AWKWARD ZOMBIE

*Cringe*

Please keep that away, I'm not really into that kind of fan-art...

Haha, well, I like it as a joke and a little nod to the LP, so that's why I thought I'd share it.

Once you've been in the Sonic fandom for as long as me, you start to really get disturbed by all the hedgehog fan-characters...

Still, it's a really daisies well drawn character to say the least, most fan characters I see are bloody jokes.

It's funny because this one is a literal joke.

Oh goodness you posted it. Darn, I liked being a lurker.

And yes, have no fear. Its intended as a joke, especially towards sonic fan characters. It should be derpier

I couldn't not post it. Also I have frames uploaded for a new episode, I just need to stop playing Twilight Princess when I'm not doing things with my family and write it.

Let me just apologize for how long this episode is. There were seriously no good segues I could find. That being said.....

Chapter Three: Lassie Isn't a Cow!

Episode Sixteen: Bring Us the Girlfriend, and Wipe Away the Debt

Soundtrack: Boy Meets Girl(Twoson)



All righty, back to Twoson! Of course, we still have to get through the Valley of Awful first..... Let's not think about that.

Soundtrack: Dangerous Caves



By the way, Wry, my mom says we're dating now. Hope that's OK with you.

Soundtrack: Peaceful Rest Valley



Sorry this had to be our first date, though. Although, if you really think about it, it IS technically your fault. I mean, you didn't HAVE to go and get kidnapped, you know.

Soundtrack: Oncoming Foe



I'm.....pretty sure this shouldn't count as a sneak attack, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Soundtrack: Battle Against a Weird Opponent



NO ONE HIDES FROM WRY'S FURY.



And what a fury it is! Geez, remind me not to forget our anniversary.



Gosh dangit, I'M supposed to be the one wearing the pants in this relationship! I've really got to step up my game!



A noble effort, darling, really, but maybe I should handle this one.



Thought you could sneak up on us, did you? Well, my lady friend here is having NONE of that!

Soundtrack: Battle Against a Weird Opponent



I mean, this only makes logical sense.



It's super effective!



It's not so super effective!

Soundtrack: You Win!



Man, that was pathetic! No dead best friends and no colds yet, either! I'm feeling MUCH better about this tri-



ACK



NOPE



NOOOOOOOOOOPE



Nope nope nope every single nope



I'm not really hurt THAT badly, but it'd be a shame to waste a good butterfly.



Here, Wry, I know you were just dying to get your 5 HP back.

Oh no, no need to thank me!



But I don't wanna relax! This is butterfly-based oppression!



I feel like this bridge was out the first time I was here. What do you think, Mr. Tree? Do you remember?

.......Actually, don't answer that. Just.....just go away forever.



MORE FIGHTS YEAH

MUCH EXCITEMENT

Soundtrack: Battle Against a Machine



Looks like I don't have to worry about Wry getting hurt! Which is good, since if we're going to be macking on each other, I can't have her dying all the time.



Oh, NOW you start zapping things left and right! Where was this during the fight against Chevy Chase?

(I don't think I mentioned this earlier: PSI Thunder has increased accuracy when more enemies are on screen.)



Looks like your circuits......CAME UP SHORT

SICK BURN BRO!!!!



You're just not even worth a pun.



Are you OK, Wry? That hefty hit you took nearly cost us the battle.

Did he hit you in the lip? I could facebattle it and make it feel better.



With all these butterflies restoring our PP, Wry and I are unstoppable killing machines here. I might consider ruling this valley with an iron fist and making Wry my queen if I wasn't preoccupied with getting her home.



I THINK I NEED ANOTHER BUTTERFLY

YOU ARE TREADING ON DANGEROUSLY THIN ICE, SIR



I'll let it go this time, but you'd better have a new favorite color the next time we meet!



Really, you should just give up now.



Wry's just going to roast you all and-



......Oh. Or she could NOT kill you all.



Unfortunately for you, I am not so merciful!



Wow, Wry almost FELT that one!



Are we done here yet?



Mr. Mole! I missed you! It's so good to see you again!

Actually, I think this is the first time we've actually SEEN you!



Almost there! Just one more cave and Wry's back home!

Let's just hope there's not a bunch of fights in there to slow us down.

Soundtrack: Dangerous Caves



Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. Me and my big mouth!



Oh come on, one at a time, even?!?!?



He died and it was not very exciting.



OK, this is just sad, no matter how advantageous it is.



That's the spirit, Wry! Give 'em the ol' SMAAAAASH to speed things along!



Of course, I don't need to SMAAAAASH these guys to take them out.

.....Why are you looking at me like that, Wry?



Ow, ow, OK, I'm sorry, let go of my ear already!



Man, they just don't take a hint, do they?

Anyway, he was disposed of and there was witty dialogue to accompany it.



Well, that takes care of that! There's another little room here with no fights in it. I guess those sprouts finally wised up!

Soundtrack: Boy Meets Girl(Twoson)



SWEET DAYLIGHT

I've never been so happy to see colors that aren't blue!



Here, I think one of those sprouts made you chip a nail. Let me just fix that up real quick.



SCREW YOU BUTTERFLY, I DO WHAT I WANT



Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back the heck up for a second! I think you've got your facts mixed up, buster!



Moral of this game: Never be happy. It makes you form weird cults and kidnap girls.



You have the pathetic enemies in Peaceful Rest Valley to thank for that.



HEY

NO

STOP THAT

I just rescued Wry, she is NOT about to get kidnapped again!

Let's hurry on inside.

Soundtrack: Home Sweet Home(Pollyanna)



Yesssss, fangirl count +1! I ought to rescue magic girls more often!



Holy crap, Wry, your mom is Ms. Frizzle?!?!?

BEST. PARENT. EVER.



Miraculous except when it comes to getting out of iron cells, apparently.



I think you mean my BAT will allow me to stand up to any challenge. Kind of hard to NOT be courageous when I'm swinging this thing around!



Whoops, guess I should have talked to Wry's mom first before giving Wry that LSD Croissant earlier!



I think working in a preschool all day is slowly deteriorating your mom's mind, Wry. I'm so sorry.



Remember, kids, homemade remedies made by preschool owners work just as well as what your doctor prescribes.

(Well, I guess it does in this case. The Hand-Aid completely restores one person's HP, so it's best not to waste it right away.)



I can't say the suspicion wasn't justified. That mustache makes me think he's no stranger to child abduction.



GAAAA

OH

UMM

H-hi, Wry's Dad! We weren't doing anything! Nothing at all!



You're very welcome! I'll have Toby mail you the bill.



Ah, yes, Wry's told me plenty about her dreams. She's mentioned that I'm usually shirtless with long, flowing hair and riding a dragon.

.....Too much information?



These long, cold winter nights are so dark and lonely all by myself. Plus she can fight, too!



Apparently Wry's Dad is proud of Wry for his own bad parenting skills.



I believe you mean my bat will be able to take care of BOTH of us.



We're gonna get more item space in Threed? What are standing around here for?!?!?



Wry, please, we're already an all-you-can-eat buffet of pain with just the two of us, anyone else is just overkill!



Kind of sad when your daughter is a better parent than you, dude.



Oh, come on, everyone knows you're gonna start crying again three minutes after she leaves.



Here you go, m'lady. Your mom kind of made it for you anyway.



YOU GO TELL EVERDRED HE CAN TAKE MY BAT AND STICK IT UP HIS-

Uhh, WOW, hey, that's a great knife you've got there. Go see Everdred, you say? We'll be right there! Ahehehe.....



For the record, I don't like this one bit. Not ONE BIT.



I try to ask a local cop for a police escort, and this is what I get!

Soundtrack: Battle Against a Weak Opponent



And are TWO police dogs really necessary?!?!?



I'll have your badge for this, sir!



Oh hey, looks like Everdred's ankle healed while I was out!

.....Why was I so surprised by that?

Soundtrack: Apple Kid's Theme



Oops, guessed we walked in on Everdred in a moment of self-reflection. He looks busy, better come back later and leave before we get locked in his closet, byyyyyeeeee~



Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. Sorry, mac, but if you want me on your team, Wry's coming, too. You either get the whole murder package or nothing.



Dang it, Wry, I told you to stop putting marker on my face in my sleep, it's not funny!



Great, thanks, Wry. You know we can't keep working for free like this. This adventure ain't paying for itself.



I don't want your blood money, you crimina-



We accept cash and credit.



How could I ever think of refusing such a thoughtful, loving gift from my favorite mob boss?

(Wry, go call the spa and make a 3 PM reservation for two. I'm thinking deluxe package.)



Oh, it's officially evil now? Well, hate break it to you, but you'll have to deal with colds and rampaging trees if you want to get near that thing.



I should have known all things evil would be associated with that guy's underground basement.



I think I just got invited to go on an acid trip with Everdred.

Soundtrack: Key Item Fanfare



Freakin' SWEET. C'mon, babe, you look like you need a new pearl necklace.

NOT YOU, EVERDRED, I WAS TALKING TO WRY



Well, that meeting involved way fewer future news stories about two missing children than I anticipated! Oh man oh man oh man I can't believe how much money we have, this is going to buy SO much LSD and-

Uhh

Ma'am?

Are

Are you OK down there?

Maybe we should just let her be.....

Anyway, we've got some time before our spa appointment. How about a show, Wry?



You know it! I've been steadily gaining members to my fandom since I rescued this little lady!



Sure, why not? One more adoring fanboy never hurt anybody.



No thanks, man. Wry wouldn't be too happy if she caught me reading something like that.



.....Oh. But hey, great! The only thing better than seeing a show for $10,000 is seeing the same show for free!



Hopefully this ticket counts for two people, or this could be a turning point in the single-episode relationship of me and Wry.

Soundtrack: What a Great Picture!



Let's go get our seats before the show star-

MY FREAKING SCREEN STOPPED AGAIN GOSH FREAKING ABKFBHALFHBAKGJH



Good idea, Wry! Hide behind that lamp post!

Soundtrack: Dead-End Chaos Theatre



Now that one creepy old man is out of the way, let's talk to another!

I seem to recall you mentioning that the Wunaway Five owe you a wot of money.



How about before I introduce my BAT to your FACE? Or maybe you want all those big bucks to go to your orthodontist?



Ugh, FINE

My lady friend was getting antsy about seeing the show, anyway.



Hello, yes, it seems my girlfriend forgot her ticket, but trust me, she definitely bought one! We would NEVER lie!



I can't believe that worked....

I MEAN

UHH



Well, this isn't tacky decor at all.



All I did was rescue a young lady from an evil cult, nothing special.



The lack of any sort of lisp should have clued you in that that's not the case.



Good to see that you know how to use your money wisely! Of course, Wry and I would never waste our hard-earned dough so frivolously.



That's because there are exactly ZERO waitresses here.



Whoa, easy there, Captain Falcon! I think you're getting the wrong impression about this place!



That depends on your choice of carpet. In this case, I'd have to agree with you.



And he seems to agree with you. Next time, try to find someplace with more attractive waitresses. Or any waitresses at all, really.



Oh, so it's a fishing company! Or a podiatry company? Hmm.....



Believe me, most of the time I just let my bat do the talking.



Not nearly enough, apparently. I haven't landed a critical hit in a while.



Ah, yes! "They"! I know exactly who you're talking about!



Oh, THAT "they"! So apparently having a sold-out show makes every attendee proud? Makes sense.....



What a coincidence! My girlfriend, umm, lost her ticket, too! Ahem. Yeah.



Now THAT'S dedication.



I think he'd be nicer if he had Snickers.



Oh, sorry, I often forget to mind people's personal space.



Clearly maturity isn't required for entry to this club.



But I thought they already WERE famous. I mean, all these people clearly aren't here for the waitresses.



Where the acoustics and view are terrible.



Welp, I'm convinced! Obviously this is the best spot in the house!



Life must kind of suck for you at the moment.



What if we just walked around normally? Would that be better?



Let's see.... Baseball cap.....baseball bat..... I'm gonna go with no.



Because screw my bat, THAT'S not the sign of a true fan! It's all about the cap!



Does ANYONE in this theatre know what performance they're here to see?!?!?



I can get into a lot of music when I get backstage passes for free.



Come for the music, stay for the new fanboys.



Ah, yes, many poor decisions in history were made in the name of family bonding.



You should've rescued Wry when you had the chance. It's the only surefire way to get one.



The pretty young thing behind me attests to this, yes.



Sure, why not? Having another lady on my arm can only help my street cred.



Doggone it, no, you don't understand how this works! This won't help my street cred at all!



The fact that it wasn't before is more than slightly concerning.



Hey, now! Who's leading who, here?!?



OK, you SERIOUSLY should go see a doctor about your heart condition. And maybe change your pants while you're at it.



Luck has nothing to do with it, sir. My association with psychic girls is the only reason I got in.



Probably not a good idea to go on stage while you're high. Also I think Wry ate the last LSD Croissant.



So you want dough to get dough? Am I understanding this correctly?



And I can only assume they hired the best, right?

.....Right?



Uhh



Hmm



That's....just a work in progress, right?

.....Right?



Ah, I remember THIS one from the Billboard Top 100 charts.



The most expensive jazz you can play.



Well, wouldn't you know it, we've got exactly that amount right here!

......Why are you looking at us like that?



Geez, how long HAVE you been here?!?!? Well, whatever, nothing a little WD-40 and some elbow grease won't fix!



Aww man, now I feel bad for ragging on that one guy earlier.



I guess "Chaos Theatre" isn't exactly an appealing-sounding venue for most people nowadays.



This guilt trip is no good for my bottom line. I have a nest egg to secure here!



Well, when you're the ONLY ACT IN TOWN.....



Well, we'd better get our seats. Wouldn't want to get free tickets and not see the sho-

Uhh

Where

Where is everybody?



Oh man, I love Jake and Elwood!

Wait



That enormous debt they've got suggests otherwise.



The Blue Man Group suggests otherwise.



Wait, how did they get on stage so quickly? Was there an entrance back there? Are you telling me I missed my chance to get up on stage and sing with them?!?!?

Well, crap. Nothing to do now but sit back and relax.

(Time to shut up and let the screenshots and music do the talking!)

Soundtrack: Runaway Five-The Daily Show











































Soundtrack: Dead-End Chaos Theatre



They....only played one song.

I

I'm sorry, Wry. I'm not good at making good dates.



Welp, time to do the deed. Good-bye, my sweet, sweet green friends. You will be dearly missed.

IF THIS LADY EVER MOVES, THAT IS



OK HERE'S YOUR MONEY JUST TAKE IT AND-

Wait, seriously?!? UGH



Is it too much to ask you to have a sudden change of heart and let The Runaway Five go for free?

No?

Sigh.... I thought not.



I think I'm going to cry.



YEP DEFINITELY CRYING

GOOD-BYE SPA APPOINTMENT

GOOD-BYE PEARL NECKLACE

GOOD-BYE GOLD-PLATED BASEBALL BAT

Soundtrack: Runaway Five Left the Building!



YOU

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

I GAVE AWAY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE FOR YOU

.....Oh hi Wry! I-I didn't mean it like that!



That is pretty much exactly the opposite of how I feel.



OK, you've got the "ow" part right.



I DON'T WANT TO PLAY GOLF WITH YOU, I WANT MY MONEY BACK



Oh, right! We need to get to Threed! Let's go, more item space awaits!



You sure know how to inspire confidence, don't you?



When you were UP ON STAGE PERFORMING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?

Nah, I wouldn't worry about it.



Specters from the great beyond are known for having notoriously sensitive ears.



Ehh, what the heck. Might as well get one more free thing out of Twoson while I've got the chance.



Bus adventures await!



It smells like jazz and faded dreams in here.



OW GEEZ

OK WE REALLY CAN'T FIT EIGHT PEOPLE ON THIS TINY BUS

(Bus montage time!)

Soundtrack: Runaway Five On the Move!













































Soundtrack: Threed, Zombie Central



I CAN BREATHE AGAIN

AND ALSO CAN'T HEAR ANYMORE

SO THANKS I GUESS?



AND ALSO REALLY QUIET

OR IS THAT JUST ME?



MY GLAND OF SUNBRINE? WHAT? YOU'VE GOTTA SPEAK UP, DUDE



OH OK BYE

THANKS FOR THE RID-



OH

UHH

YOU TOO?



SOUNDS LIKE A BIT OF FOURSHADOWING.



WELL, THIS TOWN IS.....DIFFERENT. WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AROUND ON THE NEXT EPISODE!

HOPEFULLY WHEN MY EARS STOP RINGING!

Creepyshit time!

WHOOOAAAAA

This LP turned one year old on Sunday! pop flyin' Belated Birthday, Earthbound LP! I'm currently working on the next episode, which should be out tomorrow!

Holy freaking crap, the universe is conspiring against me to not let me release new episodes when I say I will. I swear, I was working on the new episode today, and then my computer froze, causing me to have to force a shut down, and I lost a lot of the work I did. So I started rewriting it, and then I went to go help a friend with her car. And then I had to go to a basketball game THAT WENT INTO DOUBLE OVERTIME.

Hey everybody! Happy Halloween!







OK, so maybe this one is coming out a little later than I intended.....

Anyway, let's go!

Episode Seventeen: Zombie Employment Benefits and Failed Camping Attempts

Soundtrack: Threed, Zombie Central



Welp, looks like we're stranded here, Wry. Might as well take a look around the place!



And my, is there a lot to see! I say we investigate that sexy disembodied head near the center of town first!



I'm going assume by "it", you mean the game of love, and I've been playing that game since the day I was born.



Bad news, milady. I think we're sleeping out in the cold tonight.

No, I DON'T think they have a hotel here.

No, I'm NOT going to stop someone and ask!



Good thing my bat is known for being an excellent wrangler of the undead hordes!



Gaaa, looks like the drugstore's cheated me this time! I guess I have to pay for my LSD food myself..... Sigh....



EXCUSE ME, I have a CONGENITAL DISORDER that forces me to smile constantly!

Sheesh, what a rude old lady, insulting my disability like that!



Well, since I'm pretty sure neither of us can sing loudly and merrily enough to avoid needing an immediate exorcism, I think it's safe to say we won't be going back to Onett or Twoson for a while.

It sure was nice seeing your family again for all of two minutes, Wry!

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



I hear the pay's good, but no dental coverage.

Oh, uhh, I mean, YOU FIEND!!!



And today I learned about the deep-seated corruption at ESPN Headquarters.

That Erin Andrews always seemed kind of sketch to me. I mean, come on, a woman who likes SPORTS?



Oh yeah, THAT guy! We haven't heard about HIM in a while!

.....What kind of pay does he offer?



Or that GIRL, I guess!



Or that ambiguously gendered pronoun, I guess!



I think you should probably get back to covering the Lakers game last night.



Well, you seem like a trustworthy voice! Carry on, then!



Ah, yes, the company made famous by their groundbreaking Zombie Tylenol.



Wry, I think we just found a place to sleep tonight!

I....I just want to go camping, OK?!?!?



Oh, so you're dealing with FAT zombies! And here I am without my exercise equipment!

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



Well, no WONDER you're having such a problem with fat zombies! You're selling freaking LSD Calorie Sticks here! Those things go right to your thighs!



Whatever the case may be, I can always be more efficient at bashing people's faces.



Hey, I'm about 20% better at breaking noses now!

.....Every little bit counts, all right?



I even got a nice little return on my old bat! Sweet!

But we need MORE POWER



You're up next, darling.

Hope this makes up for the missed spa appointment!



Hey, now Wry's about 30% more powerful!

OK, shut up, percentages don't mean anything!



Is that all you can give me for this thing?!?!? Man, this economy, I tell you.



If it's good enough for the zombies, it's good enough for us.



Hey, not too shabby! I can understand their appeal to the living dead!



Let's try out some new drugs. That always turns out well!

(For the love of Mike, BUY SOME VIALS OF SERUM. Some of the enemies in Threed can poison you, and you are absolutely boned if you can't do anything about it.)

Now then, let's go hunt some zambos.

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



The pizza parlor seems like a good place to start our search! Zombies can get hungry too-WHAT ARE YOU DOING



And I would never think of beating a pizza lady unconscious, BUT WE ALL JUST DO THINGS ON A WHIM SOMETIMES, DON'T WE?



I am not paying for that.



And in the end, we don't even get the pizza at all! What kind of shoddy establishment is this?!?!?

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



Like a zombie wolf pack.

Holy crap, Zombie Wolf Pack would be an awesome band name!



Then you were trying to CRAWL away from them. And stopped to take breaks every three seconds!

Seriously, those things move so slow I don't know how anyone is intimidated by them.



Hmm...yeah...I'm pretty sure the response I'm looking for here is NO THANK YOU SIR I WILL NOT BE DOING THAT



I think some sicko just wants to see people eat rotting flesh. Eugh....



The law of finders keepers still applies in hospitals, right?

Oh, good! Now I don't have to feel bad about this!



Also known as

Wait for it

UN-LIFE INSURANCE

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week!



Let's investigate the bakery next! The aroma emanating from this building has surely drawn in the zombie horde!

Yeah, let's go with that.



Geez, there's still nothing worth buying at these places!

O-oh...uhh....well.... At least there's no zombies in here.... Yeah....

Soundtrack: Battle Against a Weird Opponent



Whoa, sudden conflict! I don't like either of those options!

LSD Meter: It's a little worrisome that we've now escalated to people with pumpkin heads.



We'll have Wry flash freeze this pumpkin, so we can save it for later.



What's the matter, kid? I thought you liked Halloween chills!



Come back next year!

Soundtrack: You Win!



Looks like his pumpkin

GOT SMASHED

IT'S A SLAM DUNK!!!



So you're telling me that NO ONE in this town is capable of singing or being happy in general?

Geez, no wonder the Church of Scientology took off!



And this is definitely information that couldn't be utilized by anyone else!



Am I just not understanding what's so hard about this? Is Threed just full of clinically depressed people or something?



Apparently we're dealing with fat DELINQUENT zombies.



For some reason this graffiti is causing me to have an existential crisis.

Who am I? WHAT am I?!?!?

(HAL Laboratory is, of course, the company that developed Earthbound.)



Gaaa, the only drugs I'm getting for free this time are the SUCKY ONES.

Oh, well, beggars can't be choosers, I suppose.



Trustworthy Voice?!?!? How many houses do you live in?!?!?



Uhh....yeah.... It might be difficult, but I think we can manage to accomplish that.

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



No worries! I'll stop him with my superior etiquette!



You sure got that right, lady. Truly, Belch is a more terrifying name than Frankenstein, Dracula, and even Cthulu. Mere mention of the name sends six year olds laughing out of sheer terror!



Hmm..... My inventory's looking pretty cramped. Only one thing to do....



More drugs!



Guess we're not leaving this way, either. Dang my inability to be loud and cheerful!

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



Well, it's no tent, but since there's no one in here, I'd say it's all right to make this our temporary residence for the night!

Ugh, FINE, Wry, we'll look somewhere else. Geez, so picky....

Soundtrack: Oncoming Foe



One of these guys again? Man, remind me to start carrying around some candy in Threed!



I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that Wry has no issue SETTING CHILDREN ON FIRE.



Although I guess they can take the heat.



But luckily, so can Wry!



She's resorted to using the fry pan. Wry's on the war path now!



Sigh..... I should probably step in before she gets herself killed.

(I don't remember exactly what happened in this fight, but DANG, Marc must have been missing a lot!)



All right, enough of this, already.



A+ for effort there, sweetheart!



Might as well have Wry eat this LSD Bread Roll before it gets stale.



Really? I can't imagine how someone as lively and colorful as you would have any trouble dispelling the monsters!



I wouldn't try it, or Dampe will get mad.



Doggone it, Trustworthy Voice, you know who this is, no need to be so skittish!

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



I think most people call that EAVESDROPPING, actually.

Or do I owe Trustworthy Voice an apology for earlier?



Now THERE'S some good workplace benefits! That's pretty much like the exact opposite of what most desk jobs offer!



I dunno, based on what you just told me, he seems like a pretty caring individual.



And Marc says we don't need no stinkin' hints!



What?!? Trustworthy Voice, no! I can't help but be drawn towards your honesty!



Please just believe in me, Trustworthy Voice! Trust me like I've learned to trust you!

Also it's way past lunch time!



Ooh, a campsite, maybe?!?!?

THE DREAM IS STILL ALIVE



Oh, what, like EVERYONE ELSE IN TOWN is happier? Well, at least you're nice enough to not mock my disability like that old lady.



You're right, we can't give up now! The last thing on Earth I'd want to be is a screwdriver for some undead freak!



Aww yeah, fan mouse +1! My popularity has just been skyrocketing lately!



At long last! Stand back, Wry, I'm gonna see if this bat can break doors as well as it can break kneecaps!



Oh

Uhh

Sorry about that.

I'll

I'll pay to have the door fixed.



So we've got a Benedict Arnold to worry about now, too? Great.

....Benedictette Arnold? Benedict Arnoldette? Whatever, you know what I mean!



Well, we're to the west of the sign now and HEY

THIS ISN'T A CAMPING SITE



Sure, man, we'll keep it down to a loud whisper.



Well, I want to go camping, but seeing as that's not one of the options you're presenting me with, I'm not sure how helpful you'll be with that!



Yeah, let's not buy weapons from the shady man behind the building. That seems like the responsible decision.



OK, are we dealing with an invisible fat delinquent zombie threat here or something? I'm actually pretty disappointed with the lack of zombies we've seen so far!



I know, man, those 10-20 feet are just WAY TOO DANGEROUS.



I'm telling you, Dampe will get mad! You don't want to see Dampe when he's mad!



You're not even listening, are you.



How dare you say that about Dampe! He's just trying to scrape out a meager living, being a gravedigger and all!



OK, seriously, Dampe is scary, but he's not THAT scary!



Only because the people here aren't very bright.

DOUBLE KILL!!!



So like a normal town, then. Brilliant.



Maybe if you ask politely, they'll see the error of their ways.

And by ask politely, I of course mean show them my bat up close!



Nope. Nope nope nope. After the camping fiasco, I'm thoroughly convinced that dreams were only made to be RUINED.



Wait, what's that, Wry?

YOU want to go to the beach?

Well, crap. If the lady wants it, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that we're going there at some point.



Wait, there's a circus in town?!?!? What are we doing hunting for zombies, we've got a circus to see!

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



Well, uhh

This is not what I was expecting.

Glad to see the ol' think tank's hard at work in here.



From where, Abu Dhabi?!?!? I have yet to see even ONE zombie!



Aww, man, now we only have SIX years to devise a strategy instead of seven!



Justice and baseball bats have no age, ma'am. That's my philosophy.



Absolutely not! I am vetoing the motion to set ANY tent ablaze before I get the chance to use it!



Man, it's always about what YOU people want! Did you ever think about what the tent wants?!?!?

Whatever, let's just move on already.

Worst. Circus. Ever.

Soundtrack: Zombie Paper



Well, since I guess roughing it in the wild with all the bears and wolves and mosquitoes is out of the question, a nice, quiet, comfortable hotel room is the next best thing.

I GUESS



Don't worry, I won't bother Damp-OK, let's stop beating this dead horse.



Welp, I can't pawn off my useless crap, so I might as well put it someplace where I don't have to look at it anymore.



Oh, and you might want to find a traveling band to drive you here, just a word of advice.

Soundtrack: Escargo Express at Your Service!



Indeed, I can, but juuuuuuuuuuuuuust barely!



Just take them out of my sight! I can't even stand to look at you, lackey!



Get out of here already, you lovable scamp.



After that absolutely back-breaking investment, I'll put what little dough I've got back into the ATM.



FINALLY

SOMETHING NOT ALIVE

STILL NOT A ZOMBIE THOUGH

Soundtrack: Battle Against an Unsettling Opponent



Wry instantly accuses me of infidelity!

LSD Meter: Why does this thing have buck teeth? Or even teeth at all?



I attempt to apologize profusely!



Wry isn't having any of it!



I explain that the Zombie Possessor came on to me!



Wry says that's not how she remembers it!



The Zombie Possessor calls in a friend to help mediate!



Zombie Possessor B instantly regrets his decision, but remembers that he owes Zombie Possessor A for helping him fix his fence last week!



Wry asks Zombie Possessor A if a good boyfriend would try to make his girlfriend sleep in a tent! Zombie Possessor A passes the question off to Zombie Possessor B!



Zombie Possessor B tells Wry to calm down and think about this rationally!



I rub my temples at this complete nonsense!



Wry tells Zombie Possessor A that she'll calm down when she's good and ready, thank you very much!



Zombie Possessor A is done with this crap!



I ask Zombie Possessor B if a good girlfriend would try to kill her boyfriend's hopes and dreams! Zombie Possessor B mumbles to himself!



Wry is so angry she can't even move!



Zombie Possessor B sighs and says HOLY CRAP YOU TWO ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL!



Wry tells Zombie Possessor B to shut up and stop talking about her boyfriend like that!



I tell Zombie Possessor B that he better not say anything bad about my girlfriend!



Wry is touched that I defended her like that! Wry and I forgive each other, facebattle, and make up! Zombie Possessor B's work here is done!

The End

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.



Shh, shh, it's OK, Trustworthy Voice, no need to be scared.

I'M HERE FOR YOU

By the way, how do you even pay for all these houses?



Clearly this bulletin board isn't aware of the goings-on in town!



Freaking SWEET

Finally, something worthwhile in this town's refuse!



Happy Valentine's Day, dollface. I totally didn't dig that out of the trash just now! I...uhh...bought a while ago and wanted to surprise you! Tada!

Heh. Yeah.



The Hint Shop offers the secrets of the universe, apparently.



I'm starting to REALIZE that you guys are a bunch of scam artists.



Yeah, because I've REALIZED that coming here was a waste of my time!



Well, THIS looks safe and in no way mentally scarring!



Wait what

Soundtrack: Battle Against an Unsettling Opponent



OK I WAS WRONG

LSD Meter: SO VERY VERY WRONG



YES GOOD PLEASE KILL IT WITH FIRE



THAT IS FAR LESS DEATH THAN I WAS HOPING FOR



Oh gosh it's taunting us. IT CAN SMELL FEAR



Pleasejustdiepleasejustdiepleasejustdiepleasejustdiepleasejustdiepleasejustdiepleasejustdiepleasejustdie



Oh thank goodness it's gone



I am not touching that sinister chocolate with a ten foot pole.

Soundtrack: You Gained a Level!



Looks like that surge of fear and adrenaline gained me another level!



Boy oh boy, WHAT A LEVEL



Wry is now a legal adult!



AUGH NOT ANOTHER ONE



Why does the hand have no body

WHY DOES THE HAND HAVE NO BODY



WRY WHY THE HECK IS IT STILL MOVING



OH GOSH TEDDY NO



PLEASE JUST KILL IT, BAT, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE



Oh, for crying out loud, I DON'T WANT YOUR DEVIL CHOCOLATE



OK.....OK, I think that's about all the excitement I can handle for one episode. Next time, we'll hopefully find at least ONE zombie!

trustworthy voice is officially the best character. he's unknowingly running the show. @__@

Never bothered to mention that Battle against a machine is one of my favorite themes in the game.

This game does have some great tracks in it. The first time I ever played, I got the Onett theme stuck in my head for days.