AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I would say it's more like being assigned a difficult and intensive group project with your best friend.

Hey baby, the professor assigned us more group study, if you know what I mean.

*Wonk*

Can I retake that project? I kinda failed.

So it turned out that the gal who seemed interested in me was just being friendly, and we've been talking a reasonable amount since then.

If she knows that I'm interested in her, is it likely that that will specifically decrease the likelihood of her at some point being interested back? I've generally kind of had a hard time reciprocating if someone else expresses interest in me. She didn't say she was specifically disinterested, just that she doesn't like to date people she doesn't know well, so I'm not sure what I should assume in this situation.

I'm no girl expert(so please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong), but I don't think girls really mind guys being interested in them, as long as they're not overbearing or creepy about it. I think what they DO mind is when guys are ONLY their friends because they want a relationship. Not to say that's what you're doing, of course.

So I'd say don't assume anything. If you genuinely want to be her friend out of mutual interests, a personality you enjoy, etc., and not simply because she's a PYT you want to date, be that friend. If something comes out of it, awesome! Just treat her like a normal person and I doubt it'll cause much, if any, conflict ifwhen she picks up on your feelings.

So what you're saying is girls aren't interested in guys who are their friend with the intention of potentially developing a meaningful relationship than just a simple friendship? Makes sense...I mean...clearly that type of guy only wants to use you and bounce...

But that's not what Marcato means at all. What he's saying is that girls don't like it when guys only see the friendship as a way to get with them. It's like telling a girl she's only valuable to him as a SO. I think that's a valid opinion.

And being see as a SO is worse than being seen as a friend? How are people defining a "relationship"?

Look at this from a girl's perspective. She's just met a guy. She's not sure if she would even want a relationship with the guy. She barely knows him, after all. Now imagine he only wants a relationship. Being friends isn't enough for him. Do you see where a girl might be put off by this?

I understand needing to know someone before being in a relationship with them, but that would promote the idea of being friends first, not remove it from the table.

But is it true friendship if a guy is only friends because he wants something from her?

Sometimes yes, because believe it or not, not every single girl is looking for a relationship all the time.

What I was originally saying was that since YCobb said that this girl that seemed interested in him was just being friendly, and also that she doesn't date people she doesn't know very well, he should focus on building the friendship FIRST, and if something more comes out of it, awesome!



That was my point exactly. Be a good friend first, then commence with the smooching if she's interested in a relationship later.

Thing is thats all you, and your own perception of the word. "Want something out of her" is assuming that wanting anything is somehow bad, because wanting a relationship is supposed to be good. So should a guy feel guilty because he's looking for companionship and for whatever reason the girl finds that to be despicable?

It also confuses me because if a guy were to meet a girl who said "I don't want a relationship" in the past, agreeing to just be friend anyway was the noble thing. As in "you're a terrible human being if you break ties just because she's not looking for a relationship."

I think you're misunderstanding. We're not saying the mindset should be "Either she'll fall for me eventually or Imma ollie out", but rather, focus on being a friend first, and if a relationship comes out of it, then celebrate with fine wine, smooches, and The Notebook(I-I mean, if you're into that kind of thing....). If not, continue being a good friend and find someone who will appreciate your taste in cabernet and movies based on Nicolas Sparks novels(B-but you don't have to do that...oh god this is coming out wrong....)

My own personal mindset is I'll be interested in a girl, at a basic level, but understand the value in not just jumping in, so I'll persue a friendship to get to know the person to see if the feelings persist. Should I feel guilty about that?