AWKWARD ZOMBIE

you lost me on step 1

Hey-o. Sorry this thread's been down for the last 3 weeks. Back half of winter break I was at my mom's, where I can't access AZ, and then a whoooooole lotta shit hit the fan this week, so I haven't really had a lot of time to put anything together. We'll get rolling again next week, though. Starting with fried rice. whoooo.

After that, I'm thinking of the following (Any suggestions or refusals are welcome, though they won't necessarily be followed):

Tortillas (and subsequently, quesadillas)
Enchiladas (another good leftover-eater)
Chicken soup
Pepper-vegetable mix with refried beans and rice
Pot roast chicken (WHOA THIS ONE REQUIRES REAL MEAT, WHOA)
Pozole (for those of you that know your Mexican food, don't worry, mine is mild...ish)
Kickass chicken salad


Most likely in that order.



People who have checked the front post for upcoming recipes/post links might have noticed that there were two candy recipes that I missed because of the delay. If anyone is interested, I will still do these, probably around Easter, when we should finally be not-tired of candy again. (unless you're Mander. He ALWAYS wants candy.)

Hey, sort of but not really double post

If you ever have a can of opened sweetened condensed milk left over from a recipe and you're like "wtf am I going to do with this", you can either A) eat that shit like candy, or B) once you get tired of A, use it to cream your tea. As long as you cover it so it doesn't dry out, it will last for ages in the fridge.

hahahahahahahahaha

Well I don't know about anyone else, but after a while, it's like my spit hurts. I dunno. I just can't do assloads of sweet all at once.

Hello, AZ. I am really freaking lazy. Welcome to my tiny-ass kitchen


We'll be making fried rice this time. This can be good for either a whole meal or a side, and is an excellent leftover-eater. By which I mean you can stick just about anything in here that you're trying to get out of the fridge.


SHOPPING TIPS: Really, this is more something to make when you don't want to go shopping. the only concrete ingredients in here are the rice and the fat (but even there you've got some choice).


ESTIMATED COST PER BATCH: $4.50 USD

ESTIMATED COST PER SERVING: $1 (for 2 cups finished)




INGREDIENTS (Based on about 9 cups of final)


2 cups plain white rice
Soy sauce (plus enough water to equal 4 cups)
4 eggs
2 cups of frozen or fresh small vegetables (I use peas, but chopped broccoli or carrots work too)
3/4 to 1 lb of fatty meat (like sausage)
OR
3/4 lb of lean meat (like chicken) with 3-4 tablespoons of canola or peanut oil.

Anything else you want to put in there.


RECOMMENDED EQUIPMENT:
A large frying pan (Although a large soup pot works too)
A spoon
A bowl of holding




Alright, first things first, let's get your rice cooking. If you still need a full tutorial on it, you can check the rice section here: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=11985&p=1066602#p1066602

For this, i like to mix a quarter cup of soy sauce into the water, so do the soy sauce first, and then measure the rest of the four cups around it. Bring it to a boil, dump in the rice, turn it to low and let it sit covered for about 25 minutes.
Pull it out of the pot and into a bowl where it will chill out.




At this point, get your meat (and oil if you're using lean meat) cooking.




Get it to look like this:




And then mix up your eggs with a couple of tablespoons of water.




Pour it in with the cooked meat




And then while that's cooking, grab your vegetables.




And then your rice




Crank the heat up to medium-high, and stir it around to ensure everything is evenly mixed. then let it sit for a minute or so at a time so that you get this nice little golden crust:




Then fold it into the rest of the rice and just keep on doing that over until most of the rice has that crust.



After that, plate it up and enjoy. Possibly with some fried up potstickers that you froze three months ago and still haven't finished eating yet.

That rice is a thing of beauty.

I don't generally eat fried rice, but not for disliking it. It's because my family puts spam in for the meat and I cannot stand spam.

Something Pink Absent Meat.

no spring onion, no lap cheong

no sale

I totally make my kind of fried rice very differently.

I break the eggs into the rice and then whisk them to cook into the rice, I use pieces of ham, sometimes I add garlic, sesame oil, etc etc

Fried rice is good no matter what you throw in it.

WHAT PART OF "DIDN'T WANT TO GO SHOPPING" DID YOU MISS, GAWD.

WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THAT SHIT IN THE PANTRY ALL THE TIME COME ON MAN

WELL FOR ONE, YOU DON'T KEEP THOSE IN THE PANTRY, YOU KEEP THEM IN THE FRIDGE.

Hola, AZ. Para hoy, vamos a tratar leyendo en español. Qué? No pueden leer esto? Bien. Welcome to my tiny-ass kitchen.

So yeah. Makin' flour tortillas whoooooo. I am personally of the opinion that the only "advantage" that supermarket tortillas have on homemade is their apparently preferred, unnatural roundness. (much like boob jobs). I"m not going to do a tutorial on corn tortillas, both because they're less popular, and because maza is like like, 3 dollars a pound around here and that's just stupid.
They're pretty straightforward, honestly. I can make a batch of 24 (that's double this recipe) in about 30 minutes, from measuring to the end of cooking the last one. There is, however, a choice to be made: Lard or butter. Technically, you're supposed to use lard, and substituting in butter leads to the bread having an almost saltine kind of taste. But much like hominy (a type of corn product), I can't find a container that isn't large enough for me to use as a stepstool. so butter it is.
Typically, the hand-sized tortillas are used for scooping up sauces and beans and stuff, not really for wrapping things (like burritos). But, since you can make larger tortillas by just using bigger chunks of dough, I figured I'd throw in a how to on making a quesadilla while still cooking the tortillas. I'm pretty sure that I don't need to explain how to make a quesadilla to American kids, because that's typically one of the 3 things that Chad the Frat Boy knows how to make in his microwave, besides chicken ramen and beef ramen. But there are some countries where latin american food isn't exactly popular, so some people might be less familiar with what exactly it even is. So yeah. that's at the end.



ESTIMATED COST PER BATCH: $0.35 USD (not including any filling or dips. just the bread)




INGREDIENTS
(12 regular, 8 large)


2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp Baking Powder
3 Tbs butter/Lard
3/4 cups of water


As always, mix your dry ingredients first.





Then add the triglyceride of your choice. (you're going to be mixing it with your hands, so I'd recommend removing any rings, and kind of coating the stuff in the flour mix to minimize the greasehands)




Once you have the fat all mixed into the flour so that it has a nice mealy texture, add the water.





Knead it all together until you have a solid mass of dough, like this:


(the dough can turn out a bit stickier than what this looks like, so don't panic if yours is a little sloppier. just add an extra dusting of flour and call it good.)



Divide your dough up into either 12 pieces for normal sized tortillas, or 8 pieces for larger, wrap/quesadilla tortillas.





Roll them out thin and as round as possible (the round part just makes them prettier. no big deal if you make them into septagonal stars or whatever)




If you need another reference for size, 7-8 inches is an ideal diameter for regular tortillas.





Anyway, stick them in a hot, non-greased skilet over medium-high heat. For thin tortillas, you only NEED to cook them from one side, but you can flip them over for browning if you want.
Once they're all bubbly and the edges lift up, they're done, or ready to be flipped over, depending on thickness. The thin ones will usually be done in about 45 seconds if your heat is high enough.



Depending on just how you like your tortillas, you can either eat them straight out of the pan/leave them in open air on a plate for a more crispitty bread, or if you want them to be soft, you can stick them in some sort of covered dish, where they'll gradually lose the crunch as the steam settles back into them. The way to reheat them is also to sprinkle a little water over the surface and microwave them for about 10-15 seconds (for just one or two tortillas. throw it up in increments of 5 seconds for each additional tortilla)



Now if you want, since you've already got the pan hot, you can make a quesadilla right the heck now with your fresh tortilla dough. Just make a pair of bigger tortillas (if you don't already have 8ths, take three of the 12ths, squish them together, and then divide them in half)
Start off with the one in the pan,





Take some grated cheese and whatever else you want in there (like finely chopped up beef seasoned with chili powder, paprika, cumin and salt, for example)



By the time the bottom tortilla is done cooking, the cheese will be all melty so you can get the top tortilla to stick (remember, you only need to cook each tortilla on one side)


So you maybe sprinkle a little more cheese on there, drop the other tortilla on top:




Then you take a spatula and flip that baby over.





When it's done, you should be able to easily pull it or slide it out of the pan in one solid pie-type-sandwich-thing.




Cut it into convenient pieces





And enjoy the deliciousness.