AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Haha, there are three Mexican restaurants in close proximity to my workplace, and I swear the ENTIRE staff of every one of the restaurants comes in every night and buys cases of Modelo.

They're the nicest and most fun customers and make the last two hours of the midshift the most fun hours. They're always laughing and cracking jokes and just seem to be genuinely enjoying life. It's kind of inspiring, actually.

They call me "man", "bro", and "little buddy". They're all 10+ years older than me but I am at least 1 1/2+ feet taller than the tallest of them.

People just call me little buddy because I'm smaller than everybody. (͝¬ з͡¬)

Went to a therapist the first time again after having moved.

Even though we didn't talk raw deal about anything, obviously, I still feel scratched up. Luckily my workday isn't long today, so hopefully I'll be able to keep my shit together.

Also, he said he's really not sure why I'm there, he doesn't think I'm depressed. He gave me a form to fill out at home until the next time, and I also should bring some drawings so he gets a better idea. He does want to see me again, but...
I'm not sure what to think about it.

I guess I'll put this here? Sure.

I have a pretty submissive personality. Like I'll tend to let people have their way, sometimes because I just don't care(like what order a group of friends wants to do fun things or what to have for dinner), sometimes it's because it's not worth it to me to assert myself and risk people getting unhappy/grumpy/angry with me. For example, my manager knows I like having a quesadilla on my break, but one day I was going to go out to lunch after work, so I didn't ask for it, and she had one made anyway. I just accepted it because it's just not worth it to reject it after she went through the trouble and eeeehhhhh. I can assert myself if I need to, but that really only happens when I really want/need someone to stop doing something, but even then I kind of hate it because everyone always takes it as me being bitchy. And I feel helpless sometimes, and some friends and coworkers will pick up on that and try to be understanding and help me out, but it comes across as coddling me. Like they'll be constantly checking on me to see if I'm OK, always smiling, never saying anything slightly negative so they don't hurt my little feelings. It feels kind of condescending, in a way. I don't need to be babied and I can live through negative critique and getting my feelings hurt. It makes me feel worried about when I start a relationship. I don't want that person to view me as someone who always needs to protected and can't defend herself and needs constant emotional support. Everyone needs protection, everyone needs help, everyone needs emotional support sometimes, yes, but I want to be that person when someone else needs it, too. I don't want to be constantly receiving, I want to give, too.

let me clarify: i only get annoyed about being called señorita because i am married

i just wanna be a señora :<

Many years ago, there was a forum member named General who showed me a song once. I still listen to that song every so often and it always makes me think back to the days of the AZ XAT chat.

Ha, the chat! I remember that. Good times with bad art.

All the people I used to play games and hang out with online have moved on to do other things, and it makes me feel lonely and hurt when I want to play with them and they have other priorities.

when we euthanized my mom's cat we told the vet that she didn't have a name because she was feral (mom really just fed her and enjoyed her company in the yard)

she did have a name

we just panicked and didn't know what to say because her name is nezumi and it's hard to spell and hard to say

she was so scared and she didn't even get a fucking name on her freezer tag and i pick up dead animals and give them names so someone will remember them and i couldn't even give a cat that was loved and cared for a fucking name when she died

If it makes you feel better, its not like the cat cared about what you called her. All she knew was that someone cared about her in life, and thats just about all you can do for your pets, since we have no way of meaningful communication for them.

I watch MLP:FIM.

Don't judge me.

I sometimes find myself browsing the forum, opening another tab, going to another site for a while, and opening a third tab to go on the forums.

I'm here kind of a lot.

eyyyyy welcome to the multi-tab club!


AZ -> new tab for Facebook -> new tab for AZ -> new tab for Youtube -> new tab for AZ -> ...

and then when I start to close out the unused tabs I have open I'm like "wtf how did I open AZ eighteen times??"

>Post something on AZ
>YouTube
>Go to other AZ tab
>Oh hey new post
>Haha oh right