AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Get ye hangover

I;m not hanigng anything ovre anythinh and I am not legalt obligated to comply wiht your requestss.

Oh sweet lord we made it drunk.

Pull medicine out of your pocket conker styled.

Daisy chain surge protectors into one outlet and plug everything into them since you're a space electrician. That way you have lots of free outlets.

Chug the coffee

Status Update:

Still in space.



I will never, ever, ever take a space drink suggestion from you people ever again.

NEVER.



Everything is such a blur for the past four days, but now that I'm clear-headed, I see Zoltos recruited a few new space people. Three of them are wearing red, so I haven’t bothered learning their names (or faces (or species)). Though, we have a blue-green-skinned human-looking person with a flat nose space. I thought that kind of thing was just Hollywood being lazy with costume design, but apparently it’s a thing. Her name’s… I think it’s spelt… Noizidania? I don’t know, I can’t read the name tag. No idea what her role is.
Also, the engine room is full of green ribbons, paint (I think) and a lot of weird yellow, cotton-like stuff. It smells kind'a like some kind of incense in there, on top of the weird fuel smell it usually has.

My hands are covered in unexplained burns. I don’t know where they came from, and everyone is being really tight-beaked about it. It hurts to try to move my fingers. I blame you, Liraxus.

Mak has apparently recovered from the lasers. He keeps shoving me whenever we pass each other, though. Won’t tell me why.


And someone shoved a whole ton of stuff space animals in my room, and the artificial gravity isn’t working in it, anymore.

WHAT DID I DO?!

Oh, and Steve (who picked up a British accent) keeps boasting about making “a most glorious kill”. That’s pretty much the only thing they’ll tell me that happened. They said we were boarded and, amidst my foggy-minded state, I tripped and shot an invader in the face.

Oops.

Also, apparently, they are really disappointed they didn’t get that farmer. Found some goofy scribbles in one of the ship terminals (why don’t they connect to WiFi remotely?!) and it seems they just found the idea of a techless farmer being in space as the most hilarious thing ever. No wonder they tried to kill me.


Anyway, Shazza, want some space dogman bones?

Get ye burn ointment.

I have a confession to make.

I'm not in space.






We crashed into a planet next to a UEWS and are in an atmosphere, instead.

Also, Noisy Danny-Ya died on impact. Red Shirts are all alive.

Time to go learn names.




JUST KEEPING YOU UPDATED.


Who wants me to send back souvenirs?!

Only if they're good souvenirs.

Yeah, if we get a shitty lil rock I'ma hurt someone on DAT ship

Laser rifle plz.

THIS PLANET IS EVIL. I WANT TO GO BACK TO SPACE.



... So, like, I have no idea what this place is named, and refuse to believe it's actually called "The Galaxy's Runny Nose".

Everything outside is on fire. Like, there's tons of fire everywhere. Fire, fire, and more fire.
WHY IS THERE SO MUCH FIRE?!

And there's a bunch of strange creatures out there. Mostly on fire.

Noyci Dahnea has been given a pire funeral. There's a lot of fire.

There's a lot of dying in space, apparently.
And fire.

Lost the food we happened to get that wasn't bugs.
The kitchen got filled with fire.

Steve keeps singing "the Ring of Fire." And is on fire. And doesn't burn away, apparently. I don't understand the physics behind that. I thought things were supposed to turn to ash and fall away as its material burned, but this gun refuses to stop singing.


I hate it here.

I'll try and find a good souvenir for each of you that can stand reentry into the Earth's atmosphere.
Maybe I'll launch Steve to wherever it is you are, Todd.




Blah, the space dog people are here.

And they don't burn.


I think I want to go back to Earth.

I have no idea what's going on.

I have just one question: can I have some of whatever you smoked?

Sorry, I was born with this.

So, I've barricaded the door of the room that isn't burning. There's a lot of shooting and the atmosphere of this planet is awful on WiFi signals. I'm stuck between stressed panic and annoyance. I've made three attempts to post this over the past four hours. I hope it goes through this time.

Good news is that it did, and I will gladly take Steve. As long as he is as annoying as the Bane weapon in Borderlands 2.