AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Sheila only slaps butts on people she really likes these days. Trouble is, I couldn't sit for a week.

I lick doritos. For the full dorito experience.

one time my friends went to a strip club and i was coerced into going in to (i really really really did not want to go in but i wasn't gonna be left on the streets alone) and anyways i had no cheddar but the people come up to you so i had to stall for time for like 20 mins while my friends were doing whatever and i just had to ask her stuff like "what's your favourite colour", "what's your middle name" and then i asked "what's your favourite drink" but i had no cheddar so once she hinted heavily i was just like hah yeah cool i drink water only goodbye

how will anyone ever be as cool as you

The worst thing is that's only like my 2nd worst story the next one can never be told

well you didnt need to say that, but you did, so now you need to tell it.

Back in middle school I had a crush on this girl and I'd always sed my friends to give her shitty rings in an attempt to woo her.

Oh man, back in 7th grade I had a crush on this girl and my idea of flirting with her was telling her that the pimple in the center of her forehead made her look like one of those married Indian women.

7th grade was a weird time for me, it needs not be spoken of often.

I thought this was a normal thing to do?? I do this with all chips, especially pringles and Dill Pickle flavour chips.

The other day in Japanese Culture Club, I decided we'd play a game called "The Dating Game". Basically you have 3 bachelorettes/bachelors, and the contestant has to guess what character they are through questions they give up. Not many rules are implemented into it, so it gets kinda hectic. Anyway, my friend Jacki wanted to be the "hostess" of the game, and just do the beginning bit where she introduces the bachelors as one, two, and three. She slipped and said "Dating Simulator". We derailed for a bit through an embarrassing explanation of what a dating simulator is. And for the people who do not spend their entire lives on the internet, it came across as really weird. So I said "Aw cmon you guys, have you really never played-- h-heard of a a dating sim??" My slip up was way too prominent. And so I head desked in shame saying "forever alone" in defeat. (Not true since I'm dating Noffletoff, but whatever.)

I probably have more embarrassing things. I just need to recall the pleasant ones.

The only time I get embarrassed is when I'm second hand embarrassed for all of you suckers. BD

I cannot stand surround sound in homes. The subtle noises and whispering I hear just unnerves the fuck out of me, I get clammy and pale, and sometimes I get on the verge of tears/vomiting if it's especially bad.

And for some reason the sound I hear the most, though everyone else thinks I'm crazy for hearing is babies talking or crying.

I have a recording of what is possibly the most beautiful song I've ever played when I was in band, it's very sad and moving, and during the performance somewhere you can hear a baby crying in the audience. It's spooky as hell but it fits so perfectly and I can't imagine the song without it.

Not really embarrassing but somewhat relevant.

Can you teach me how to be this suave?

For 5 easy payments of $19.95, yes.

Once, when I had long hair, I wanted to impress this girl and for some reason my idea of that was to straighten my hair. Made me look like a girl. daisies, I used to be stupid, haha. I like to think I've gotten better now though. Haven't done anything super embarrassing in the past couple years that I can quickly recall.

I'm not scared of many things, but the things I am afraid of, I am VERY afraid of. One of these things is being alone in big empty spaces or hallways. So last night I had to finish up my music final, e-mailed it to my professor, and then had to walk back to my apartment.....which is all the way across campus. At night. When no one is around. I was OK until I made it to the hallway which leads to the elevator to my floor. I was about halfway through the hall when I felt a presence behind me. No joke, didn't hear them or anything, just felt it. So naturally I assumed this person is an axe murderer and that I'm about to die. I turned around slowly, and lo and behold, there WAS someone behind me, about five feet away. I jumped so high that I probably could have touched the ceiling. The guy, who turned out to be a normal guy and had no intentions to murder anyone with an axe, didn't even look at me and kept walking.