, which hit BANANALIEN off in the distance.

Tatzel, trailing Epona & Friends, saw Fusoya in the distance and WTF'd all over the place.

IN THE SHADOWS, Xabyrn took control of the Axiom after getting the fatties on the Jenny Craig diet. His intentions are yet to be revealed.

Terra Moon: A Brief History

On Terra Moon, the Great Narwhal watched over the inhabitants, making sure peace and happiness prevailed over the land. But as these stories go, one fateful day a great evil arose. The Narwhal fought valiantly to protect its people and the land. During the struggle between the two great powers, the Narwhal dealt a devastating blow which weakened the evil, allowing it to use its power to imprison the Great Evil on Earth.

But the Narwhal had been gravely injured in the fight. It was dying. The seal the Narwhal had placed upon the Great Evil was, in fact, itself - upon its death the seal would break. Thus did the Narwhal split its essence in half. The new Narwhal took the place of the Great Narwhal upon its death and kept constant vigilance upon its people and the prison of the Dark One. However, because the new Narwhal was only half of its original self, it did not have the immortality of its original self. Thus it, too, split its essence to keep the seal upon the Great Evil in place - and so began the Eternal Cycle.


Tatzel the Damned killed the baby Narwhal. Odds, enraged, brought his anger down on Tatzel. With the Dark One subdued for the moment, Odds picked up the broken Narwhal and cradled it to his chest. Revealing himself to be the Narwhal's Vassal, he performed his final duty and gave his life to resurrect the baby Narwhal.

Torizo was stricken by grief that quickly turned to rage. Babby lent her its power and the two squared off against Tatzel.

Lolita captured Darkly from under Team Dan The Sea Slug's noses. Noffle noticed Lolita making her escape, and followed her to her lair. On his way, he saw several whales being dispatched. Once he arrived at the lair, he entered to see Lolita on her throne and Darby in a cage to the side, although Darby really seemed to be enjoying himself too much to be a prisoner. Once Lolita felt Odds's presence fade, she directed the rest of her whales to the Water Temple. Noffle asked Lolita what she was planning, and she revealed her intentions to kill the small Narwhal before the Eternal Cycle could be completed. While the two were conversing, Darby was able to make his escape into orbit.

Back at Foo's base, the intruders were revealed to be the escaped test subjects. Foo watched from orbit as they tore the Tower apart, annihilating nearly every one of his minions that hadn't already been sent out across the moon or captured by Deiphobus.

While on their way to capture Foo, Bill and Hot Brothel's ship malfunctioned and crashed down on the moon's surface, where they noticed the battle against Tatzel through one of the now-many holes that had been blasted through the moon's surface by this point. They posed dramatically before joining the fray, but were interrupted by a shadow creature stabbing Bill through the chest.

Hot Brothel WTF'd and grieved over Bill's dead body. The shadow creature tauntingly presented Hot Brothel with a choice: revive Bill with its Magical Friend-Reviving Potion (™) or kill Tatzel and abandon Bill. Hot Brothel chose to save Bill, and there were many manly hugs. Bill, revived, channeled the spirit of Darkwing Duck and the two prepared to attack.

Thousands of miles away at the Sun Temple, the high priest gave his body and soul to his god as a vassal - to AM UNICORN.

Inside the moon, Babby gave Tatzel a cryptic riddle about flowers before Torizo gave out a call for battle.

Taking up Torizo's call to battle:

Angie changed into a Heavy Girl and fired her miniguns.
DnD transformed into Delete Man and attacked.
Operation Awesome charged Tatzel in his steampunk mecha.
Trainer Epona called out his strongest Pokemon, Hitmonlee, and launched an attack.
Alexandy sprang at Tatzel with a weapon in hand.
Bill fired a Science Punch.
Zink fired a multitude of weapons into the fray, not sure who to aim for - his weapons were them imbued with the spirit of The Great One, Am Unicorn.
Dirges appeared and tried to join in the fight, but accidentally ended up smashing into a rock and was knocked out.
Mander's hat was shot off, causing him to RAEG, because Mander and His Hat are one - without it, he takes on a new personality. That of Optimus Prime. He shot an Eagle Punch Tatzel's way.

Combining their strengths, they surged at Tatzel and beat her, knocking her unconscious. Babby told the adventurers that they had to bring Tatzel to the Water Temple immediately to ensure the Eternal Cycle was not broken, so OptimusPrime!Mander flung himself to the floor and everyone (except Fusoya and Operation Awesome) hopped on and headed towards the Water Temple.

Insert, Yanimae, and Impmon were making their way across the moon when they ran into Kevin Stanley. He joined their party, and there was much rejoicing until they were caught in the blast of an Eagle Punch which sent them crashing down onto Terra Moon. The Narwhal locator pointed out two Narwhals in different directions - wanting to avoid the fight raging in the distance, the group of four headed the opposite way and ended up outside the Water Temple.

Back at Lolita's lair, Lolita transformed into a flame-wielding vixen as she prepared to go to the Water Temple. She made communications with one of her agents, who was revealed to be Yanimae, telling her to head into the Water Temple.

Across other areas of the moon:

Avion transformed into a spectator to watch the fight of Good Vs. Evil.

Shoolis ran into a revived shadow wolf but teleported away before it could attack. He then went down the hole to Terra Moon where he observed the fight and had tea with Mrs. Livingston.

Kalekemo made his way back to the light side of the moon and drilled a tunnel to Terra Moon, but seeing the battle raging he decided to stand back and watch. However an Eagle Punch aimed his way destroyed the portion of moon he was standing on. Blasted into space and now stuck in orbit, he met a retarded Dialdoof who liked oranges.

BANANALIEN finished his bomb. He summoned his ship from the fifth dimension and entered it, preparing to leave orbit, but suddenly his ship was attacked by the wandering shadow wolf, who was really just lonely. He tried several evasive maneuvers to get out of its reach, but the shadow wolf, heartbroken and angry at BANANALIEN's rejection, smoked his ship which crashed back on the moon. In the wreckage, a bomb was revealed.

Cabinet told Miranda about the (other) bomb, but without her three hats she could do nothing.

Darby, caught in the moon's atmosphere, crashed back onto the surface where the quirky and naked Loluma captured him and enlisted his help in saving her people.

A totally-not-obvious-box-what-are-you-talking-about shuffled across the surface of the moon, when it stopped and was removed to reveal: SHAGGY.

Meyou sent a Gay Beam down to Earth, causing 40% of Hollywood to come out of the closet.

Trygve rode a polar bear across the North Pole.



Finally, at the Water Temple, a mysterious yet familiar presence appeared inside the depths...

Only if I can use MS paint