AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You back off a little bit, so as to get The Doctor to charge at you. He does so, predictably. So much for this guy (well, dino) being a genius. You then toss the SAFE with all your might. It hits hit square in the head. Unfortunately, T-Rexs have very hard heads. He only takes around 36 damage and keeps charging. He slams into you for 82 damage. The SAFE lands near you, so you pick it back up.



You wield your trusty POISONED BROOM JAVELIN and directly attack The Doctor. You get only one hit in for 49 damage before he smacks you away again with his tail for 36.



You do the same thing again, but with your pipe. The same thing happens, but you do 42 and he does 41. You should probably try to be a bit more clever instead of just trying to hit him over and over with no real planning.

INVENTORY:
BLOODIED LINT, BUSINESS CARD, DICTIONARY, INFINITY REVOLVER, MOP, PIPE, POISONED BROOM JAVELIN, SAFE, SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET, VARIOUS SNACKS (6)

EQUIPPED:
HAT, NAMETAG, TRILBY-ESQUE CLOTHES, WORN-OUT PENNY

Check if SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET has a coupon for a tanning salon. Give it to him to establish peace.

Are you saying that applying basic knowledge of force to deal maximum damage with a safe isn't planning?

Fine. Use safe as fulcrum, lay the poisoned broom javelin over it. When he charges at you, step on the broom so the pointy end points up and stabs him.

A 540 damage rocket shot on the legs should have crippled him!
Fix that by shooting him in the eyes when he's screaming in pain from the javelin stab!

Get closer to the edge of the ship and try and trick the Doctor into falling off.

Weep uncontrollably

Mop up your tears

You don't cry. Your a manly man.


Punch a baby in frustration.

Better yet, rape a baby in frustration

Howabout no.

howaboutyes

Alright, enough about baby rape. Let's get back on topic.

Eat some snacks. It'd probably be a good idea to heal right about now.

Find a leg of chicken. Those always heal a lot of HP.

Attempt to eat some TYRANOTHIGHS if you can't find any CHICKEN.

Dig a tunnel.

You check the wallet for a tanning salon coupon.

There isn't one.

NEXT COMMAND.



You attempt to use make sort of a death-lever using the POISONED BROOM JAVELIN and SAFE. Dr. Tyranibocular doesn't fall for it, though. It's probably because it's a pretty daisies obvious trap.

He DOES shoot a laser at you for 51 damage. Oh, that guy and his shenanigans.



What he lacks in defense, The Doctor makes up for with a LOT of HP. Sort of like you, actually.

He's not screaming in pain, but you take a shot at his eyes anyway. You are not quite sure if you hit his eyes, but the bullet hits. It does around 34 damage.



You get closer to the edge and hope The Doctor is idiotic enough to fall off.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!? DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO OUTSMART ME? MAYBE IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY CLEVER, YOU WOULD HAVE A CHANCE, BUT THIS HAVE GOT TO BE SOME OF THE MOST OBVIOUS TRICKS I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF SEEING. IT IS AS IF YOU ARE NOT EVEN ATTEMPTING TO TRICK ME."

Ouch. That guy really knows how to insult.

Also, while you were recovering from the insult, he grabbed you in his jaws and tossed you. You took 132. Which is actually pretty good considering what happens to most things that get trapped in a T-Rex's jaws.



You start getting frustrated and start acting like a little whiny baby. You kneel over and cry for a little bit. After a while, you recover. You decide you may as well be neat and mop of your tears. You're kind of surprised that The Doctor didn't attack you while you were weeping, but he was busy cringing at how pathetic you are.



You quickly scarf down three BAGS OF SNACKS almost instantaneously. Being in a text-based adventure tends to give you advantages like that. You recover 450 hp. Hell yeah.



You look all over the place for a chicken leg, but you are unable to find any. You are able to find a dinosaur leg. It was right on top of you. bodaciously! The stomp causes you to take 94 damage.



You grab on to The Doctor's legs and immediately attempt to take a bite. He starts swinging his legs around attempting to shake you off. He does, but he loses his balance in the process. He takes 52 damage.



You suddenly have an urge to attempt to dig a tunnel through solid metal. You don't have a shovel or anything like that, so you attempt to shoot a hole with your revolver. As you shoot the floor over and over again, you manage to make quite a dent, but are unable to actually make a hole.

INVENTORY:
BLOODIED LINT, BUSINESS CARD, DICTIONARY, INFINITY REVOLVER, MOP, PIPE, POISONED BROOM JAVELIN, SAFE, SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET, VARIOUS SNACKS (3)

EQUIPPED:
HAT, NAMETAG, TRILBY-ESQUE CLOTHES, WORN-OUT PENNY

(Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been busy lately. I blame school. You should too.)