AWKWARD ZOMBIE

OH SHIT IT'S FRIDAY--I mean, Hi, AZ. I totally didn't forget to update. Welcome to my tiny-ass kitchen.

This kicks off several weeks devoted to snackification. The next several weeks will be devoted to snackfoods and desserts (mainly desserts) through the holiday season. And we'll start off with Banana Bread! This seems to be the saving grace of the banana for several people, so I figured I'd post the recipe that I came up with for it. Really easy and, you know...Yay, dessert!


SHOPPING TIPS: This is pretty inexpensive. Bananas are super cheap in the US, and there isn't really anything else that would be pricey.
===If you don't have enough bananas going brown at the same time, or you have some that you know you aren't going to eat on time, stick them in the freezer. (the freezer is my favorite kitchen invention ever). They will turn straight up black in the freezer, and then when you thaw them, they will be mush, so don't be alarmed.
===Speaking of freezers, as always, don't be afraid to buy a larger carton of milk for the better value. Milk freezes just fine (although I would avoid freezing it more than once)


ESTIMATED COST PER BATCH: $2

ESTIMATED COST PER SERVING: what do you mean the whole loaf is more than one serving



INGREDIENTS


3 brown bananas
2 Cups Flour
2/3 Cup Sugar
1 Tbs Baking Soda
1 Tbs Cinnamon (If you don't like things to be very spiced, you can cut this to a 1/2T)
1/2 Tbs Baking powder
1/2 Tbs Nutmeg
1/2 tsp Salt
1 Cup Milk
5 Tbs Butter (soft)
1 egg



Optional:
1/3 cup Brown Sugar
3 Tbs Butter
Plain oatmeal (no specific amount)



RECOMMENDED EQUIPMENT

Measuring Utensils
1 large mixing bowl
1 large loaf pan (or some pan that the batter fills to 2/3)
SPOOOOOOOOOOOOON
Whisk



Alright. So take your dry ingredients and whisk them together.






Then add your wet ingredients




and mix it up goooood




Pour it into your selected pan




It should fill it up to about 2/3





And pop it in the oven for about 35 minutes at 300F. If it's not done, lower the temperature to 275 and check at 10 minute intervals. (sorry, I don't have consistent heating in my oven).






Now if you want, while that's baking, you can make a topping out of lazy caramel and plain oatmeal.


I would suggest using a microwave for this, purely because it's faster:
put your brown sugar and butter into a pourable, microwave safe container, and microwave it for a minute, and then at 30 second intervals, watching for it to bubble up. Once the lazy caramel gets all bubbly, it's done. Stir it to get it back to a more consistent state.





Pull the banana bread out of the oven once the top is solid (about 20 minutes in should be good), and drizzle the lazy caramel and oatmeal on top of the banana bread however you want it to look. Put it back in the oven to finish cooking.




Once it's all done, enjoy your finished banaynay bread! It's very good with butter, or when crumbled over vanilla icecream.

I wish I had this recipe last semester for one of my roommates and his girlfriend. We shared a bathroom. I had way too many unpleasant toilet experiences by no fault of my own.

I don't know if that's a reference to the timer or the banana bread itself

The timer. I think 35 minutes is exactly the amount of time I'd need to sneak in, commit the murder, freak the heck out over committing a murder, then coming to terms with it and disposing of evidence.

Hi, AZ. My name is Riku and I just got on vacation from the Hogwarts culinary program. Welcome to my tiny-ass kitchen.


We're gonna make pumpkin pie. What more do I need to say? It's awesome, it is a relatively healthy dessert, it doubles as a breakfast food. It's just great.


SHOPPING TIPS: You can make this with either home-baked pumpkin puree, or canned. For me, canned is cheaper, and is all that's available 93% of the year. So that's what I'm using. I would recommend waiting until it's on sale (so that you're only putting about $1.50 of pumpkin into the pie)
===Butter and Milk, as always, can be frozen for later use.
===try to gradually accumulate spices as they go on sale, but bear in mind, most spices start to lose their potency about 3 months after you open them.



ESTIMATED COST OF BATCH: $3.60 USD (versus the 6-8 dollars you'll probably pay in a store)
ESTIMATED COST PER SERVING: $0.60



INGREDIENTS:

PIE CRUST (1 layer)


1-1/4 cup flour
4oz chopped frozen butter
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Sugar
3 or4 Tbs cold water


PIE FILLING:


2 Cups pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix, just plain puree)
2 eggs
1-1/2 Cup heavy cream/Evaporated milk (or 1 C Condensed Milk and 1/2 C milk)
1-1/2 tsp Cinnamon
1/2 tsp Ground Nutmeg
1/2 tsp Dried Ground Ginger
1/4 tsp Ground Cloves


Crust:

As always, mix up your dry ingredients first.






Chop up your frozen butter, or, if you prefer, plan ahead and cut the butter into small pieces before freezing.




This is one of the few things that I will advocate the use of a mixer for. Always put in/take out the beaters BEFORE plugging it in.




I'm suggesting you use a mixer for this, because trying to get nothing but butter and flour to form a cohesive substance with nothing but your bare hands is kind of a pain in the ass. However, if you have one (I don't) Putting this in a food processor makes it even easier.




Mix/pulse it until the mixture is all coarse and mealy (there will still be some chunks of butter.) And add your water, 1 Tbs at a time.





Keep mixing it until it's much more integrated, and you can pick up a chunk, press it in your fingers, and it stays together.




Knead it into a circle (You might have to put water on your hands to bind it just enough). Once you have it in a nice little chunk, flour up the outside.




Wrap it up in plastic and stick it in the fridge for 2 hours or overnight.







Filling:

Dump your ingredients into a bowl, like so:




Mix them up until they look about like pancake batter




And now you need to clear out some clean counterspace. But this is TINY-ASS KITCHEN, so how do we obtain counter space? By forcibly relocating other appliances, of course!





Okay, so pull out your dough, and flour up the counter so nothing sticks.




Flatten it out. Rolling pins work best for this, but if you don't have one, any heavy, cylindrical object should work.







Carefully slide your pie crust into your pie tin/dish




Get it to sit as close to the sides and corners as you can.




And then you trim off most of the extra, but leave enough to kind of fold over to make a pretty border for your crust.




And pour your pumpkin batter in. Mine looks all weird and chunky here because I was a dumbass and stuck it in the refrigerator that freezes things.



Spread it around so that it's relatively smooth




And now, should you choose to do so, you can decorate your pie. You can cut out an overlay from the remaining pie crust




or you can put plain oatmeal on in a decorative way




Or a combination of the two, or even something else entirely.





So anyway, stick that baby (the pie, not a literal baby that you have lying around the house) in the oven at 325 for about an hour, until the pie is solid. It will probably jiggle a tiny bit as long as it's hot, but if you can't see any real movement from the center, then it's done.




You want to just let it sit there for a while until the pan is cool enough for you to pick up with your bare hands.




At this point, you can cut it up now to serve it warm, or you can put it in the fridge to serve chilled. Pair it up with some whipped cream or ice cream, and bam, you have delicious wintertimes.

Hi, AZ. I sure hope you finished all your Christmas shopping, because I've done precisely jack shit. Welcome to my tiny-ass kitchen.

We're going to make cinnamon rolls today! Hooray! There's really not much to be said besides joy.


ESTIMATED COST OF BATCH: $3 (add $2 if you're making icing.)


INGREDIENTS:


DOUGH
1 (1/4 ounce) package dry yeast
1 cup warm milk
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup butter
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
3-3/4 cups flour (keep a little extra on hand in case you need it.)

FILLING
1-1/2 cup packed brown sugar
3 tablespoons cinnamon
1- 1/2 Tbs. cocoa powder (optional)
1/3 cup butter, softened




ICING
8 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup cream cheese
1/8 teaspoon salt



Heat up your milk. I'd recommend doing it in 30 second intervals. I'm starting with a block, so it'll take me a few extra minutes. Say bye bye to blocky milk!




Once it's about 125F/50C, add your yeast. Stir it in until it's mostly dissolved and let it sit there for a bit while you do other things.



Now mix your dry ingredients up.



Add your eggs, butter and milk



And get mixing. Once it looks about like this:



Stick your hands in and knead it until it's more cohesive like this: (the dough should be somewhat gooey, but if you dust flour on the outside you should be able to pick it up in one chunk)


Dust it in flour once the consistency is right, cover it with a damp towel and set it someplace where it won't be bothered for an hour or so.



After an hour has passed, it should be about double its previous volume.



While you're waiting, mix up the dry ingredients of your filling. Really simple.




When the dough is ready, prepare a clean, flat surface. If you're working in a tiny-booty kitchen, you may need to move your dish rack. Flour your counterspace.



Slap your dough down and flatten it out with a rolling pin or similar cylindrical item. Make it about 16x20 inches or 40x50 cm



Slather butter all over that baby.



Drop your dry filling onto the butter and spread it around, leaving about an inch of space on each of the long edges free.



Start rolling from the far edge


And once you have it all rolled up into a log, get the surface where the close end will meet it wet. this will help you seal the dough.



Pinch the end against the main roll.



Cut it into whatever size pieces you like (it comfortably makes a dozen), and stick them in a pan.



Bake them at 350 for about 10-15 minutes. It varies by oven and pans (dark pans err on the early side)



As they're cooling, you can put your icing together, should you so choose. Put your cream cheese, salt and butter into a large-ish bowl.



Get them thoroughly mixed (one of the few things that I use a hand mixer for), gradually adding the powdered sugar. Whip it good until it looks fluffy like this:



Then frost them and enjoy them. If you don't like frosting, they're really good with a little bit of butter on them.


(Guest appearance made by Sloth's kitchen counter and plate)

We made these last time when you posted this recipe in Spoony's thread. and they were delicious.

I remember when you used to make cin'min ro's for me riku

back when you cared about me at all

You've changed, Spoony.
We've all changed.

It is because I have experienced the taste of spider that I can fully appreciate the taste of cinnamon roll.

More that I get the feeling you treat the cinnamon rolls (and much of everything else you eat) like the spider.

You're a dramatic eater, Dire.

Thank you Riku, for giving me just what I wanted for Christmas.

I do everything dramatically. Especially eating.

Man, all of this is just so complicated and such. Way too many steps for all you plebs. How about you just take:

-2 bananas
-(soy) milk

Put those bananas in the freezer. Next day take them out and blend them with however much (soy) milk you please and have yourself some banana ice-cream, like so:



That's how it's done.