AWKWARD ZOMBIE

CAPS-LOCK

INTERNET RAGE

PRETEND YOU ARE A SPACE HENCHMAN

Put the bloodied lint in her mouth

That can be like, your trademark

BECOME ONE.

Oh, and loot her body. Including her clothes. Who knows? This disguise might actually work...

Then position her naked lint-stuffed body in halarious ways.

Reflect on why you are such a fucked up person.

GO THROUGH THE BLOODY DOOR.

You head on over to the destruction and try to see if you can get that jetpack. Unfortunately, it pretty much exploded when you shot it.



You attempt to take the unconscious lady, but every time attempt to Inventoryize her she just punches you in the face. Somehow she's able to do this even when not conscious.


Your surroundings are more or less the same as they used to be, except now there is a gaping hole in the wall where a previously unnoticed door used to be.



You imagine you are a henchman. A SPACE henchman! You are currently taking over a base under the orders of your overlord Xenu. Everything goes well, but then there is a Space Marine that kills you and all your comrades in about 12-15 hours of generic FPS action. Your pretty sure he got you around the 5-hour mark.



You attempt to insert the BLOODIED LINT into the lady's mouth, but she does the whole "punch you in the face" thing again. You are pretty upset about this, as you really wanted a good trademark. You guess that whole "nail a blank piece of paper to the wall" thing you did way back in Scrambolini's office will have to do for now.



You are unable to take her clothing, due to the punching reflex she has, but you are able to take the RPG and ANTI-AIR MISSILE LAUNCHER. Apparently, she reloaded just before you shot the jetpack, so you have one shot for each. But only one shot.



Since you cannot position her with your hands due to the risk of getting punched, you decide to instead take advantage of her punching reflex. You go to a little left of her head and get her to punch you, and then do the same thing a little right of her head. Now it kind of looks like she's doing the "Y" in the YMCA thing. That's... kinda funny. You guess.



You wonder exactly why it is you are so messed up. It's almost as if there are a bunch of strange voices or something that tell you do to all sorts of messed up things for their entertainment.



You decide to quit messing around and finally head through that door you smashed open. Even though it leads you away from the currently sealed exit. It leads to some ominous looking stairs that head downward to a high-tech looking door. You begin to walk down the stairs.

"Hello, old chap!"

You hear a voice behind you and jump like 6 feet in the air. And then fall down the stairs.

"I'm dreadfully sorry. Did I startle you?"

You get up and see the face of your "old chap" Jacques Smith.

"I see you've managed to defeat Ol' George and Madame Secretary. That's much better than what most people do. You're still going to die, of course, but at least you can die with the knowledge that you weren't a complete failure. Also, before you ask, yes, that is her actual name."

Looks like your about to have another one of em' conversation thingymabobs.

INVENTORY:
ANTI-AIR MISSILE LAUNCHER, BLOODIED LINT, BUSINESS CARD, DICTIONARY, INFINITY REVOLVER, JANITOR'S KEYS, MOP, MUSHY VEGETABLES, PIPE, PLANT, POISONED BROOM JAVELIN, PRESUMABLY EDIBLE SUBSTANCE, RPG, SAFE, SCRAMBILONI'S CLOTHING, SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET, STAPLER, VARIOUS SNACKS (9), WORN-OUT PENNY

EQUIPPED:
HAT, NAMETAG, TRILBY-ESQUE CLOTHES

Is that her actual name.

Do you have some beverages? I could really go for a drink :(

"How about I give you everything inside Scrambolini's wallet and you let me go back to use my newly acquired rocket launcher on that sealed exit over there?"

Inform him of the difference between "your" and "you're".
Then repeteadly shoot him in the groin.

"Why does it always turn out his way?!"



Curl up into a fetal position and cry.

Say something witty. Wait...

"Are you crazy? Because from here, I can clearly see your nuts."