AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Hey, welcome to Denver, assumingly Colorado!

Avoid Greenwood Village as places to stay. Pricy. Some kid drove a Mercedes G-Wagon to school every day last year.

I feel like I'm the only person from my graduating class that hasn't done anything with their life yet and it makes me feel so god daisies inadequate.

Remember, in your life, you get to see the whole movie, in others' lives, you only see the highlight reel.

Of course you're gonna hear about the major events in people's lives, but you never hear about the boring parts, or the people who haven't hit Arbitrary Life Milestones 1-7 yet. Selection bias.

can i get a rundown of these milestones
I want to see how far behind I am

Thanks, I needed to read that. It doesn't bother me that much most of the time, but when I realize that a lot of the people from my class are now on their third year of college and I just work at a grocery store, it kinda brings me down. I am going tomorrow to take the first part of my CompTIA A+ exam and hopefully get certified next week when I take the second part so at least that's something. I'm just not sure if it will help me get a better job or anything though, so I'm really anxious about that because I really could have used the test cost cheddar on other things.

Hey, that's progress though! I think the certification will definitely help. It never hurts to add on to your skills.

It's not healthy to constantly compare yourself to others, but you can compare yourself to your previous self. Pretty soon you'll the the *~*certified*~* version of yourself and that's pretty darn cool.

Wait, there's milestones? How far ahead?

Thanks. I'm feeling a lot better today and my test is in one hour. I don't compare myself to others most of the time but sometimes I wake up in a bad mood and it snowballs from there the rest of the day.

EDIT: I passed the first part of the exam. The second part seems even easier so I feel confident about it as well. Probably could have taken and passed it today but I wanted to study for both parts separately.

Congrats man!! Good luck on the next part!

I've been isolating myself so much lately that I feel like I'm just rotting. The thought of exposing myself to others is terrifying, because I just feel like I'll get hurt or taken advantage of. At best, I'd get pity friendships.

looking for jobs and there's barely anything outside of the cancerous periapocalyptic hellhole that is Montreal

I feel like I've gotta share this or I'm gonna lose it. My mother decided to put down our German Shepherd today. It was rough. She's been on medicine and special food for years. She's had a difficult life but she was never short of energy. She loved playing, she loved being outside. She was so intelligent. But seeing her so lethargic today...

It's much faster than you think, if you've never seen a dog put to sleep. There was maybe a second or two after the injection, then her head just slowly drifted down and that was it.

All day long I've felt like something was wrong with me. I didn't cry in that room. Everyone else did, even my brother. I've never seen him like that. But I didn't cry. Didn't feel the need to. Like it was just another day. All day I've wondered what it would take but I know now. Sitting here, typing this. Remembering. I am crying. I can't stop. And I think that's better.

She's gone and I have to believe that where she is is better than where she was.

I'll miss you Aura.

Wife hasn't been able to work for close to a month because of her fibro. We're just about out of cheddar and had to go to a food pantry today for handouts. My laptop that my father gave me three years ago suddenly tripped a circuit and fried the motherboard, bricking it. Now I'm stuck using my brother's old laptop until tax refund time. Can't play any games now because of it.

At least I have time to work on my painting backlog. Wife just started working today again, too, so thing will be back on track two weeks from now when we both get paid, but daisies it's been a rough few weeks.

My new position at work is making me miserable again and I've been looking for a way out for months. I'm so desperate I'm seriously considering going back to university.
I talked with someone from the faculty this morning about maybe doing that and then I told that to a coworker (one who knows just how miserable work is making me these days) and my team leader joined the conversation uninvited and said "oooh you're going to take a course?" with a grin and I replied I wasn't decided yet but I had to do something different or else I'd end up jumping off a bridge. She proceeded to tell that to my boss (fine, she might have been concerned, and I knew everything you tell her ends up in the boss' office by the end of the day). Cue my boss taking me apart for a meeting with herself and my manager. My boss was humane as usual but my manager (which I interacted with for the first time since he's replacing my previous manager) was not really. I get that they're there to do their job and work for the company's interest but it was not handled very well. My manager told me to stop being so unprofessional (i.e. suck your suicidal thoughts up you weenie) and that he needed to be sure I was always 100% focussed on my tasks. Then my boss said that, according to my team leader, I had botched something and that she had to redo it all. They never said what it is and I frankly have no idea. Then they told me to go home and not come back until Monday.

These are the people who sent me and tens of other employees an email yesterday to tell us we must take next Monday off even though it's not a holiday. Not even a week in advance, so I didn't have time to prepare anything for a three-day weekend as it's too late to make appointments (and they didn't seem to understand that you can't get appointments within a day all willy-nilly but I suppose you can when you're that rich). And then they immediately rescheduled an important yearly meeting that I had scheduled with them this Friday for several weeks and pushed it back to Monday. The day they are requiring me to take off. But then it turns out even though we received an email from them telling us textually that we must take Monday off, some of us don't have to, it depends, but they won't specify who.

I feel like I've been irredeemably labelled as someone who's difficult to work with and I don't trust my superiors anymore as they keep miscommunicating or just hiding important information and it's making me anxious and sad.

Time to find another job. Anyone who tells you to "suck up your suicidal thoughts, you weenie" needs to either be fired, or taught a lesson in what being human is. Never give into pressure from a jerkwad like that. I remember people like that when I worked previous jobs, and no matter how much they were paying me, it was never enough to deal with them. I still remember when I was working dishes at a high class restaurant, and one of the waitresses would always make my life a living hell. I remember when my boss left, she wandered up to me, and whispered into my ear "Now you dont have anyone to protect you anymore."

The result? I was poorer, but waaaay happier. (I was in fact so intimdiate dby this person and what she would do to me, that I actually didnt veen come in my last day of work, that show bad it was.) I feel shame for how I acted that day, but you know, theres a limit to the balance between making dosh and keeping your health.