AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Thank you Chopstix and Winchester! The support means a bunch.

I was supposed to go to the support group and again but had to work. Guess there's always next week.

I was playing DnD with my roommate and his sister's family, I was playing a half Drow lady. Anyway during my chaotic shenanigans I was called a bitch and it made me happier than it should have.

If honesty's on the table, I hope you don't mind hearing some from the other side.

I grew up in a mostly Christian household and I still consider myself holding many grassroots conservative beliefs. This includes, among other things, the importance of traditional marriage and the idea that gender is something you're born with.

That being said, I will admit that for a long time what I thought came across as much more hateful than I'd admit. I'm finding that the biggest reason for this is that until a few years ago I never took a hard look at what I believed to be true, and as such my poorly-formulated thoughts were often expressed as ideas that probably sounded much more hostile than intended. It's taken a fair amount of time and hearing from a couple of pastors - who, initially, I thought were mistaken - before I made myself face the question of what was really more important: the views I disagreed with, or the person who held them.

In a sort-of-still-kinda-long-winded nutshell, I wanted to say I'm sorry for everyone who might've made you feel less than loved, less than respected, and in any way less than anyone else because of your decision and whatever led to it. Best of luck.

Thank you for the concern and understanding Otherwise, but I know what and why I've made the decisions I have made.

Surely my choices are effected by the things I have no choice about. But I know enough to separate my reasons of self understanding and doubts from scorn and resentment.
I assure you, me leaving my faith was a hard choice and not taken lightly or out of spite.

Although, the thought has come into my mind a lot since I've read your post. However I'm confident my reasons are the correct ones.




And I haven't updated my status here recently so here it is, I haven't made it back to the youth group meeting these last couple of weeks, It seems suddenly crowded on Fridays and My social anxiety keeps telling me to keep driving when I mean to park and head in.

For the meantime at least, I'm just going to save up cheddar/focus on work. The more cheddar I save up, the faster I can start my transition. The group support can wait.

Hey Kira, I'm pop flyin' for you, but I kinda just wanted to mention some things. Transsexual is the term used after someone has had SRS (sex reassignment/realignment surgery) and it's usually only used by doctors/administrative people who care about that sort of thing. Most people just use the word transgender and some even find the term transsexual offensive. Also sex change is super archaic and pretty much everyone dislikes that term.

I'm familiar. Just using terminology that average people can understand.
Also it was 6 am and I couldn't sleep due to stress.

Thanks for the heads up.

"""average people"""
scuse u thats cisist u scum

Any more updates, Kira? You said your social anxiety seems to get the best of you when it comes time to turn into the building lot, but you can overcome that! You were brave enough to come out to us crazy bastards, you're brave enough to get to that meeting!

Pleb Cissy lrn ur place.
I love you.

Real talk rant. Because might as well spew it somewhere.

Honestly, my anxiety is going to get in the way of quite a bit of this. I just hope I can overcome it.
I left the house to get a haircut the other day and saw the place was a little crowded so I just kept driving.
To be fair I'm wanting to get a crazy/zany haircut to kinda get use to wandering judgmental eyes when I am mid transition.
And ambiguous haircuts seem good to get early.

I know the opinion of strangers doesn't matter and I most likely wont ever see anyone of these folks again, but I still don't want any one of them to think of me as less than and other stranger they see. Almost like I have something to prove to them.
A quote from Dr. Seuss helps out a little, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind".
I always liked that quote.

-verging TMI-
I've also stopped caring much about my appearance as a guy in public, and have been focusing more on how feminine I can look in private.
Shaving my face makes me feel like crap so I usually just have a beard thing going. Then I just don't like the way I look.
Shaving my legs make me feel so feminine and for a couple of hours afterword I'm on top of the world, but my hair grows back fast and I'm not too good at it,and can't just ask someone to show me. It's just trial and error.

Slow going it solo. I need someone for support. And I'm too nervous to step foot in the place that I would find said support.

I think I might find that courage, at my own pace. Glacial.
But I might find a spark one day and charge in.

I found alot of support online personally, specifically in the forums of comics that cover transgender issues. (Transchizophrenic forums primarily)

mm mmmm girl u no it

Haha, shaving new places. There's been some times where I have gone "Hm, I think I'll shave there." and then within two days you're going nuts (cough) because everything is prickly where it shouldn't be.

As for the facial hair, electrolysis is costly but permanent. You could go full-body with it, but I can imagine they would charge you out the booty for it.

Offline support, you definitely need to get to that group! Online support - we're here, if you want us! Inbox is always open!

You guys are awesome!

And electrolysis is definitely on my list.
I'm using the site tsroadmap.com as a guide for now. Until I get something more substantial. Although this site seems legit.