AWKWARD ZOMBIE

hellote


you are an adverturer. are you the hero??????? or the village turnip farmer. THIS IS FOR YOU TO DECIDE (except the village has a turnip farmer so you cant be that)



"how handome"

this is you. sorry.

at this point you are nondescript, without gender or name OR favorite meme. you do however exude a faint odor of gym socks. you also skipped leg day

lets start

what is our heros gender and name

I dub thee Elivs (not typo) watch as everyone interpret it as Elvis! He shall be a he.

gender: female

name: female

name: turnip farmer

gender: turnip farmer

name: skeleton warrior
gender: 14/f/cali

gender: unfunny waste of space, time and resources

name: darksufe

overwhelmed by the notion of identity and paperwork you deicde to forgo gender and become SKELETON



your name is a combination of blood curdling screams and rattles of the bones of long since damned warriors, pronounced "Elivis"

you reach into your handy, if not visible due to animation budget constraints, nondenominational inventory and pull out a map



laid before you, this offensive affront to art details the lands of whatever this place is. you never considered it a priority to figure it out.

TO THE NORTH: THE NEWLY CONSTRUCTED ABANDONED MINESHAFT, CHIEFLY USED FOR ITS ABUNDANT RESOURCES OF DARKNESS, ECHOS, AND FEAR

TO THE SLIGHTLY OTHER NORTH: MT LARGE. A LARGE MOUNTAIN WITH A PERSISTENTLY IMMOBILE VOLCANO. WHO KNOWS WHAT SECRETS LIE WITHIN ITS WALLS (SECRET: ITS LAVA)

TO THE WEST: GORBLIN FIELDS. WOW THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM I MEAN YOU CANT SEE THEM FROM SPACE WHERE THIS MAP IS BUT BELIEVE ME THEY ARE THERE AND POSSIBLE OTHER STUFF.

TO THE WEAST: CROISSANT LAKE: A BEAUTIFULLY IMAGINED PUDDLE OF DISPROPORTIONATE SIZE FULL OF FISH AND OTHER GROSS THINGS. A MAN SITS IN THE MIDDLE, FISHING FOR SO LONG HE WAS IMPRINTED ON THE MAP. HE MAY BE STUCK THERE. WHO KNOWS???? WHAT AN ADVENTURE.


where to, slick?

>go visit eternal fisherman to ask him the meaning of life

>VISIT GORBLINS TO DISCUS THE POSIBILITY OF A KSKLEKMAN/GORBLIN ALLIANCE

>Not a Horde, though. Never that. Goblings and underd could ONLY ever be an ALIANCE.

stay in the village

rescue your skellington brothers from their flesh prisons

Skeletons are scary. You are terrified and frozen in place through fear.

Go into abandoned mine and dig up fossils to join you in the skeleton war

unequip beach ball in right hand

follow where it may lead

You waddle over to Crossiant Lake and approach the shoreline. The fisherman sits near the edge, his back turned to you. He doesnt seem to hear you either, so you call out to him.

"HEY. HEEEY. FISHERMAN. OLD MAN. HEY. WHAT GOES THERE. I MUST ASK YOU A QUESTION. TELL ME, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?"

He turns to you suddenly.



WHATHOWHERESKELETONHEYTHEREHEURHRJH LET ME TELL YOU SONNY THE MEANING OF LIFE A GOOD PIECE OF BAIT I TELL YOU ALL THE BAIT IN THE WORLD COULDT CATCH THESE FISH I TELL YOU THEY'RE NOT LIKE DUCKS NO DUCKS ARE SIMPLE THEY ONLY WANT BREAD THEY DO NOT JUDGE A MAN ON HIS CHOICES IN LIFE WE'RE ALL FRIENDS WELL NOT EVERYONE YOU CANT PLEASE ALL THE PEOPLE BUT THEY TRY NOT DUCKS MIND YOU THE GOVENRMENT AND IF THEY DONT PLEASE YOU ITS OFF TO THE TOOTHPASTE FACTORY WHY I THINK THEY CONTROL YOUR MIND I BET THE DUCKS ARE IN ON IT I MEAN WE ALL SHOULD LOVE THEM ANYWAY THEYAREALLOFTHISWORNDERFUWORLDBUTDAM

His mouth becomes a tunnel, drawing in air at an alarming rate. With a deep breath, he continues

NEDCREATURESALWAYS TAKING MY BAIT THEY LOVE ANYTHING I BET THEY LOVE REALITY TV I TELL YOU WONT FIND MUCH IN LIFE WITH THOSE NO SIR I WAS ON ONE ONCE SARED THE BEJESUS OUT OF THOSE CHILDREN WITH MY AXE COLLECTION I TELL YOU NO APPRECIATION FOR THE ARTS WHY ONE DAY I W



You turn and run back to the village, satisfies with the sensory overload the fisherman assaulted you with.



You approach the Gorblin camp, the smell of burnt rubber and old meat fills your nonexistent nostrils. The Gorblin leader approaches you and greets you,




"ERGHFFSD HELLO I AM LEADER GORLBPBBBBBBBBT WELCOME TO MY DAMOIN UNDED WARIORIRIRIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

Behind him, several Gorblin children are experimenting with setting themselves on fire for life betterment. You never understood these new age medicine gimmicks.

"I seek an alliance, a Gorblin/Skeleton alliance at that! We could go bowling, hit up a mall. In reasonable numbers! Maybe have a BBQ, my cousin knows--

You are cut off by a sudden gasp of excitement rushing through the camp.



"CRUSH THE HUMANS RAAHHDHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSDFFADS;''FFFFFFFSFD????????????????1!! syntax error"



You attempt to reason with them, but it goes nowhere. Within seconds the entire camp is on fire in a rush of support and joy. You think so anyway. Good thing you rolled to start as a skeleton though.

This meeting went well, all things considered.





Gasp

The skeleton village looks at you in shock. Prison? Dare I say many of them are quite pop flyin' here.

What are you, a racist? A SKELETONIST?






Mom was right! You're horrifying! Just look at these bags on your eye holes. IS THAT A ZIT?

Oh no its all falling apart you're a wreck the car is in the shop you haven't any adventurer blood on your sword AND THE PROM IS TOMORROW!

>Agents are...

GO!