AWKWARD ZOMBIE

That means you don't let nothin' get in the way of your naptime

sleep is very important

facts

but ive been trying for days and it doesn't work


i miss my security blanket/my dog too much. last night i strangled two stuffed animals in an embrace like how i used to hug my dog when i fell asleep while i was living in KY
except they're toys
they don't provide warmth or comfort
my dog would always just sit there while i made a huge mess out of his ear fluff until i felt better and then he'd be all cheerful and wag his tail and we'd go for a walk until his fluff dried

the synthetic fluff versions are cold

i miss my dog

everything that can go wrong at work today has gone wrong. bodaciously everything

i even got injured by my fucking lunch

and the worst part is that my manager told me I had to work overtime today so i'm stuck here in hell for an extra two hours and this is already the worst work day ive had in recent memory

i want to go home

Can't talk to friends without criticizing every little thing I said and boy does it ruin the evening for me

I have low self-esteem and I always assume that people don't want me in their life so I have trouble making friends and maintaining relationships.
The people who are my friends I suppose (it's debatable whether I have any) always take a while to reply (when they reply at all) so it reinforces the idea that I'm unwanted and that I'm forcing the relationship so I feel bad and think about everything I do wrong and how they're right to distance themselves and I conclude that it would be better for everyone if I waited another six months before trying again or just gave up and never tried again. And then they reply candidly a month after the facts and they promise to hang out but it's too late but they were candid and friendly so I conclude that it was just my self-esteem making me doubt but nothing comes of it and the cycle continues.

I'm pretty sure I'm making a huge mistake

Everyone cool is leaving work, my friends can't hang out, and there's no one i can shoot the shit with irl.

I FEEL LIKE SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

Same, but for all the wrong reasons that have been caused by me.

I will go into a coma to make up for lost sleep, and be the first to discover that eventually humans will have to make up lost sleep.

Permabanned from PMDCommunityProjects...
);

Can I just go through one outgoing day without me hating myself for what I said / did that day

The only days where I don't hate myself is the one where I don't interact with anyone else.

Fucken same m8.

I hate being so fragile.

Haven't eaten much in these last few days due to anxiety fucking me up big time, haven't had the appetite for much.

Sad that I had to go early from work today, considering it was my last day, due to anxiety and lack of nourishment robbing me of all my energy.

eugh I'm so bored and disenchanted with work that I'm considering picking up university courses to make my life less alienating and aimless

university
me
after what happened the last two times

edit:
Oh nevermind. I had a nightmare about university last night and then today a coworker reminded me that university is actually hell on earth and a complete and utter waste of time and cheddar and energy and does not make one's programming skills improve one iota and also that I'm a piece of shit so it's settled.