AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Two of my co-workers got fired over the week and weekend, and I'm not really feeling too bad about them gone? One always called in sick even when he wasn't at all and he barely did anything. The second didn't really do that much either and had his phone out when the General Manager was in on Saturday night.

Down two people while we have like 38 employees plus six managers, so I think we'll be all right.

The first time I got injured on the job.

When I worked at Fudpucker's, the nightly cleaning routine involved taking the used frying oil downstairs to a tank outside to be collected(/recycled?). A 15-gallon pot needed to be filled with the hot oil and taken down an elevator, once for each fryer. You can probably see where I'm going with this.

I was a prep cook, I had nothing to do with the line, so I didn't usually take care of any of their cleaning duties. One night, however, I get roped in while one of the fry cooks was busy cooking something while the other was trying to get his station clean. I got called over, and if you've ever worked in a kitchen, you know that there's no hesitation. Shit needs to get done now, no questions asked.

I grabbed a few hand towels for us and we took the pot down the elevator without a problem. We got to the tank and that's where shit went wrong. He says "1-2-3" and lifts his handle. I wasn't quite ready since I was expecting "1-2-3-go" but he lifted on 3. Laws of physics being what they are, the pot tipped heavily toward me and hot oil washed right over my hand. We both started freaking out and oh shitting, but I didn't feel anything at first. It was kind of cool, actually, like water. I took the hand towel from the pot handle and starting sopping the oil off my hand and said something like, "It's not that bad, actually. Didn't burn-" and that's when my skin felt like it got set on fire. Inside, I was screaming and firing off curses like a particularly shitmouthed sailor, but outside I kept calm enough to finish dumping the oil and head upstairs and assess the damage.

My hand was RED. It was a weird red, a shade I didn't think skin could ever look like. I started filling a (thankfully freshly cleaned) sink while the fry cook told our manager what happened. I let my hand soak while we did the whole incident report thing. The pain had already subsided by the time we finished with that and my hand was looking merely PANK so I decided against a trip to the hospital. A few days of aloe and tenderness and it mostly took care of itself. I was surprised there weren't even any blisters.

I remembered that I once encountered an Indian customer who talked exactly like Apu from the Simpsons. I had the hardest time having to hold back laughter talking to him.

Fuck the weather with a cactus covered in fire ants. (exaggerating, not really rustled)

So it's cloudy all day, no rain. Then, as I'm about to help a lady, it starts to rain a little bit. 30 seconds later, it becomes a downpour. My waterproof boots and rain suit are in my car, at the far end of the parking lot. Oh, and the car is locked and my keys are in my locker (good thing I remembered that part before going out there). So I get my keys, put everything that could be damaged by rain in my locker, then grab one of the crappy rain suits with holes larger than my fist and put it on.

By the time I step outside, the rain had stopped, and the sun was shining.

Today there was a young girl at work, like 12, and she wore a white shirt with nothing else but whatsapp emojis on them

Ew.

Something I've noticed working at a delivery job:

5-25 minutes late: You're a terrible driver, it's obviously your fault that the food is late, I'm angry and hungry and I hate you now - no or low tip.

30+ minutes late: Oh, you poor thing! You guys must be so busy! Thank you so much for getting here as soon as possible! Drive safely, okay? - Amazing tip.

Seriously, what the heck?

Almost every full moon, shit goes nuts at work. Like Monday night. Almost every person who bought something that is even remotely heavy or bulky (and people buying small potted plants) came to the store alone.

Which wouldn't be so bad if the forklift driver in lumber hadn't stopped me and had me spot for him every time he saw me. Which probably wouldn't have happened if the other lumber associate wouldn't have kept disappearing.

One of these days, I'm gonna get a werewolf mask with matching gloves, and get an apron with "Wolfe" written on the name line, then just wear that stuff while working the parking lot on a full moon.

Tire exploded on a trailer I was pulling today. I got the lovable task of changing the spare on the side of the interstate. I spent roughly 20 minutes certain that a semi was going to drift over and slaughter me.

Quick recap of today's events in the town where I work:

10:00AM(ish): someone hits a telephone pole, blows up a transformer, and knocks out power to half of the town. Taco Bell, Subway, and the gas station I work in are the only stores in the town with power. EVERYTHING else is out of power - restaurants, supermarkets, banks, etc., all dark.
This turned Sunday - our slowest business day of the week - into the busiest in MONTHS. Our ATM was drained, we nearly sold out of milk (fortunately we had just had a fresh delivery), almost sold out of bread, our poor frappe and icee machines were used so much I anticipate their early deaths... it was hell.

9:30PM: Power is restored. None of the business open up, as most of them close at 10 or 11, so there is no point. Ridiculous business stream continues. Supermarket employees on their way home inform me that the store's entire stock of fresh meat, eggs, and dairy is all trash, so expect things to be rough for a day or so (fortunately i have the next two days off).

10:00PM: some dumbass towing a boat behind him mounts the curb, catches on some protruding access valves and rips the gas main out of the ground. The local police department evacuates a few blocks of businesses and houses, because at some point, who knows? The town might just explode.

My parting words to 3rd shift were "Don't be surprised if something catches fire or the ceiling collapses. It has been that sort of day."

I was going to talk about this lady with a fake check at work but I know when I'm beat.

So I had to change a flat tire yesterday right after I clocked out to go home. The jack fell over with the car on top of it. If I hadn't been on the pavement, like if I were on the side of the road, my car would have needed to be towed. The rotor was slightly less than a millimeter off the ground. When that happened, I cussed loud enough that I'm sure some of the customers heard me, and I was almost at the very end of our parking lot. I was lucky that the guy in tool rental had his floor jack and jack stands in his truck. I had gone in there to ask for his help thinking we had some rental equipment that would do it.

I was rustled when it happened, but now it's kinda funny.

Most people in this area would think that knowledge about cars and car maintenance is supposed to be passed father to son, but my dad's an asshole who thinks I should already know everything about everything, and then gets rustled when I prove otherwise.

Guess who had an adventure yesterday? Not me! My sister, did, though. And it wasn't a pop flyin' one. Made the news, too. She's an EMT.

I used spoiler tags to hide the really horrible stuff.



Emphasis added for the glossing over they did.This kid got fucked up. And my sister was the one who pulled him out from underneath the train and was screaming his name to keep him conscious.

Just in case I ever complain about having a shitty job at any point in the future, someone remind me that my sister pulled a 14 year old kid out from underneath a train, got covered in his blood, and watched him die.

That's pretty harsh. Probably the main reason to not become an EMT. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to handle that stuff, and it wouldn't be easy.

What I want to know is, what the hell was he doing walking on the tracks? At fourteen, he should have known what trains do to cars (the car will sound like a drink can getting stomped).

She's seen some shit, but this takes the cake for the worst call she has ever had to go on. In fact, she just got back from a 5 hour long 10 PM emergency room visit because she was having panic attacks and hadn't slept since the train accident. SHe's knocked out on my couch on some crazy ER drugs.

I could never be an EMT. Ever. All the emergency medical people's worst stories involve children. :/ My dad was a paramedic, and his worst call (told to me by my mother, because dad would NEVER talk about it) was (spoilered for more kid death oh jeez) a kid with one of those Razor scooters who rode it out down his driveway, into the street, and under a mail truck. Head first. Under the tires. yeah