AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Oh..im late, well, pop flyin' yesterday birthday, and if u can evolve it...do it!

Actually, does anoyne honestly care about the names of these guys?


You bloody well better be! What kinda RPG would have a team of four where they're all roughly equal in power?!


He plans to battle using a book...?


This guy was one of the very few trainers who actually got a sprite change between Diamond/Pearl and Platinum.


IT'S MR. MIME! Man, everyone loves Mr. Mime!


Which is in stark contrast to real mimes. Brrrr...


This Mr. Mime has no physical attacks... but has plenty of defensive buffs!


Toxic is probably the most useful attack I have in my team, actually.


Oh ho ho, silly Mr. Mime! Barriors aren't going to save you from the horribly slow and painful death you're about to go through!


Oh AWESOME!

It's awesome because Mr. Mime can't even get a proper hit in without being recovered! Which means he just wasted his Full Restore again!


These Elite Four guys really aren't all that bright.


GALLADE!
Oh hey, did you notice something about the last three trainers? Their strongest Pokemon were Rhyperior, Magmortar, and Gallade. That's a direct shout-out to Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia, where they were the three main Pokemon of the Sinis Trio (in the same order).
The more you know!


I still laugh at the way that even the most hardened of fighters... is still ridiculously vulnerable to a gust of wind!


Wait, what? Goddamnit Gallade, you're meant to be a Psychic/Fighting type Pokemon! Go back to being largely ineffectural!


GOD DAMNIT! When did Machineria start sucking so much?! He had a flipping type advantage here!


WAR OF THE GALLADES!


Oh right, yeah, the most powerful Pokemon on a gym leader or Elite Four's team is always a Sitrus Berry. It... rarely does anything useful.


CHICKEN! I totally would've won that one!


IT'S A PUPPY! Or KITTEN! Or... fox... thing?


Once again, it has no physical attacks.
Yes, I am using a guide for pretty much all of the Elite Four. So what?


Oh BALLS! Special attacks are NOT meant to be able to do that!


Roosevelt really is a one-trick pon... err... egg... thingy?

What the hell are these Pokemon meant to be?!


Oh right, he has Synchronize.
Basically, if a Pokemon with Synchronize gets hit by a status ailment, it affects the other Pokemon too.
This'd be real bad for Roosevelt if she didn't have Natural Cure!


Espeon... it's made of flipping steel! Trying to ram into it is only going to make you hurt yourself!


It was by sheer luck that Roosevelt got so beaten up she wouldn't be able to use Softboiled properly. I think I owe her one.


Oh. Erm, nevermind. Roosevelt, feel free to fall over and die now, you've served your purpose.


I'd probably make some sort of relationship joke about this, but it probably wouldn't work, since this thread has been taken over by Yaoi fans GODDAMNIT PEOPLE!


Stone Edge? Oh c'mon, stick to a move type already!


Let's not mention Machineria here...


I will never get tired of using this move!


Hey HEY, what the hell?! Goddamnit Gardevoir, you should've evolved a man!


See? That's the way you fight a Gallade!


OH FUCKING HELL! At this point, I'm pretty much convinced that he's not actually trying to beat me, just trying to make my life hell!


I wonder if Epilepsie really ever will get a single kill during the League...


I find something quite ironic about using a status ailment on a Bronzong.


There, I finally got to use Rain Dance!


Which makes it all the more pitiful that Machineria was KOed at the start. Hmph.


Still, AG is good for more than just a support Pokemon!


Yeah, second thoughts? No he's not.

Also, WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE EARTHQUAKE HERE?! Bloody hell, it's meant to be a rather rare TM, not something you pick up off the ground!



Well okay, it is something you just pick up off the ground, but you get what I mean.


Oh wait, it's the fourth opponent already? Man, this battle has been ridiculously drawn out!


Rain is still in effect.


FUCKING! EARTHQUAKE!


Oh, and this is the good form of Earthquake! Try playing in a doubles match, like the entirety of Colosseum or XD, and you will HATE EVERY LAST SECOND OF IT!


Once again: very close call!
But that bloody well better be the last time I face a Bronzong!

...I mean, aside from that I still have to go back up Mt. Coronet a third time to catch those Legendaries!


This is his last Pokemon! And it only has Special attacks again! This'll be a sinch!


...or, at least, it would be except that special attacks still REALLY REALLY HURT when they're super-effective!


...

Yes, I do get how utterly ridiculous it is to be killing an Alakazam slowly with Toxic, but the only other Pokemon I have is Machineria, and he's at 3hp!


Aaaand it looks like I'm gonna have to send out Machineria anyway!
Remember, Natural Cure only takes effect once switched out. For some reason.


It's for the best! Roosevelt probably isn't going to survive another hit.


Or Machineria, for that matter. He's been sort of useless lately.


....oh, right, I forgot he had Focus Blast!


Why is it that despite only having three weaknesses, Magnezone always seems to come up against a Pokemon that can use one of them?


Looks like, once again, it's all back to Roosevelt!


Oh... wow! Talk about lucky!


And once again, Roosevelt is the last Pokemon left on my team! Why does that keep happening?!


Yes... my power... totally not that of that washing machine...


Wootinarys are necessary.


...Wootinarys have been withdrawn.


But I already beat my rival before I even came in here!


You really felt the need to point that out? Next you'll be telling me that Fire Pokemon are weak to Water attacks!


So, next update: ULTRA SUPER MEGA FINAL FINAL BATTLE!

And after that? Well, some more battles. Just not as super, or final.

I cared about the original elite four's names.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped caring about it. Ditto with gym leaders. Meh.

Isn't Lucian a chick?

No, he's a dude. Er, I mean a guy.

Although it reminds me of Bugsy, who for ages I thought was a girl!

Okay, just a note?
The final battle versus Cynthia is THE MOST EPIC POKEMON BATTLE I HAVE EVER PLAYED!

In fact, said epic battle alone went on for about 100 screenshots (it was also by far the longest Pokemon battle I ever played; even longer than the Struggle-using Giratina)! So I'll be dividing it, and the end-game credits snip, into two episodes.

(google Cynthia for fun btw)



sounds epic, did you switch out Porygon ?

...
Yes. Yes, I totally decided to quit the league, go back to the PC, switch out Porygon for a completely untrained Pokemon, fight though all the members of the Elite Four again, and then beat Cynthia.




Oh, speaking of Porygon, I decided not to evolve it at all! Questionnaire's over, guys.

Well...
That sounds like something you'd do actually.

YOU FOOL.

Porygon - Z gets a massive, massive special attack bonus, like, seriously. It can fucking use a normal attack on a rock, and destroy it.

I love Porygon-Z holy God.

In Diamond I nicknamed all of my competitive team after Bush and his Cabinet members; Porygon-Z was Karl Rove.

IT'S CYNTHIA!


I'm sure that'd be a complete and utter surprise to anyone living under a rock!


How is it that other people keep doing that?!


SUPER ULTRA MEGA FINAL FINAL (not the final) BATTLE!


Well I'll be glad for one thing anyway: this'll be the last time that I ever have to see one of these cruddy-made flash screens!


How much hair spray did that girl use?!


Hm, right, her weakest Pokemon is Level 58.


This might be a little problematic.


And by a little, I mean I AM SCREWED!


Oh yeah, the thing about Cynthia is that, despite having balanced Pokemon types, she's the only one in the league not to have balanced Pokemon attacks. Most of them are special, so Roosevelt gets a huge advantage against her!

Or, that would be the case, except pretty much all of her Pokemon are so powerful they can still make a fine paste out of her anyway.


I do have to question how it's possible to poison a spirit. With a toxic, no less!




I love it when the opponent uses a Full Restore on a Pokemon that clearly isn't able to hold its own against the opponent!


Well it does come out of a rock. Maybe it's the rock that I've been poisoning?




...no, it did not take that quickly to defeat. But somehow I don't think you want to watch me continuously using Softboiled and Dream Eater (just to pass the turns) all the time!


Now seems like the most ridiculous moment to be levelling up at.


Right folks, it's currently 5-a-side, we've both lost our weakest Pokemon, and we're currently pitting our two fighting Pokemon against each other!

This oughta be good!


Did I say 'good'? I meant 'YOU BASTARD! USE YOUR FISTS AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN! ...err, Pokemon.


See, that's the way to do it!


Although I might be a little biased, considering the clear type advantage involved here.


Wait, seriously? It didn't even do half-damage? Man, PsyGuy, you're seriously losing it!


Oh, hey, I guess he actually took me up on that melee fighting offer. For some reason.


Seriously, it doesn't do nearly as much damage as Shadow Ball did.


Wait, HE SHOULD BE DEAD!


OH COME ON! Why does that keep on happening?!

4-vs-5 now.


Stone Edge? Seriously, what the hell is up with this Lucario?!

Ah well. It is better for me if he doesn't use Shadow Ball, after all!


Okay, see, that Lucario took the better part of two Pokemon to take down. Now I'm really in trouble!


Another level? Cynthia's Pokemon must be chock-full of delicious exp!


Oh.

Oh fuck.

OH FUCK NO!




Okay, explanation: Garchomp? Largely considered to be the most powerful non-legendary Pokemon in the game! so much so that he's actually banned from most traditional tournaments!

And she's nine levels ahead of Machineria! He's meant to be my powerhouse Pokemon! She's about 16-18 levels higher than the rest of my team!



And it's quite disturbing to be calling that behemoth of a monster a 'she'.


Oh... well that's a nice relief. It's not so fun, y'know, to get utterly pulverised in the first turn.


ENOUGH-CLEAN-WATER-TO-HYDRATE-AN-ENTIRE-THIRD-WORLD-COUNTRY-IF-I-ACTUALLY-CARED-ABOUT-POOR-PEOPLE TO THE FACE!



Yes, I do get the utter ridiculousness of shooting water at a shark!


And ridiculous it was.

I missed the screenshot of Machineria having his metaphorical face caved in. He survived, but barely.


Oh great. It's a shark that shoots fire!



Okay, I know it's abut to utterly destroy me, but I'm saying it now: Garchomps are AWESOME!


Oh wow, he actually managed to survive that one!


Nope, spoke to soon.

So... what, 3-vs-4 now? And Blissey is the only one that's not near-extinct... which isn't saying much, since it's a Blissey.
...so yeah. Not only is the Garchomp faster than any of my Pokemon, but it can also kill all of them in one hit!


Best plan of attack would be to get a Trick Room out again so that-


...well, that didn't work. Alright Machineria, it's back to you agai-


.....GODDAMNIT!


Yes folks, I have actually used a Max Revive! Machineria's the only one on my team (at least, I think) that can survive for more than one turn. But only at full health.


What, seriously? It has earthquake too?


This Garchomp is made out of fuck!


Told'ya. It did at least 315 damage in one hit, and it wasn't even a Super Effective attack!



Well, at least I'm damaging it. I don't have much Max Revives left, but I think I only need two more Hydro Pumps to down it!

Gardevoir is just there so I can max revive Machineria.


Machineria is really going straight to the "Hate my trainer" zone!


Oh FUCK! I only have one of these things left!

Yeah, I am really screwed now!


Oh yeah, I missed the screenshot of Machineria missing the attack.


Why I am still even trying to win at this point, I do not know.


There is one way I can win this actually; Dragon Rush isn't a 100% accuracy move. If I keep using Hyper/Max Potions until it misses twice, and presuming that happens before a critical hit, then woop!


Oh. That was actually a pretty nice coincidence!


FINALLY, one more hit and it's down!
...which makes it such a pity that it's still faster than me.


Still, one more miss and it is DOWN!



...

...

FUCK! SHIT! FAGGOT! WANKER! BOLLOCKS! GAAAAAAAAGH![i]


I MEAN SERIOUSLY, THIS IS JU-
Wait, flamethrower?
Oh AWESOME, I still stand a proper chance now! Y'see, flamethrower is actually notably [i]weaker than Dragon Rush; meaning the only way she'd be using it is if she extended the 10PP that move had!

Oh lordy, it's Giratina all over again!


Still, Flamethrower only kills Machineria in three or four moves! I CAN DO SOMETHING NOW!


GODDAMNIT! Me and my big mouth.


Ha! I can use items too y'know!



I mean aside from that I already wasted about 10 items so far.


And we're only through half the battle....


I think I want to cry.




Okay, once again, IT IS NEARLY BLOODY DEAD!

One more Hydro Pump ougta do it!


GET-THE-FUCK-DEAD-ALREADY TO THE FACE!


OH! COME! THE! FUCK! ON!

And that was my last Hydro Pump PP too!


Hey...

Y'know what I just realised?


This guy can't actually kill me as long as I keep using Hyper Potions.


And I still have half a trainer to fight through.


I can revive a few of my Pokemon now while I still have a chance!


Oh... WOW! Okay, now I think it can kill me!


Giga Impact?! But... Machineria is immune to normal attacks? Why?


Oh, I get it! She actually ran out of the 15PP for Flamethrower too! And her last two moves, Giga Impact and Earthquake, can't even touch Machineria!


OH KARMA, YOU ARE SO VERY VERY CRAFTY!





Guess what I've been taking advantage of!

Seriously, this is really fucking hilarious here! I've just healed my entire party while in the middle of a fight with a giant Garchomp!


I'm pretty much done here. Unfortunately, because I was constantly knocking their uselessness, I ran out of elixirs. Talk about ironic!


Aaand then it just goes and dies by a puff of wind.



Seriously, that was the most ridiculously hilarious battle with a single Pokemon I have ever seen!

Fighting the Elite Four underleveled is by far the most fun and interesting way to fight them.

Also, I like how, despite supposedly being the best trainer in Shinnoh, Cynthia doesn't think to just switch out that Garchomp once it can't hit you. Bad AI is amusing.

I'm pretty sure it was done on purpose. Basically, to stop them from being too powerful, the Elite Four never switch out Pokemon or use more than one item on a single Pokemon. Otherwise, the mixed-type champion trainer would make utter mincemeat of you because of type advantages!