AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Taken today and yesterday off work because of anxiety and a day off Wednesday because I had a depressive episode.


I feel bad about not being able to get myself to work like everyone else.

I just woke up almost screaming from a nightmare where my brother betrayed me and left me to be eaten alive by a dog after we both mysteriously gained some sort of bizarre powers.

I feel messed up and off-center.

David Bowie died.

I had just gotten done telling my friends about the space oddity cover done in space too. I feel like I caused it.

Well, there go my hopes for 2016.

One of my high school friends was found dead in a lake with his younger brother yesterday morning after going missing the night before.

While we haven't spoken since high school, they were a part of a big web of friends at school and I'm not even sure what to think. It hasn't fully hit me I guess. I don't even know if his best friend knows yet or not.

There's already been a lot of people talking about it on facebook but we don't know any details.

Feeling sort of melancholy lately.

Not sure exactly why. Just feel sort of unfulfilled.

I wish I weren't entirely self-defeating in every aspect of my life.


Oh well. I'm sure I'll be pop flyin' off of the internet at some point in my life. maybe. Real life people suck. And not in the good way.

I've unofficially adopted my signature as my motto.

Also snowstorm is due to start soon (and not stop for 32 hours), so I can't wait to get bitched out by work for not being physically able to leave my apartment complex.

Cousin passed away. Funeral's tomorrow.

I feel like I don't have anyone I can open up a lot to about emotional things. I have good friends, and they're probably the best friends I've ever had, but they aren't the type I could open up to about all that. Probably make stupid jokes off it.

I feel that thing's I'm sad about are stupid things to feel sad about, which doesn't particularly help.

why couldn't i just hate myself

why do i have to be 100% convinced that everyone around me hates me too

why do i have to see every single reason why one of the people i love more than anything else on the godforsaken planet could care less about me and if i dropped off the face of the world they wouldn't even bat an eye

why isn't my fucking medicine doing it's fucking job

I let my dog stay outside for the past couple of nights since it's been warmer and he hasn't shown any tendency to chase cars. Well, today my sister was walking down the road and he followed her and it was getting dark so a car hit him. Now his back legs are broke and I really can not afford to take him to the vet. I'm going to take him and see if I can work anything out but daisies I'm really not sure what to do.

im stuck in a loop that's probably destroying my relationship with my best friend and i can't get out of it because i need something from them that i can't ask for because that's kind of our point of contention

someone please put me out of my misery

I have to make my résumé (and and introduction letter!) for an internship that doesn't even appear in the company's job offers so it might not even be available anymore and it's making me super nervous and uncomfortable. I don't like having to reflect on my own mediocrity and then be evaluated and rejected and every little thing in the job description seems like too much for me to handle because I have no self esteem. Blah.

Edit: I did it I made a professional-looking whole page of skills and achievements and it's not the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. Now to come up with some positive personality traits andOH WELL